These people call themselves Americans. They’re almost 50% of the population. How did we end up like this? This election should have been a slam dunk. It’s one of the clearest choices of all time. John McCain is going to pull about 50% of the vote. Most of those votes will be coming from these people.

How did we end up like this? How did they end up like this? Where did my country go? How can we ever get it back, when there are so many of these people in it?

And Sarah Palin is a moron.

Pick the statement that best answers the following:

Question: Just how dense are fundies?

A. So dense they affect nearby atomic clocks.

B. So dense they can stop a neutrino.

C. So dense they have an event horizon.

D. All of the above.

The answer, of course, is E: Darwin = Hitler.

For proof of this, let’s take a look at OneNewsNow. In “Pastors’ Political Endorsements Draw Complaints”, published on Sept. 30, they write:

Americans United for Separation of Church and State has filed complaints with the Internal Revenue Service against six churches whose pastors either endorsed or made pointed comments about political candidates from their pulpits Sunday in defiance of federal tax law.

This is in reference to “The Pulpit Initiative”. The fundies are no longer satisfied with merely gorging at the public trough. Now they also want to have a say in who carries the swill.

As things stand now, churches are tax exempt. I guess the logic is that it was a way of ensuring the separation of church and state. The problem is that a tax exemption is actually a subsidy. Churches use government services. They get the same police and fire protection, are serviced by the same roads, and are protected by the same military as the rest of us. That means that we’re paying for their share. They’re freeloaders on the system. It’s a pretty good deal, if you can get it. You’d think they wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize the gravy train.

Since they’re considered non-profit organizations, they have to abide by the same rules as all other non-profits. That means: No involvement in politics! The government has wisely decided that we shouldn’t be subsidizing groups that are trying to influence government. If you want to be politically active, do it on your dime, not ours.

A fundie group called the Alliance Defense Fund somehow thinks that they deserve to get your money (via tax exemption) to promote John McCain. They are prompting pastors to politic from the pulpit. The OneNewsNow article says:

The Alliance Defense Fund orchestrated the pulpit protest to invite IRS scrutiny and a legal fight it hopes will lead to the restrictions being found unconstitutional.

You would think that fundies would be happy to have that government largesse in exchange for not promoting one candidate over another. After all, what if some religion they don’t like started promoting some candidate they can’t stand?

Enter Exhibit B, also published by OneNewsNow, just a few days later: “Pro-Obama, Muslim-Led Voter Registration in Mosques”.

A leading critic of Islam isn’t surprised there has been virtually no coverage or action taken against a Muslim group that has been running an illegal “get out the vote” campaign in swing-state mosques.

Goose, meet gander.

The group, Muslim Americans for Obama [MAFO], insists that all of its voter registration activity is non-partisan, despite the fact that its mission statement says it was launched in August 2008 “to provide a vehicle for Muslim-American supporters of Barack Obama to organize and mobilize our fellow citizens to get out the vote to elect Barack Obama the next president of the United States.”

If you open a door, there’s no telling who might walk through. So tell me, fundies: Do you still think that Jefferson’s “wall of separation” doesn’t really exist in the Constitution? Think before you answer!

Robert Spencer is director of Jihad Watch,

a project of the David Horowitz Freedom Center. He argues MAFO may be skirting the law. “When they are running these voter registration drives at mosques, really it’s essentially illegal because they are clearly trying to get people to vote for Obama — and that’s in violation of their tax-exempt status,” Spencer charges. “So this is a group that is crossing the line and ought to be disciplined as such.”

Then you’d better discipline them quick. The Alliance Defense Fund is trying to make it legal!

Spencer contends that if a group called “Christians for John McCain” claimed to be non-partisan and ran a registration drive in churches, it would be all over the media and create a huge scandal and embarrassment for the McCain campaign.

Sorry, Spencer. You got its name wrong. It’s called the Alliance Defense Fund.

So what happens when two mutually-contradictory concepts occupy the same space? We need only look at OneNewsNow for the answer. Their motto must be “The neutrino stops here.”

Postscript: What has gone unsaid in the OneNewsNow article is the real reason the fundies are in such a snit. This incident implies that Obama must be Muslim. Why else would the Muslims be trying to get him elected? I guess those millions of Protestants who voted for John F. Kennedy in 1960 were secretly Catholic.

While I was looking for an image for an earlier article, I came across the below photo from Reuters. They post low-resolution photographs of newsmakers. If you want the high-resolution photo, you have to pay for it. I think this version is actually far more accurate.

If you’re like me, you probably wonder about Bill Johnson of the American Decency Association. Things such as: How can anybody be that sexually repressed? Have he and his wife … um … you know … “done it”? (I’m betting no) And: What does he do all day, when he’s not busy trying to ban TV shows? (and ban magazine ads about TV shows) (and ban magazines) (oh, and ban scantily-clad mannequins; we mustn’t forget the scantily-clad mannequins)

He seems like a busy guy with all of that going on, so you’d think he wouldn’t have time for anything else. You’re forgetting what we learned in our last episode: BJ doesn’t have a TV! That gives him lots of time to acquire new hobbies, such as banning books! Let’s see what he says in his latest email:

I became aware through my efforts to strengthen Michigan’s obscenity laws, that the greatest objectors to such efforts were the local public libraries. I then discovered behind this opposition was the American Library Association.

Tell me, BJ, who is the ALA, and why are they bad?

Indeed, the ALA is a very liberal association with concerning influence upon our local communities nationwide.

Say no more! I’m convinced. They’re liberal. They must be evil!

One time in my local community a friend’s son came across a magazine in the public library that had advertisements for pornography. He asked if there was anything that he could do.

Yes. Find out if they take Visa.

Anyway, he goes on to relate a story about how this guy complained to the library, they had a meeting of the review board, and “humiliated” him by not removing the offensive advertisement from the magazine. Yawn. This is apparently the most grievous abuse of power that BJ has seen in the last 20 years. BJ seems to be easily upset. Maybe if he got laid more often, he wouldn’t be such a tight ass. And speaking of tight asses, there’s a particular form of intercourse that can solve that problem, too.

Last week, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council got my hopes up for nothing. I opened his daily email, and this bolded sentence jumped out at me:

My heart skipped a beat. Could it be true? What sort of weird sexual perversion was he caught at? Was he in the stall next to Larry Craig? Was he selling drugs to Ted Haggard? Was he snorting santorum?

Excitedly, I started reading from the top:

Dear Friend,

I want you to hear something a California pastor said to me recently:

“If we lose, we go to jail.”

It’s just that simple, says Pastor Jim Garlow—if marriage loses in California, religious liberties everywhere will be next.

Oh, piss! He’s not in any sort of trouble! He’s just in his typical whiny fundie-pout again about some imagined slight. OK, Tony, what is it today? Let’s look at that last sentence again:

…if marriage loses in California…

Oh, you’re right, Tony! I agree completely! If Proposition 8 passes, the right of every Californian to marry would be taken away. Only those people deemed worthy by religious zealots would be allowed to marry. The current law, which protects the rights of all citizens, must be preserved. If Proposition 8 passes, marriage would lose big time in California.

…religious liberties everywhere will be next.

Well that last part is a non-sequitur. Tony needs somebody to proofread his stuff, so errors like that don’t slip through.

Family Research Council has been pouring resources into a national campaign to defend marriage and religious freedom…

Damn, Tony! You surprise me! I thought you were a religious wackjob! I didn’t know you were a civil libertarian! I’ve been working hard defending marriage and religious liberties, too! And it’s tough work, let me tell you. Did you know there are literally millions of religious nutters out there working their asses off right this minute to destroy those two pivotal institutions? But with your help, we can defeat Proposition 8! Glad to have you on board!

I’m writing today to ask you again to stand with us. We still must raise $600,000 before the close of our fiscal year on September 30.

Wow. I admire your spunk, Tony! I’ve got a lot to learn. Here I’ve been toiling at this blog for almost three years now, and I’ve never made a dime. I don’t even carry advertising. I thought defending marriage and civil liberties was the price of living in a free society. I didn’t know I could also make major bucks at it! Now that we’re partners, you’ll need to slip a little of that my way, you know. I’m not asking for a lot. Just enough to quit my job so I can sit on my ass all day like you.

The stakes are enormous. We face a national menace to religious liberty:

• In Boston, a Christian adoption agency was shut down for refusing to place orphans with homosexual couples.

What is this world coming to? The rights of the homosexual couples were clearly violated. It’s a good thing we shut that bigoted agency down.

• In New Mexico, a Christian-owned studio was fined more than $6,000 for refusing to photograph a lesbian commitment ceremony.

Why do these religious boneheads think they can impose their narrow worldview upon the rest of us? I’m with you, Tony!

• In San Francisco, the city council officially condemned Christian opposition to homosexual adoption as hateful and discriminatory rhetoric.

Maybe that’s your problem, Tony. You’re wasting your effort in cities where we’ve already won. As you just pointed out, the city council is right on top of this issue. I think you need to put your effort into places that haven’t yet left the 12th century.

FRC has been protecting marriage during its 25-year history, and we’ve been voicing your values ever since activist judges in Massachusetts and California legalized counterfeit marriage and triggered a national debate.

Uhh… What?

Your prayers and generosity are enabling FRC to use our national platform to make the forceful case for traditional marriage in the media, in the churches, and at the grassroots.

God DAMN it, Tony! You ARE a religious wackjob!

How dare you claim that you’re on the side of protecting marriage! Marriage is just now getting out from under the yoke of centuries of Christian oppression.

In less than two months, voters in California, Florida, and Arizona will have the chance to place marriage out of the reach of activists and liberals.

You mean out of the reach of the civil rights of millions of Americans. Go back to the 12th century, Tony. There’s no room for your hate in this one.

In my daily email from TownHall.com (what The Watcher likes to call Clownhall—I think I’ll steal that from now on), was an ugly advertisement for Expelled. That movie is like nuclear waste. Nobody wants it, you can’t get rid of it, and the retarded are mesmerized by it.

So here it is again. They’re advertising the DVD, which will be released in October. I decided it was time once again to point out how foolish this film is. I looked through the promotional graphics that I had previously downloaded from their web site, and I found the “patriotic” (idiotic is more like it) poster displayed below. Actually, that’s not exactly how the poster originally looked. The text was inaccurate, so I fixed it.