Archive for the 'Culture' Category

National Anthems

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

Waltzing Matilda

I keep this blog focussed primarily on U.S.-based fundies. Despite this, I have a disproportionately large percentage of Australian readers. Maybe it’s from their collective guilt for sending us Ken Ham and Mel Gibson.

Speaking of Australia…

I’m sure you’ve had a song stuck in your head from time to time. It’s usually a tolerable condition. My most recent case of this affliction was the song “Waltzing Matilda”. I’m not sure how that happened; I don’t remember hearing it anywhere lately. It got me thinking that I’ve never understood what the song was about. It has too many Australian words in it. The easiest thing to do in cases like this is to turn to Wikipedia.

It says the song is about a hobo who steals a feral sheep. Then a guy claiming to be the owner shows up with three police officers. The hobo cries “You’ll never take me alive, coppers!” and drowns himself. That’s probably not completely accurate, but you try to describe it in 37 words or fewer.

OK. That settles that problem, but I found a couple of other interesting things in that article.

For starters, Australia didn’t have a national anthem (“Advance Australia Fair”) until 1984. The Waltzing Matilda article says:

The song was one of four included in a national plebiscite to choose Australia’s national song held on 21 May 1977 by the Fraser Government to determine which song was preferred as Australia’s national anthem. “Waltzing Matilda” received 28% of the vote compared with 43% for “Advance Australia Fair”, 19% for “God Save the Queen” and 10% for “Song of Australia”.

So “Waltzing Matilda” seems to be their second choice for national anthem. But 1977 wasn’t the first time someone tried to give the song official status. Back in 1961…

…Australian songwriter Jack O’Hagan provided lyrics to the traditional tune of the song to be called God Bless Australia that he hoped would become the Australian national anthem.

So in order to gain support for turning it into the national anthem, O’Hagen loads it up with God! Here are two of the stanzas:

Here in this God given land of ours, Australia
This proud possession, our own piece of earth
That was built by our fathers, who pioneered our heritage,
Here is Australia, the land of our birth.

God bless Australia, Our land Australia,
Home of the Anzac, the strong and the free
It’s our homeland, our own land,
To cherish for eternity,
God bless Australia, The land of the free.

This crass pandering apparently didn’t work, but it still points out a shameful tendency of the patriotic.

The American Obsession

Most people are only vaguely aware that “The Star-Spangled Banner” has four stanzas. After getting through all of the first three stanzas and most of the fourth, we hit this line:

And this be our motto: ‘In God is our trust.’

D’oh! Ruined a perfectly good song.

So what is it about national anthems that they have to invoke God?

The other song that has to be mentioned in this context is “America the Beautiful”. Every so often, there’s a push by various folks to replace “The Star-Spangled Banner” with “America the Beautiful” as national anthem. Those efforts have not been successful, so somehow “America the Beautiful” became our national hymn. To refresh your memory, here are just a few of its lines:

…God shed His grace on thee…
…God mend thine ev’ry flaw…
…May God thy gold refine…

Foreign Correspondence

A few other countries seem to have the same problem. A Google search on “god in national anthems” turned up god-contaminated anthems in:

  • Canada (“O Canada”)
  • Fiji (“God Bless Fiji”)
  • Iceland (“O, God of Our Land”)
  • The Netherlands (“The William”)
  • New Zealand (“God Defend New Zealand”)
  • Russia, 1833–1917 (“God Save the Tsar”)
  • Serbia (“God of Justice”)
  • Solomon Islands (“God Save Our Solomon Islands”)
  • South Africa (“God Bless Africa” and “The Call of South Africa”)
  • Sudan (“We Are the Army of God and of Our Land”)
  • Suriname (“God Be With Our Suriname”)
  • Swaziland (“O Lord our God of the Swazi”)
  • Tanzania (“God Bless Africa”)
  • United Kingdom (“God Save the King/Queen”)

I’m sure there are others.

Why this compulsive need to validate the ethnocentric belief of those people that they live in God’s chosen country and are God’s chosen people?

Cleansing Ritual

(For those of you reading this via RSS, you’ll need to visit my web site to see the Flash player.)

I wouldn’t feel right if I left you with “Waltzing Matilda” running through your head for the rest of the day. That is easily remedied with this calming tone:

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

You’re welcome!

Vegas Notes

Thursday, June 26th, 2008

I go to church every day

The church many people will be “praying” at after partying too hard in Vegas

While I was in Las Vegas last weekend, I snapped a few pictures of odd things I saw. The above photo is of the toilet in my room. Just keep away from the holy water.

For many months, I wasn’t sure whether I’d even be able to go to TAM 6 this year, because of job conflicts. I wasn’t able to make the commitment until just a few weeks before TAM. By that time, the convention rate on the official hotel (the Flamingo) had expired. Now they wanted over $200 per night. Holy crapper! (see above) I can’t justify that. I looked around for someplace cheaper. I found the Super 8 Koval just one (very long) block off of the Strip. It was something like $70 per night, so that’s where I ended up. It’s a tolerable place, and it appeared clean. Much to my amazement, the walk between the S8 and the Flamingo was not packed with crack whores, drug dealers, and Elvis impersonators. It was, however, a very long walk in the extreme Vegas summer heat.

But imagine my surprise when I checked into my room and found this:

It's just plain big!

WOW!! Las Vegas, city of extremes!

I saw this sign in the lobby of the hotel. I didn’t eat there. If it really is the best, they wouldn’t need to use irony quotes.

I know you'll 'enjoy' it

Dysfunction Junction, What’s Your Function?

Saturday, June 21st, 2008

(Still at TAM 6, so here’s some more FC.)

Today, let’s look at a few highlights from that other parody site, The Dysfunctional Family Circus.

Plate

“I don’t understand — how can accidents like this happen in a world created by a perfect and all-powerful God?”

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Rope

“1,2,4,3! Home schooling worked for me!”

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Plane

“So if you were on an airplane, and an angel got sucked into one of the turbines and caused a crash, would you automatically get into Heaven?”

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Shirt

“How do you get your shirt on over that big-ass head of yours?”

Another Other

Friday, June 20th, 2008

(I’m at TAM 6 right now and can’t post, so I scheduled this to run as cheap filler.)

Here are a few more re-captioned Family Circus panels from The Other Family.

Next Tuesday

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Don't forget to ask

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Can I play?

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Broken arm

God Did Not Make Klingons

Monday, June 2nd, 2008

An Article by Guest-Writer ParrotLover77

[Note: My life is momentarily complicated by a Michelle Duggar paternity suit. It’s going to take me a few days to settle up (ever wonder how they make ends meet?), so I won’t be able to blog. ParrotLover has graciously volunteered to help out. With his DNA, I should be able to get off the hook. In the meantime, please enjoy this article that he has written for us. Thank you, ParrotLover! You can also visit his own website. Buy some music. Look at parrots.

All of the artwork in this article is from the brilliant Heathen World. Visit them too.

—Ron Britton, editor-in-grief]

It's an invasion!

Ron has been very busy and asked me to submit a guest article on BoF to keep the content fresh.  I was honored that he would think a mere tech blogger could write for his amazing blog!  Then I was slammed with some of the worst writer’s block I’ve had in ages.  What the heck do I blog about?  Well, I had a few ideas about politics and religion, but nothing came to fruition.  The fingers just didn’t want to strike the keys.  So I decided to visit our old friends at the Answers in Genesis website for inspiration, and boy did I find some!  So today I will discuss an article written by Ken Ham (founder and president of Answers in Genesis–USA) called, Do I Believe in UFOs? Absolutely!

In his article, Ken is trying to convince the reader that life simply cannot exist elsewhere in the universe, because the bible says so.  Is there ANYTHING the bible cannot do?  It slices, it dices, it turns your brain to mush!

Let’s dig into his article and get snarky. *rubs hands*

Occasionally at conferences, someone will ask, “Do you believe in UFOs?”

What conferences would AiG attend where attendees ask that sort of question?  Maybe the alien abductee and literal creation kooks are cut from the same mold…

I usually answer, “Absolutely! Any flying object that can’t be identified is a UFO.”

Wow, that’s actually very intelligent… and almost snarky (me like)!  I almost didn’t expect Mr. Ham to start out so sensible.  Indeed, the word UFO has been, for quite some time, used in contexts it wasn’t meant to be used.  Unidentified Flying Object means just that: it’s flying, it’s an object, and it’s unidentified.  That doesn’t mean it’s from outer space carrying little gray men with big black eyes equipped with a variety of anal probes.

Those bastards!

I then continue, “But do I believe in UFOs piloted by Vulcans, Klingons, or Cardassians? The answer is a definite no.” Sorry, Star Trek fans!

Why is he apologizing?  Are there Trek fans that would actually be offended by that statement?  I’m a fan of the Trek, but I certainly don’t believe the aliens made up on that show are real nor have any possibility of being close to real extra-terrestrial life.  After all, Trek’s bastardization of the concept of evolution really doesn’t fit into reality (every planet has a humanoid—what are the odds!).  But I understand that it’s a lot of work just to get a different looking humanoid alien.  One that is TRULY alien would be well over budget and difficult to script.  But I digress… Skipping a little…

A good friend of mine, Dr. Clifford Wilson, author of the million-copy bestseller Crash Go the Chariots, did a lot of research on UFOs. He once told me that he concluded that by far the majority were either misunderstood natural phenomena or misinterpreted manmade objects.

That’s a very reasonable conclusion.

However, he did conclude there was a very small percentage that couldn’t be explained, and he allowed the possibility of some supernatural origin—albeit evil. But regardless, he, like me, does not believe in intelligent physical beings on planets other than our earth.

Fascinating.  So, intelligent life originating on planets other than Earth is far-fetched, but evil supernatural spirits—why, that’s completely plausible!  Very Chick.   So, Mr. Ham has some amazing evidence to back up this very broad conclusion he has come to, right?

A number of leading evolutionists, like the late Dr. Carl Sagan, have popularized the idea that there must be intelligent life in outer space. From an evolutionary perspective, it would make sense to suggest such a possibility. People who believe this possibility contend that, if life evolved on earth by natural processes, intelligent life must exist somewhere else in the far reaches of space, given the size of the universe and the millions of possible planets.

Okay, first of all, Carl Sagan was an astronomer, not an evolutionist (whatever that is; I guess I’m a “gravitist” since I believe in gravity).  Also, evolution has nothing to do with whether or not a planet can support life and whether life can begin to exist out of the biochemical building block precursors to life (as is speculated to have happened on earth billions of years ago).  That process of the origins of life is known as “abiogenesis,” NOT evolution.

All that said, evolutionary theory does seem to postulate that if life arises, it will eventually become clever if given the correct external pressures (at least if it is similar to life on Earth).  As for intelligent life capable of using radio communication (as per SETI)—that’s just mathematics (again, not evolution).  There seems to be a pretty good probability of there being intelligent life out there somewhere.  Whether or not we will ever communicate with them, nobody really knows because we don’t have enough information.  We listen for them because we don’t think they’ll land here like Stan Romanek’s aliens.

One can postulate endlessly about possibilities of intelligent life in outer space, but I believe a Christian worldview, built on the Bible, rejects such a possibility. Here is why.

Remember that amazing evidence I wanted?  Yes.  I was let down.

Payback!

During the six days of creation in Genesis, we learn that God created the earth first. On Day 4 He made the sun and the moon for the earth, and then “he made the stars also” (Genesis 1:16).

Far be it from me to criticize a deity, but why did it take three days to make the earth when it only took one day to make all the other matter in the entire universe?  Talk about a learning curve!  I guess when you begin by making “day and night” before you make the planet you are making the day and night for; you are starting out on the wrong foot.

From these passages of Scripture it would seem that the earth is very special—it is center stage. Everything else was made for purposes relating to the earth. For instance, the sun, moon, and stars were made “for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years” (Genesis 1:14).

It seems a little bit inefficient to make the great majority of the universe (which is unimaginably vast) just as sign posts and time keeping devices for the inhabitants of this little blue planet.  But this is what one truly believes when one’s reason hitchhikes its way to a dive bar, drinks too much, and drives its car into the river.

Okay, so Mr. Ham goes on and on about how the bible clearly says that the Earth is very very VERY special because the bible says so.  Let’s skip down to the part about aliens.

Take a tour!

Now here is the problem. If there are intelligent beings on other planets, then they would have been affected by the fall of Adam because the whole creation was affected. So these beings would have to die because death was the penalty for sin. One day their planet will be destroyed by fire during God’s final judgment, but they cannot have salvation because that blessing is given only to humans.

Screw you, aliens!  You didn’t know about a religion on a planet billions of light years from you, so you are screwed for eternity!  No matter that you didn’t have anything to do with “the fall.”  The deity of the cosmos is going to create you, throw a temper tantrum, and punish you, because of what the first human did.  And there is NOTHING you can do!

When Jesus Christ stepped into history, He became the God-man. The Bible calls Him “the last Adam” and the “second man” (1 Corinthians 15:45, 47). He became the second perfect man (Adam was perfect before he sinned)…

Hold on here, Hammy.  Isn’t that basically saying Adam was perfect until he wasn’t?  If Adam was perfect, he would never have sinned!  Oh wait, I forgot.  It’s all womankind’s fault for tempting poor innocent Adam.  And as a result, we’re all paying for it (even those innocent space aliens).  Talk about a bad temper!

…and He took the place of the first Adam by dying for the human race. As the first Adam was the representative head of the human race, so Jesus became the new head, the last Adam. So there can be no other Savior, only Christ. Jesus now sits in the heavens, still in human form, sitting on His throne next to the Father. If Jesus stepped out of His human form, we would no longer have a Savior. He remains the God-man forever.

Okay, that last bit of babbling made no sense, but I wanted to include it just for its laughableness.

But note, Jesus didn’t become a “God-Klingon,” a “God-Vulcan,” or a “God-Cardassian”—He became the God-man. It wouldn’t make sense theologically for there to be other intelligent, physical beings who suffer because of Adam’s sin but cannot be saved.

You are correct; theologically it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

Now, regarding animal life and plants, we cannot be so dogmatic because the Bible does not state whether life exists elsewhere in the universe. Based on the passages about the heavens and earth, however, I strongly suspect that life does not exist elsewhere.

Okay, so let me get this straight… Animals and plants (wait—aren’t humans animals?) can exist elsewhere in the universe, because, heck, the bible is mute on that issue.  But intelligent life certainly cannot exist because that would mean God would have to punish them for eternity for not being around when Jayzus came to save us all from the first human’s mistake.  This is draining the batteries on my logic-meter. 

So the next time you hear someone talking about UFOs, think on the Scripture passages quoted above, and use them to segue into a presentation of the gospel: “For since by man came death, by Man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:21-22).

Remember, UFO abductee loons are just confusing alien anal probes with the pleasure that is the holy spirit.

Army surplus!

Wirthless Ideas

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

I’m trying to get caught up on a couple of things from last week. Here’s one of them. You may have seen this on Pharyngula. As PZ Myers explains:

A couple of college students in Toronto…took offense at the patent absurdity of the “Bible and Bible Studies” section of a large bookstore at Yonge and Eglinton, and decided to help organize the shelves by filing their contents more appropriately. They quietly moved the contents to other places in the bookstore, like Fiction, Humour, Sexuality, Erotica, Cuisine, Parenting, Mental Disorder, Parapsychology and the Occult.

The aftermath

I actually did something similar on a much smaller scale last year. One of the culprits of the Toronto incident describes the event in more detail at his blog, Phaedron Rising.

What I wanted to bring to your attention, though, was his follow-up article:

Many comments on Pharyngula suggested that Science shelves should be bereft of such gems as Michael Behe’s intelligent-design manifestos, or any book on new-age pseudoscience.

It’s with this that I must take issue. When, in my email to Dr Myers, I referred to the democratic marketplace of ideas, I was not paying lip service. It is a fundamental tenet of western democratic society that as long as nobody is literally hurt, every opinion has a right to be heard. I’m not saying that every opinion is worth the paper it’s written on, just that anyone has every right to make their case. This is especially the case in the rigours of the scientific process, where any theory—new or old—is continually vetted by a process of peer review and critique.

In the case of Behe’s ID idiocy and New-Age acupressure guides, they belong squarely in the science section. The questions that they address (Who are we? How did we get here? How can the flow of Chi affect my basement grow-op?) are fundamentally scientific ones. Just because a particular author’s answer to a real scientific question is completely insipid does not mean that it does not belong on the Science shelf.

Call me Naïve, but I truly want to believe that in the great marketplace of ideas, theories will ultimately rise and fall on their own merits.

If you want to rid your local science section of wastes of wood-pulp like Behe’s books on Intelligent Design, here’s how to do it.

Let his opinion be heard.

There is only one appropriate response to a ridiculous proposition, and that response is thorough ridicule. Give Behe and his ilk a seat at the table. Engage him. Expose his ideas for the unscrupulous shams that they are. I’m not advocating that anyone treat fools with kid gloves—far from it. All I’m saying is, give these people just enough intellectual rope to hang themselves with, then help them build their gallows.

That article sums up some of what we do here at BoF. It’s great fun pointing out how foolish the “freedom fighters”, Concerned “Women”, and Family “Researchers” are, but our fun has a very real purpose. These people want to pull our society back to the Dark Ages. Ridiculing these ideas is one of the best ways to expose them for the frauds that they are.

The Dysfunctional Family Circus

Saturday, May 24th, 2008

The Dysfunctional Family Circus

Of course, the granddaddy of all Family Circus parodies is the Dysfunctional Family Circus. It went for 500 panels back in the 1990s, before being shut down by the lawyers. Lucky for us, the whole shebang is archived here. Here are just three examples from that site.

Unfunny
“…and please allow Daddy to continue to use his unfunny comic strip to impose his Christianity on America.”

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Jar
“OK, Mom. Take the RU-486, squat on this jar, and we’re off to the pro-life rally.”

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Catch
“Son, if God had wanted you to catch that ball, you would have. It’s that simple. So the question is not ‘Why did I botch that pop fly’, but ‘What have I done to make God angry?’ You haven’t been touching yourself again, have you?”

The Other Family Circus

Saturday, May 24th, 2008

It's a crock

Few things on this Earth are more horrid than The Family Circus. Bil Keane is now 85 years old, and he still won’t quit. That won’t matter anyway, because his son is poised to take over the strip. Except for the oblong heads and massive thighs, Keane is actually a fairly good artist. The strip could have been funny. Where he falls down are the captions.

Satan

Loyal BoF reader Ericsan has called my attention to The Other Family. This is a website that takes Keane’s comics and recaptions them. The three panels I’ve reproduced here are from that site.

It’s really a shame that Bil Keane has been phoning it in for the past 48 years. If he’d apply just a little effort, he could write captions as funny as these.

Prayers