Access Research Network Announces: Rich Source of Irony Discovered
Colorado Springs, CO, March 10, 2009 — In a major announcement today, Access Research Network reports that the depletion of the world’s irony supplies is not as imminent as some experts are predicting.
“Your Seinfeld reruns will be safe for decades to come,” said Kevin Wirth, of ARN. “Although known irony reserves are lower than at any time in the past 30 years, the prediction that the world will soon be out of irony is no better supported than a Darwinist’s claims of molecules to man evolution.”
In fact, the common belief that the world has passed peak irony is unfounded, Wirth says, and he ought to know. He is, after all, ARN’s Director of Product Development. “Nobody produces more irony than creationists. In fact, it’s the only product we develop,” says Wirth. “You can view us as the canaries in the coal mine. As long as creationists are happily pumping irony, the world is in good shape.”
Wirth made his comments today to announce the publication of the latest article on the ARN blog, “You Still Walk Amongst Judges, Prophet Darwin!” Written by ARN Correspondent Robert Deyes.
“Deyes’ article is the richest source of irony ever discovered at ARN,” reported Mr. Wirth. “The entire world could run for almost six months just on the irony contained in that one article! This rich Deyes deposit is showing no signs of depletion.”
I have reason to believe that the above press release may not have actually come from ARN. Nevertheless, it accurately portrays the irony content of the latest article on the ARN blog (Motto: “Stop silencing Darwin Doubters! But it’s OK if we silence you, because we don’t allow comments on our blog.”). Let’s have a look at what Robert Deyes has written!
Deyes tries to use The Lost World by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle as a lesson in good science. This is ironic right off the bat, because Conan Doyle didn’t know good science when it hit him over the head. Despite Sherlock Holmes’ reputation for pure logic, Doyle himself was completely unacquainted with that skill. Doyle famously believed in fairies and ghosts, two things which are only slightly more credible than Intelligent Design creationism.
Conan Doyle’s The Lost World proved to be a resounding bestseller in its first year. Published during the centennial anniversary of On The Origin Of Species…
Uhh… what? The Lost World was published in 1912. Since when does 1912 – 1859 = 100?
Oh I see what happened! Checking Deyes’ footnote, we see that his copy was reprinted in 1959! Oh, Deyes! You are such a moron! Conan Doyle died in 1930! How is it you think he was still writing in 1959? He isn’t L. Ron Hubbard, you know!
Set in early 20th century Britain, The Lost World tells a story of four men who ventured out on a voyage of discovery in search of a plateau that, as Professor Challenger unswervingly maintained, harbored a multitude of dinosaurs. Challenger’s claims were initially met with utter disbelief and ridicule…
Hmmm… You don’t suppose Deyes is trying to draw some sort of parallel here with a modern counterpart, do you? Because if he is, he is missing the entire point of the above paragraph. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Challenger was spouting off crazy talk, and he had no evidence to support his claims! Of course the scientists were laughing at him. What Challenger was doing at this point in the story wasn’t science!
But does Challenger claim he is being oppressed? Does he claim that his academic freedom is being suppressed?
Does he collect a few dozen dubious claims of minor and ambiguous snubbing, put it into a book claiming that it represents the slaughter of dissidents, which he pays to publish himself, and then gets ten of his friends to write five-star reviews on Amazon (but then is stuck with 990 copies sitting in his garage for eternity)?
Does he hire a former Nixon speechwriter and discredited economist to claim that people he disagrees with are responsible for socialism, communism, fascism, and genocide?
Challenger realizes that the scientists have a point. Unlike every creationist who has ever lived, Challenger actually goes out in search of evidence! What an amazing idea! Hear that, Deyes? Some people actually go out and collect data to support their claims!
Oh, look! A tiny bit of that concept actually managed to filter into Deyes’ thick skull. Look what he wrote next:
Challenger knew that his claims would have to be rigorously tested…
A gusher!! An irony gusher!!
He was determined to bring back the empirical evidence that in his eyes would win him a position as one of the “prophets” of science alongside the likes of Galileo and Darwin. As his fellow travelers reminded him, “he was a man whose veracity was upon trial”, a man who, “walked among his own judges”.
Deyes wants to be sure we pick up on the “prophet” and “judges” labels, so he can spring a trap on the Darwinists at the end.
If Challenger’s expedition had returned without the slightest shred of observable evidence after having scoured the entire Amazonian jungle for the prehistoric plateau, his claim would have been classified as non-proven.
It’s amazing that Deyes is capable of comprehending this point when it is presented to him in a novel. But he can’t comprehend that creationists have spent the last several centuries scouring the entire world for any evidence to support any flavor of creationism, and they “returned without the slightest shred of observable evidence”. Their claim has “been classified as non-proven.”
Deyes then describes what happens when Challenger’s expedition returns. Summerlee, one of the team members…
…then proceeded to give a detailed account of the incredible diversity of prehistoric wildlife that they had encountered. Still, the audience made the hard but reasonable demand for solid proof in support of Summerlee’s accounts- science after all needs solid empirical data to test its hypotheses, not just ideas and inferences based on personal desires [emphasis added]
Yes. A creationist wrote the above paragraph. No. Apparently he doesn’t understand the very lesson he’s trying to give us.
We learn many a lesson from Conan Doyle’s thriller…
What’s this “we” shit, kemosabe?
…perhaps the most important being the absolute need for strong evidence and empirical rigor in science. [emphasis added]
I’m floored too. This is like Hurricane Katrina. It’s a broken levy of irony. The whole metropolis is flooded.
But look where Deyes goes with this. He completely misses the fact that both ARN and the Discovery Institute promote Intelligent Design creationism as science. Look what he writes next:
You know when fundies start off with that word that you’re about to witness gloriously oblivious reverse irony.
…such a lesson is entirely relevant to discussions on the apparent solidity of the “facts” of Darwinian evolution.
Yes, be sure to put “facts” in irony quotes! After all, those facts aren’t nearly as solid as the Intelligent Design creationism facts! There are mere “facts”, and then there are FACTS! When God was designing the universe, he made sure to create two types of facts. Real facts, which can only be detected by creationists, and fake facts, which can only be detected by people who are blinded by Satan.
While Darwin’s theory has been famously described as “one of the most illuminating scientific ideas of all time”, there is a growing body of respected scientists who are today skeptical about its macro-evolutionary aspects.
Deyes does give a footnote here, but it’s to a list compiled by Jerry Bergman of all people. It’s probably the same list of 700 that the Discovery Institute has been promoting. That list was discredited a while ago (Many thanks to Alcari, who found the video disproving the list!).
Deyes then goes on to quote mine and cherry pick and pretend to reveal all sorts of limitations in “Darwinism”. Blah, blah, blah. We’ve heard those lies before. Get back to the funny stuff!
Clearly there is much to be debated.
Is Robert Deyes merely ignorant or a total blooming idiot? Defending the ignorant argument is the Harvard Debate Team. Their opponent this evening, taking the blooming idiot side, is the Yale Debate Team…
I’m sorry. I drifted into a daydream. Where were we?
It seems somewhat ironic therefore…
…that Deyes keeps using that term without understanding that he is the irony.
…that the births of both Darwin and Conan Doyle should be brought together in a co-celebration of scientific and literary achievement…
…leaving Robert Deyes out in the cold, because he is incapable of either scientific or literary achievement.
After all unlike Conan Doyle’s Challenger, Darwin quite clearly continues to walk amongst his own judges.
Darwin’s real judges pronounced him accurate a century ago. Robert Deyes, however, still walks among his judges. They are about to decide whether he is an imbecile.
How say you?