FSTDT: December 2006

I don’t know if I’m going to make this a monthly feature or not. Fundies Say the Darndest Things is a pretty funny web site. If you don’t go by there occasionally, you’re missing out on some great entertainment. Every day, the site collects some of the craziest things that fundies say around the internet and republishes it in one convenient location. I actually find the site to be too much to take in anything but small doses. If you’re exposed to too much stupidity in too short a time, your brain will liquify and drain out of your ears.

To reduce this risk, I like to go by at the end of every month and just read the posts that have been given awards for exceptional fundieness. I’ve collected a few of my favorites from December, and I’m reprinting them below. This is not all of December’s award winners. I recommend that you go by FSTDT and check them all out. But remember, don’t stay too long!

In the posts below, you will notice a lot of misspellings. This is a fundie trademark. If their brains had the capacity to correctly process the English language, they might also be capable of processing an intelligent thought.

Bizarre Creationist Assertion of the Month

(Posted by oliver on RichardDawkins.net, on [2006-Dec-27])

“And just how did the Dinosaurs die 4000 yrs ago? Well, dinosaurs have very small nostrils which means that back then (4000-yrs ago), there was a very high oxygen content. Now maybe, just maybe that some time after the flood when dinosaurs populated the Earth again, conditions deteriorated resulting in suffocation. This is all to obvious but Science has to complicate it”

Comparison of creationists' dinosaur and paleontologists' dinosaur

The image on the left depicts the creationists’ view of how dinosaurs survived Noah’s flood. It also proves the logic of the fundie’s remark. As you can see by this image, the dinosaur has barely perceptible bumps for nostrils, and there are no visible holes for the air. They must be very small to not appear in the photograph. This means that the pre-flood atmosphere must have been extremely rich with oxygen, maybe approaching 100%. It’s a good thing that Exodus occurs after the flood. I’d hate to see how fast that bush would burn in a pure oxygen environment.

Another possible explanation for how the dinosaur in the picture on the left is able to survive without nostrils is that he is a mouth-breather, much like many fundies.

The image on the right, based entirely on strange things called “facts”, is clearly absurd. It shows a dinosaur who is perfectly capable of breathing our normal atmosphere, just like any other animal. We can instantly reject this image, because facts are annoying things that just get in the way of delusional fantasies. If God had wanted us to believe in facts, he wouldn’t have given us such active imaginations.

Just in case you harbor any sympathies to the crazy quote above, here’s an article with more information about “dinoses”.

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Pot and Kettle Prize

(proverbs3, faceparty [2006-Dec-19])

“it is written in the bible that god took a rib from adam and used it to form a eve. why wouldnt it be true? i mean are you suggesting we evolved? where is the proof? its not there.”

The following video (part 1 of 2) may actually show the above person at home with his family, as they discuss the origins of life. (YouTube page is here.)

[Video removed by those fascists at Time Warner]

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No Shit, Sherlock Award

(AV1611VET, Christian Forums [2006-Dec-25])

“I’m ignorant as the day is long when it comes to science in general and evolution specifically.

I carry a Bible — not a clipboard.”

This person is probably also in the same video (here’s part 2 of 2). (YouTube page is here.)

[Video removed by those fascists at Time Warner]

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Well, At Least He’s Honest Award

(JesusWalks78, Christian Forums [2006-Dec-01])

“If God ordered me to slaugter a whole nation, I would at least try to.”

W talks with Jesus

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Feel That Christian Lurve

(Chris Chen, Divine Interventions Guestbook [2006-Dec-14])

“God is love, and I pray you rot in hell for such filth and hatefulness. George W. Bush will put an end to sites such as yours. There can not be freedom without knowing right from wrong. People fought and died for the US FLAG and all it’s AMERICAN values.”

We might as well concede defeat and just put Jesus on the flag

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Proudly Marching Into the 16th Century Award

(disruptor, 123 Christian Forums [2006-Dec-06])

“AIDS is caused by immoral behavior, not by a virus.”

God on the couch

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Racist Fuckwad of the Month

(HeWillReturn, 123 Christian Forums [2006-Dec-06])

“But seriously, I really like this idea. It is like a big sign that tells us who the worse sinners are. Africans have the highest percentage of AIDS. They must generally be horrible sinners! Makes you wonder why God even made them.”

Ku Klux Klan

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Saddest Post of the Year
(Betty, Unidiversal [2006-Dec-10])

“Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he’d been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of “I knew you wouldnt understand! You’re just like everyone else!” before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I’ve dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he’s the one who’s feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its ‘ok’ to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem ‘cool’ and ‘hip’ and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son

Note: the boy eventually took his own life.

Teach the children well

One Response to “FSTDT: December 2006”

  1. Robbie Ousley Says:

    Thank you for posting this article from Unidiversal. It is not near as unusual as people try to believe – which makes it even more outrageous than it already appears to be. It’s time to build faith for diversity instead of faith for discrimination!