This Dork Couldn’t ID Farce if it Were Designed by God

Jesus Christ! It's a groundhog!

(Image from Casting Stones)

Creationist creatard Kevin Wirth poked his head out of his burrow, saw a “Darwinist”, and declared we’d have 6 more decades of religion in the public schools.

He made this declaration a few days ago on ARN’s blog, in an article titled “From the Dork Side of the Farce”. I think there’s supposed to be a joke in that title somewhere, but he has trouble communicating his ideas without quote mining, so we’ll just have to pretend we see his little funny and laugh. Come on, folks, yuck it up! We don’t want to embarrass him!

He writes:

Quite often I come across some fairly hypocritical commentary emanating from the Dork Side of the Farce. The topics of these bulletins range from “15 things that are wrong with ID”…

Only 15? Kevin! You need to look harder!

…to other delightful tidbits of smugly painted sanctimonious preaching intended to help those who might otherwise be mislead to spot the errors of ID.

Kevin is so deep in the Intellectual Dishonesty movement that he forgets that most people don’t need to lie to make their case.

I guess if ad hominem attacks or vitriol doesn’t work…

No, Kevin. The ad hominem attacks and vitriol have nothing to do with trying to discredit creationists. We accomplished that feat a hundred years ago. Your side sank in humiliation a century ago. You’ve got nothing left to stand on! You’re just like a modern-day flat-Earther who refuses to believe what was settled fact long before you were born.

The ridicule and the insults are for our amusement! Watching you creationists is like going to the old circus freakshow and laughing and pointing at the freaks, but without the guilt! After all, somebody can’t help himself if he’s an actual moron. Laughing at him would be cruel and insensitive. But if you choose to become a retard-a-riffic, negative-IQ, intellectual black hole, and then prance around in public babbling nonsense, well heck. We’re obligated to laugh at you!

…then breathtaking hypocrisy might fare better.

That last laugh break was so long, I completely forgot we interrupted you in the middle of a sentence. Thanks for providing that! I was having a bad day until now. Psychologists tell us to remember to laugh. Keep humor in your everyday life, and you will live longer and be happier. Thanks to Kevin Wirth, I’m going to be around for a long time! Life is grand!

A recent example of this would be New Scientist book review editor Amanda Gefter’s recent commentary on “How to spot a hidden religious agenda.” In it, she attempts to help her readers detect “religion in science’s clothing.”

You’re right, Kevin. That is a good article. Thanks for pointing it out. It will make it easier for my readers to spot your real motives.

But as I read her piece, I couldn’t help but notice that nearly every single item she mentions as a problem with the religious-like thinking she is so intent on hammering has a direct corollary with evolutionary thinking as well.

In comedy writing, this is known as the “set-up”.

It’s so interesting how critics can see the imperfections with someone else’s perspective, yet fail to see the same exact problem with their own.

This is the reinforcement.

Not only that, but many of her conclusions (as is typical of many like her who try to correct how IDers define themselves and their mission)…

Wow! More reinforcement?! He’s really building the tension now! Wait for it! Here comes the punch line!

…are clearly either imprecise…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! A creationist telling a biologist that she’s imprecise!

…cherry-picked…

HAR!!HAR!!HAR!!HAR!! Kevin Wirth condemning cherry-picking! That’s rich!

…or flat-out wrong.

OH NO!! STOP!! I CAN’T BREATHE!! Mr. Flat-Out Wrong of Flat-Out Wrong Flats thinks somebody else is in error!

Nothing like knocking down straw men (and women).

*gasp!* *air!* *I need air!*

Oh, Kevin! Thank you! I haven’t laughed that hard since Jerry Falwell blamed 9/11 on the feminists and the pagans!

20 Responses to “This Dork Couldn’t ID Farce if it Were Designed by God”

  1. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Dude, give Mr. Wirth credit. “The Dork Side of the Farce” title is quite possibly the most original funny thing that has ever been uttered by him.

    Congratulations, Mr. Wirth. Your article may have been devoid of anything useful (other than the funny enjoyed by snarky responses), but your title actually registers slightly on the funny scale. In ten or twenty years, you might be good enough to write for The Family Circus.

  2. Brian Says:

    When one becomes a fundie, the sense of irony is among the first of many intellectual casualties to be suffered. This is also why fundies lack a genuine sense of humor. They’ve locked their minds into an ideological straitjacket which only permits a very limited scope of inquiry. All other avenues of thought are now a sin that would make Jesus cry.

    Ron is entirely correct: scorn and ridicule are the only approaches possible, short of blindly ignoring them. These people have willingly turned their backs on reality, and should therefore not be extended the polite courtesy of inclusion in serious scientific discussions. They refuse to offer evidence, make predictions, publish in real scientific journals, and most importantly, deny that the Judeo-Christian God of the bible is responsible for all life on this planet. Yet they expect to be afforded the same respect as real scientists who do operate under the parameters I described above.

    And so they’ll go on making extraordinary claims without feeling the need to provide the obligatory extraordinary evidence, while simultaneously accusing real scientists of the same crime in an effort to mask the vapidity of their own arguments. By manufacturing a false controversy, people like ARN and the Discovery Institute hope enough school boards will be sufficiently confused to allow their brand of theological ignorance to infest science classrooms. Such behavior does not merit a seat at the adult’s table of scientific discussion. It deserves mockery and derision.

  3. Jeff Eyges Says:

    I’m not so sure about it being a choice. There’s a body of evidence now suggesting a neurological basis for fundamentalism. There’s a fellow at the University of Florida named Heilman who’s been doing some research – brain scans and such – and he thinks it originates in the prefrontal cortex.

    That being said – no, their behavior doesn’t merit a seat at the adult’s table, and yes, it does deserve mockery and derision. Even if they can’t help seeing the world from between a particularly narrow set of blinders, I can’t find it within myself to feel compassion for them, because, for the most part, they don’t try. They don’t even frakking try to break free, and they’re taking the rest of civilization down the path of destruction with them.

  4. Brian Says:

    Jeff,

    In many instances you are correct; it may not be a choice. Whether the cause is physiological or simple childhood indoctrination, or, as I like to call it, child abuse, the result is the same.

    Some people embrace it because they simply have no other choice. They’ve been raised with it since before they can remember and cannot possibly imagine any other worldview. I actually do feel pity for such a person, although any attempts to reach out will always be rejected. Others gravitate toward it gradually, usually driven to it by some form of unhappiness in their life that they cannot abide or come to terms with. Religion offers the easy out, and they take it. Sad, really.

  5. Ron Britton Says:

    although any attempts to reach out will always be rejected.

    That’s the key. You’ve seen what happens here when we try to educate them. Total rejection. Fine. If you want to stay in the crazy pool, stay there. We tried to help.

  6. Chuck Says:

    Do you think he realizes that he actually said nothing in that whole rant? Like – literally nothing. He just made claims – there was NO argument! How the fuck do these people stand to live with themselves?!

  7. OtherRob Says:

    I haven’t laughed that hard since Jerry Falwell blamed 9/11 on the feminists and the pagans!

    Don’t forget the gays. I’m pretty sure Falwell blamed the gays as well.

  8. Ron Britton Says:

    Chuck:

    Do you think he realizes that he actually said nothing in that whole rant?

    There was more to his article than what I excerpted above. I brought you the funniest stuff. The rest of it was all about that “academic freedom” fantasy he’s been on for the last year or so.

    If Kevin Wirth wants academic freedom, he’s going to have to propose something academic.

  9. Brian Says:

    Is it too much to hope for Kevin Wirth to bestow more of his profound insight onto these comments? Probably.

  10. Ron Britton Says:

    Brian:

    He’s certainly welcome to do so, which is more than we can say for his blog. Kevin won’t let anyone comment at ARN. He can’t handle a free and open debate. How about it, Kevin? Where’s the “academic freedom” to disagree with something you’ve published over there? Oh that’s right. “Academic freedom” is yet another fake controversy that you invented to hide your nonexistent theory, nonexistent data, and nonexistent peer review.

  11. Kevin Wirth Says:

    Ron. Don’t you think you’re being just a little bit hypocritical here? You accuse me of not allowing folks like you to comment, and that I’m not up to letting you have your little academic freedom feed. “He can’t handle an open and free debate.”

    Right.

    I seem to recall that YOU deleted an entire post I left here on your site a few months ago. Oh. Guess you musta forgot about that part, eh?

    You are *such* a moron!

  12. Ron Britton Says:

    Kevin:

    No, I have not forgotten your shameful behavior at all. You have posted a total of 32 comments on this blog. Of that entire number, I have only deleted one, and that was not for its content or its message. It was deleted solely because it violated my comment policy, which is clearly stated, publicly viewable, and applies equally to everyone who leaves comments here.

    If I were censoring your comments because I disagreed with them, then why have I left every single one of your other comments on this site?

    And let’s do a simple comparison. You have 31 comments on this site. How many comments have you allowed anybody to post on your blog? How many comments in total have you allowed onto your blog? Oh, that’s right! ZERO!!

    You appear to be unable to cope with a level playing field such as this one, and only feel comfortable when given special dispensation. This is exactly the same treatment you are demanding for all of your so-called “Darwin skeptics” and “Darwin doubters” and “academic freedom fighters”. You’ve got nothing, so rather than actually produce something meaningful and earn your seat at the table, you just whine and pout and stomp your feet and act like the world is oppressing you. You are demanding not only a seat at the table, but one that is immune from scrutiny by the rest of the world. That is what you require, because you lost the seat you once had when the world looked and saw you had nothing.

  13. Brian Says:

    Says Mr. Wirth:

    Ron. Don’t you think you’re being just a little bit hypocritical here? You accuse me of not allowing folks like you to comment, and that I’m not up to letting you have your little academic freedom feed. “He can’t handle an open and free debate.”

    Right.

    Soooo….I guess this means anyone can comment on your blog now, Kevin? Really, don’t deflect Ron’s valid criticism of your site by accusing him of that which you yourself are guilty.

    I know its hard for you to wrap your unschooled mind around this, but whenever you engage in disingenuous semantics like this and pretend that it all has something to do with the validity of that which you support, normal people with an operating brain can only conclude that your ideas are bullshit and that you’re not worthy of intellectual engagement. You are excluding yourself from the debate by your open disdain and disregard for the standards real scientists must abide by. You may truly believe that you and your ID cohorts are being treated unfairly by evil, secular scientists. I, however, will charitably assume that you are not that stupid and are merely engaging in willful dishonesty to further your sinister goals. In either case, a rational person can only conclude that you have nothing to offer in the way of intellectual enlightenment.

    That’s why we love you so much, Kevin. You validate everything this site is about!

  14. Parrotlover77 Says:

    There’s a body of evidence now suggesting a neurological basis for fundamentalism. There’s a fellow at the University of Florida named Heilman who’s been doing some research – brain scans and such – and he thinks it originates in the prefrontal cortex.

    My alma mater! Go UF! Maybe he can fix Tim Tebow of his fundieness.

    Anyway, this is interesting research. I am guessing he won’t be able to answer the causation question, though. Did fundamentalism create the unique brain scan, or did the unique brain scan create the fundamentalism?

  15. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Ron, would I be violating your comment policy if called Kevin a galloping fuckwit? If I were to go on to say that he is a complete waste of natural resources, that it’s a shame we can’t take all of the food, water and air that he uses and transfer them to some poor, starving child in a third-world country – would that be a violation?

    Because I certainly wouldn’t want to do that.

  16. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Brian, I agree with you about the child abuse. I understand it’s rampant in their subculture, and it contributes to the promulgation of their absolutely monstrous theology – the belief that humans are so inherently depraved that they’re literally born deserving of nothing better than eternal damnation.

    I can’t feel pity for them, though. Salvific exclusivism is the line of demarcation for me. Once they tell me I’m going to hell – that’s it, discussion is over.

    Fuck them. If you can feel sorry for them, you’re a better man than I am.

  17. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Did fundamentalism create the unique brain scan, or did the unique brain scan create the fundamentalism?

    Good question. I still have the best of the online articles about his research that came out last year. I’ll have to read it again.

    I’ll send you my email via your blog. If you’d like to read the article, I can send it to you.

  18. OtherRob Says:

    My alma mater! Go UF!

    Hey, Parrot Lover, that’s my alma mater too! Go Gators. 🙂

    Class of ’89.

  19. Ron Britton Says:

    Jeff:

    I don’t have anything in my comment policy against stating facts.

    I do have an overall rule that you have to be contributing to the conversation. So a long litany of facts about Kevin would probably be in violation, just because at some point it becomes too depressing.

  20. Brian Says:

    Jeff,

    There are degrees to which I might lament an individual’s need to believe absurd things. For instance, I have absolutely no tolerance or sympathy for people like Kevin Wirth who are actively attempting to foist their dipshit ideas onto those who neither want them nor need them. Whatever he believes personally is no concern of mine, even though he’ll always distort to debate to make it seem as if we atheists are out to rob them of their precious faith.

    On the other hand, there are Christians I know and love that believe the same bunk yet retain the good sense not to impose it on me or my kids. My in-laws all go to church regularly, pray for the most mundane of wishes to come true, post scripture on every available surface and listen to that insufferable Christian music that gets stuck in your head until you can rid yourself of it by listening to actual music. They know I’m an atheist and they’ve never once treated me any differently. I’m lucky, I suppose, given what they could be like, but its still regrettable that they waste so much time, energy, money, and emotion on nothing. I don’t know how else to feel but sorry for them.