Long Ropy Drool

Special Ed from Crank Yankers

Some mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, drool-leaking product of the Kansas or Texas school system sent me an email this morning:

Tsk, tsk! Didn’t learn no religion…didn’t learn no history, either! What a sham it is that you have this website. People…children! may come upon your website and think, hey, separation of church and state good; real history, bad. the US was founded on judeo-christian principles, whether you care to believe it or not. and separation SIMPLY means there will be no nationalized religion…you know, like in Iran, where all of their laws are based within Islamo-fascism first. hey, get history, get an education. you and websites like yours are why our country is in the mess it’s in. wake up, get up and grow up. do you still speak with your mother? she must just die every time you open your pie hole at thanksgiving.

I shouldn’t waste even a minute on people like this, because they can’t be reached. But I sent a reply anyway:

The problem with mouth-breathers like you is you think you’re educated, then you try to legislate your miseducation onto the rest of us.  Do us a favor and learn something before you pour your ignorance out.

Freedom of religion has included freedom from religion since day one.

We were founded on Muslim values at least as much as Christian ones.

Do us all a favor and move to Iran, since you want to live in a theocracy.

20 Responses to “Long Ropy Drool”

  1. k10w3 Says:

    The author of that e-mail would do better to focus less on their (mis)interpretation of history and religion, and get educated about English and Grammar. It’s so stereotypical, I have to wonder whether it was sent as satire! 😉

  2. Ron Britton Says:

    It doesn’t abuse the English language as much as some genuine fundie scat, so I’m guessing it’s real. It’s riotously funny that these people are such self-parodies that nobody can ever tell the genuine morons from the fake morons.

  3. Seth Says:

    Hey, just so you know, I love reading this site, and am a product of the Kansas school system.

    In fact, I’ve had the good fortune to have never met people like that emailer in Kansas schools, although I hear about them quite a bit.

    We aren’t all insane!

  4. Ron Britton Says:

    Evolution begins outside of Kansas


    I knew somebody would get offended about the Kansas remark. Obviously some people somehow manage to get a good education there anyway. It’s just that the odds are stacked against you.

    If you allow extremists onto your school boards, well, let’s just say you reap what you sow.

    Many other states are competing for the bottom position, you know. If you take a fast look at the NCSE alerts page, you’ll see creationists making moves in Alabama, California, Iowa, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, New Mexico, Ohio, Oklahoma, and Texas (and that’s just on the first two pages!).

    So stand proud, Kansas! You aren’t alone in your ignorance!

  5. Seth Says:

    No, not offended at all, since I do know just how idiotic this state can be (after all, the Flying Spaghetti Monster was created in response to idiotic Kansans).

    I just never ran into any of the idiots personally in Garden City (SW Kansas), which is where I lived for 21 of my 22 years of life. Maybe we managed to avoid them somehow? Not sure how we dodged that hail of bullets…

  6. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Didn’t learn no religion…didn’t learn no history, either!

    Schoolmarm was out that day, I see.

  7. Brian Says:

    I’m always fascinated by the sheer hypocrisy fundies display whenever they write a screed like this. Their entire theology revolves around the notion that they’re feeble, worthless, sinning wretches that would be models of depravity if not for their precious Jesus, but then they go and write e-mails in which they display a staggering arrogance which is most certainly not deserved. Not only do they know what is absolutely right and true (how frakking convenient) the all-powerful omniscient creator himself told them so, since he’s clearly on their side. These people fail to realize that every time they open their mouths or use a keyboard their words are as equally convincing as arguments against religion as anything we here might say.

  8. Lindsay Says:

    Seth: I’m from Nebraska, so I sort of know where you are coming from. Luckily I grew up in one of the few counties (3 out of 93) that voted Democrat in the last election…for some reason Saline county is a small liberal area in a sea of red. Perhaps GC is an enclave as well?

  9. J. A. Baker Says:

    I would like to step up and defend Texas. Not all of us here are theocratic fundagelical loons! Some of us here are trying to fight the likes of Don McLeroy, Barbara Cargill and Cynthia Dunbar.

    As much as I hate shameless plugs, I have to give one to the Texas Freedom Network, who are engaged in a Herculean effort to keep Texas from becoming the next Dover, PA.

  10. J. A. Baker Says:

    I should mention that I live in one of the blue areas of Texas – the one conservabots around here love to call “The People’s Republic of Austin.”

  11. Seth Says:


    Finney County tends to be fairly red (ex: McCain won the county 67%-32% over Obama), so I can’t say it’s much of a liberal bastion at all. I think I’ll just take the lucky break and figure out how I got it later.

  12. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Good on you guys fighting the good fight in your red states! I’m happy my red state flipped blue this election. GO NC!

  13. Lindsay Says:

    Nebraska has a split electoral system and Obama actually got one electoral vote from the 1st district…which not surprisingly, is the Omaha metro area. Our Republican governor, fearing that the blue might spread to other districts, promptly began seeking ways to turn Nebraska back to the traditional way of winner takes all. Talk about a sore loserman…not even losing really as the other 4 went to McCain!

  14. tommy Says:

    Do you want to defend yourself against the evil, marauding forces of Christianity?

    I just finished reading a book that talks about this stuff. So I’ll give it a plug.

    It’s called “Defending My God-given Right to NOT be a Christian” by Jimmy D. Kuratz. It proves that Christian theology is an invalid moral compass and that the Bible is a fraud! It gives us atheists a ton of ammunition for fending off the Christians. I bought the book off his website.


  15. Ron Britton Says:


    The book is self-published, and the site looks to be a bit hyperbolic. There are a lot of good books about the history of the Bible from recognized scholars and reputable publishers. I have a bunch that I keep intending to read.

    I’m not discrediting the book, since I haven’t read it. I’m just saying that you need to balance what you read in such a book against what you can confirm from other sources.

  16. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Our Republican governor, fearing that the blue might spread to other districts, promptly began seeking ways to turn Nebraska back to the traditional way of winner takes all. Talk about a sore loserman…not even losing really as the other 4 went to McCain!

    That’s amusing because conservatives in California are trying desperately to split the votes there since it always goes blue.

    Funny how you never hear liberals advocating for isolated regional/state changes that only favor them for vote counting.

    Personally, I think the electoral system in ALL states needs to GO AWAY. Popular vote, baby.

  17. 4ndyman Says:

    Another good book to check out: Why I Am Not a Christian, by Bertrand Russell. One of my favorite quotes, and, I believe, a definite statement of fact: “… belief in Paradise has considerable military value as reinforcing natural pugnacity.”

  18. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Indeed. It is easier to willfully give up your life when you are absolutely positive you will be rewarded by something better.

    What’s the difference between 72 virgins and an eternity of JesusBliss? Not much other than one focuses on sexual desire and the other on a bizarre Daddy Complex.

  19. Lee Larcom Says:

    Our Currency says” in God we trust”, but we can’t pray in schools. why should god bless America and not other country’s, hate that statement and i always have, its really ignorant if you think about it. More of a wish than a reality….

  20. Parrotlover77 Says:

    but we can’t pray in schools

    AGH. I know, I know, it’s a drive-by post, but I just can’t stand this meme. I get this most from family members because their churches LIE to them.


    The only — I repeat — THE ONLY issue with “prayer in schools” as far as U.S. law is concerns is prayer led by a teacher or faculty member.

    You probably wouldn’t be too excited to have your child led in a traditional Muslim prayer by a Muslim teacher, so it benefits your christocentrist world view as well.

    If you or your kids want to pray in private with each other, I’m sure Jesus is lying in his bed, masturbating to your words, so he can finally climax at the exact time you say, “Amen.”