Phone Call from a Fundie
I am opposed to torture. How sad that we’ve come to a time in history when that needs to be stated.
I also strongly believe that being free to choose your own religion (including choosing none, of course) is a fundamental human right that must be guaranteed throughout the world.
I also believe that being left alone and not being pestered by fundies is one of my rights. Freedom from religion includes not having them knock on my door or call me on the phone. The fact that I might occasionally agree with them is overshadowed by the entertainment value of annoying them right back.
The American Center for Law and Justice is Pat Robertson’s anti-ACLU. Where the ACLU fights to protect your rights, the ACLJ fights to remove them. Just have a look at their positions on your civil rights.
Somehow they got ahold of my phone number. I think they got my address from the Fundie Research Council. That’s the only fundie group who has it (They were giving away a book or DVD or something once, and I wanted to cost them money, so I ordered it.). I’ve never given them my phone number, so they must have used a reverse directory. Roughly every six months or so, I get a call from the ACLJ.
So today, I was sitting at my desk when the phone rang. Ironically, I was working on this blog. Bad timing, fundie! Don’t call an anti-fundie when he’s already busy writing things about you!
I answered the phone and was met with a long silence. This is the sign of a telemarketer. Their dialing robots place a zillion calls simultaneously, then only transfer to a live operator those calls that are answered . That saves the poor schlub who has to talk to you from having to make the calls herself and then sitting there while most of them go unanswered. This is much more efficient. With the dialing robot, as soon as she has finished getting yelled at by one person who is pissed at her for calling, she immediately gets to be yelled at by another person who is pissed at her for calling. She can probably get yelled at 120 times per hour. It’s a much better use of her time.
As I’m sitting there listening to the long silence, I’m trying to guess which lucky organization has earned my wrath today. With the Federal Do Not Call Registry, I no longer get calls from commercial con-men. Now I only get calls from non-profit con-men, who are exempt from the law.
After a good 20 seconds, a woman with a young, perky voice (who, I am sure, is also very hot!) tells me that she’s calling from the ACLJ with an urgent recorded message for all Christians from Chief Counsel Jay Sekulow. She tells me to wait on the line after the recording, so I can talk about the horrors I’ve just heard. I’m always curious to find out the latest perceived insult that has the fundies upset, so I decide to listen.
The next thing I hear is the recording of Jay Sekulow telling me that Christians in Muslim countries are being tortured for being Christian! He gives a couple of examples, then he tells me that the evil Islamic countries are trying to get the United Nations to adopt the “Defamation of Religions” resolution. If enacted into international law, it would make it illegal to spread Christianity!
The recording ended, and I was looking forward to talking to that hot babe again. Hot babes stopped calling me about 20 years ago, so I wanted to remember what it felt like. Imagine my disappointment when the next voice on the line is some other operator! She sounded like she was at least 90. I’m sure she’s very nice, but it was still a major disappointment. Oh well. Now I have no reason not to have a little amusement at their expense. They did call me, after all, and it was to talk about Christianity. I was willing to overlook this offense if they let me talk to the hot babe again, but by this time I’m sure she was already talking to some other guy! How was I supposed to feel?
Anyway, Granny came on the line and said: “So would you like to join the thousands of other Christians and put your name on our petition to stop the resolution to ban the spread of Christianity?”
I said: “No. I think banning the spread of Christianity is a great idea.”
“But do you think it’s a good idea that Muslims are torturing Christians?”
“Considering that you Christians think it’s a great idea for the US government to torture Muslims that you think are terrorists, I’d say turnabout is fair play.”
“Well thank you for your time.”
I haven’t been able to find out much about this “Defamation of Religions” resolution. Apparently it is real and being pushed by some of the Islamic countries. It would make it illegal to defame a religion. This, of course, goes against everything I stand for. There goes my whole shtick! If they ban defaming religion, I’ll have to blog about lawn bowling or something. Save the Bay of Fundie! Oppose the Defamation of Religions resolution!