YES! Please Send Tony Perkins to Jail!
Last week, Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council got my hopes up for nothing. I opened his daily email, and this bolded sentence jumped out at me:
My heart skipped a beat. Could it be true? What sort of weird sexual perversion was he caught at? Was he in the stall next to Larry Craig? Was he selling drugs to Ted Haggard? Was he snorting santorum?
Excitedly, I started reading from the top:
I want you to hear something a California pastor said to me recently:
“If we lose, we go to jail.”
It’s just that simple, says Pastor Jim Garlow—if marriage loses in California, religious liberties everywhere will be next.
Oh, piss! He’s not in any sort of trouble! He’s just in his typical whiny fundie-pout again about some imagined slight. OK, Tony, what is it today? Let’s look at that last sentence again:
…if marriage loses in California…
Oh, you’re right, Tony! I agree completely! If Proposition 8 passes, the right of every Californian to marry would be taken away. Only those people deemed worthy by religious zealots would be allowed to marry. The current law, which protects the rights of all citizens, must be preserved. If Proposition 8 passes, marriage would lose big time in California.
…religious liberties everywhere will be next.
Well that last part is a non-sequitur. Tony needs somebody to proofread his stuff, so errors like that don’t slip through.
Family Research Council has been pouring resources into a national campaign to defend marriage and religious freedom…
Damn, Tony! You surprise me! I thought you were a religious wackjob! I didn’t know you were a civil libertarian! I’ve been working hard defending marriage and religious liberties, too! And it’s tough work, let me tell you. Did you know there are literally millions of religious nutters out there working their asses off right this minute to destroy those two pivotal institutions? But with your help, we can defeat Proposition 8! Glad to have you on board!
I’m writing today to ask you again to stand with us. We still must raise $600,000 before the close of our fiscal year on September 30.
Wow. I admire your spunk, Tony! I’ve got a lot to learn. Here I’ve been toiling at this blog for almost three years now, and I’ve never made a dime. I don’t even carry advertising. I thought defending marriage and civil liberties was the price of living in a free society. I didn’t know I could also make major bucks at it! Now that we’re partners, you’ll need to slip a little of that my way, you know. I’m not asking for a lot. Just enough to quit my job so I can sit on my ass all day like you.
The stakes are enormous. We face a national menace to religious liberty:
• In Boston, a Christian adoption agency was shut down for refusing to place orphans with homosexual couples.
What is this world coming to? The rights of the homosexual couples were clearly violated. It’s a good thing we shut that bigoted agency down.
• In New Mexico, a Christian-owned studio was fined more than $6,000 for refusing to photograph a lesbian commitment ceremony.
Why do these religious boneheads think they can impose their narrow worldview upon the rest of us? I’m with you, Tony!
• In San Francisco, the city council officially condemned Christian opposition to homosexual adoption as hateful and discriminatory rhetoric.
Maybe that’s your problem, Tony. You’re wasting your effort in cities where we’ve already won. As you just pointed out, the city council is right on top of this issue. I think you need to put your effort into places that haven’t yet left the 12th century.
FRC has been protecting marriage during its 25-year history, and we’ve been voicing your values ever since activist judges in Massachusetts and California legalized counterfeit marriage and triggered a national debate.
Your prayers and generosity are enabling FRC to use our national platform to make the forceful case for traditional marriage in the media, in the churches, and at the grassroots.
God DAMN it, Tony! You ARE a religious wackjob!
How dare you claim that you’re on the side of protecting marriage! Marriage is just now getting out from under the yoke of centuries of Christian oppression.
In less than two months, voters in California, Florida, and Arizona will have the chance to place marriage out of the reach of activists and liberals.
You mean out of the reach of the civil rights of millions of Americans. Go back to the 12th century, Tony. There’s no room for your hate in this one.