Plan Nine from Shirley and Squirrely

Not quite Shirley, Squirrely, and Melvin

(Attention: If you are reading via an RSS reader, you will need to visit my web site to be able to play the MP3s. Make sure you have a recent Flash plug-in for your browser.)

This is one of those rare off-topic posts. I’m boggled by something that defies all rational comprehension. I guess since this blog deals with the effects of the irrational among us, it is somewhat on-topic.

I was poring over some search engine data, trying to figure out what is luring people to this site. It’s never what I think it is. I write some great articles, and they’re almost completely ignored. Then I write some stupid easy post that takes me five whole minutes and has no real social value, and that’s what everybody comes for.

I might write more later about some of the other weird stuff in that data. Today I’d like to focus on just one weird thing. Over the last month, I have received visits from 16 different people. These are the search terms they used to find my blog:

  • hey shirley this is squirrely
  • hey shirley this is squirrely lyrics
  • hey shirley this is squirrely mp3
  • Hey Shirley (This Is Squirrely) mp3
  • hey shirley this is squirrely do you have your ears on
  • squirrely and shirley cb radio mp3
  • cb radio songs hey shirley this is squirrely
  • mp3 downloads shirley and squirrely
  • Shirley Squirrely and Melvin

To those 16 people, and those who follow, I have one question:

What the hell is

wrong with you?

Most art can be categorized into one of four groups:

  • Good
  • Bad
  • So bad it’s good
  • So bad it’s still bad

Let me give you some examples:

So Bad It’s Good So Bad It’s Bad
Plan 9 from Outer Space Fire Maidens from Outer Space
Buck Rogers (movie serial) Buck Rogers (TV show)
Charlie the Hamster Shirley and Squirrely

I only titled this post the way I did, because “Fire Maidens from Shirley and Squirrely” doesn’t have the same recognition factor. Most people haven’t seen Fire Maidens from Outer Space. Those who have probably saw it on MST3K. Wimp! Pussy! You have no claim to the title “Have seen the worst movie of all time” until you have seen it the way it was meant to be seen: completely unadorned by funny commentary. You must watch it straight! Only then (if you survive) can you truly understand what bad is. Only then can you comprehend what it must be like to be incarcerated at Gitmo.

But if Fire Maidens isn’t available, you can always listen to Shirley and Squirrely.

Shirley, Squirrely, and Melvin, Live

The original CB radio song that I featured in earlier posts is So Bad It’s Bad, but even that is not as bad as their “live” album. You could make a case that the CB song has a certain goofy charm that elevates it into the So Bad It’s Good category. I would disagree with you, but I could at least recognize the elements within the song that almost make it listenable. The live album has no such charm.

Nonetheless, It took me a while to find these mp3s. I’m not going to waste all that effort just because they’re worse than I thought. I had to suffer through these things, so you do too. I’ll spare you the worst of it, though. The songs that follow are the actually the “best” ones on the album.

Let’s start with “Blue Suede Shoes”. I’ve heard some bad Elvis impersonators before, and this rivals the worst of them.

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

Next, let’s cue up “The Gambler”. What’s weird about this one is they bring in a normal guy to sing a mediocre version of the Kenny Rogers song, and the squirrels only provide high-pitched backup and sound effects. Listen for the squirrel guzzling the booze and taking a long drag on a cigarette.

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

That last song typifies what’s wrong with this album. They seem to have forgotten that they’re making a novelty record. They’ve gotten it into their heads that they’re making real music here. This is the sort of project that jumps the shark as soon as they start taking themselves too seriously.

Now that the squirrels have destroyed Elvis Presley and Kenny Rogers, let’s give them a chance to ruin the Beatles:

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

Clearly, Mark David Chapman shot the wrong singer.

Let’s finish with “Mercedes Benz”:

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

Roll, Janis, roll!!

14 Responses to “Plan Nine from Shirley and Squirrely”

  1. Sue Blue Says:

    Goddamnit!! I loved Janis Joplin! That version of “Mercedes Benz” is sheer sacrilege. I’m scarred for life. I really mean it – I’ll be having PTSD flashbacks for years over that one.

  2. Sue Blue Says:

    The squirrel band is cute.

  3. RayCeeYa Says:

    And the phenomenon of internet meme creation continues.

    Shirley/Squirrelly has become an internet meme and it’s spreading faster than a fire cause by a flaming lolcat across a dessicated August prairie. Believe it or not I actually heard it in a club at the end of the night a few weeks ago. The DJs there often try to play the most annoying thing they can find at after last call to facilitate the exit of the clientele.

    Anyway besides that, I love your articles. I check your site almost every day. Besides that don’t worry memes fade as quickly as they appear. A year from now things will be back to normal, and any reference to Shirley/Squirrelly will be greeted with the same blank stares “All your base are belong to me” are now.

  4. RayCeeYa Says:

    Oh, also, just so you’re prepared over the course of the next year you may see bumper stickers, and/or T-shirts.

    hmmmmmm, Shirley and Squirrelly in ’08, that’s not a bad idea.

  5. Ron Britton Says:

    Squirrelly, you can’t be serious.

    I’m riding a trend? That’s terrible. I just shut down the D****r threads to keep this site from being hijacked by a few ill-advised articles. Now I’m going to be flooded with S&S comments?

    At least my record of being way out ahead of trends continues. I posted my first S&S article in April of last year. The rest of the world is just now catching up to me.

  6. Lindsay Says:

    NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Not The Gambler. You can never have gone to school and just listen to that song and know all there is to know about life.

    Is the guest singer at least a Kenny Rogers look alike?

    I do read the articles Ron. I admit though, sometimes I don’t feel quite smart enough to reply…I’ve never been particularly good at formulating decent replies at all times. Just because you might not get as many replies does not mean they are not appreciated!

  7. Barbara Says:

    I don’t read the articles. I just look at the pictures.

  8. arkonbey Says:

    Just want to say that Fire Maidens was WAYYYYY better than Plan 9. Mostly due to lots of cute girls.

    Oh, and the fact that it can be made more bearable by watching the MST3k of it…

  9. cipher Says:


    It could be worse; the squirrels could be evangelicals:

  10. Ron Britton Says:


    You’re wrong. Shirley and Squirrely are way worse than Rev. Billy Bob’s Rodent Revival.

  11. cipher Says:

    I’ll have to take your word for it!

  12. Lindsay Says:

    Want to see something worse?

  13. cheryl Says:

    Damnit just tell me how can I get the song “hey shirley this squirrelly” it was a favorite of mine when I was a kid

  14. Ron Britton Says:

    Damnit just tell me how can I get the song “hey shirley this squirrelly” it was a favorite of mine when I was a kid

    Modern psychotherapy does wonders for dealing with an abused childhood.

    But if you insist, go here.