Laura Schlessinger

Radio host Schlessinger is a self-righteous, self-appointed guardian of America’s moral fabric. Here’s a picture of her without any fabric:

If you can't show something nice, don't show anything at all!

She is a fundie in the broad sense, being Jewish. Or not. She seems to keep changing her mind on the subject. In any event, fundies use the extreme beliefs of their chosen religion to tell others how to live their lives. Apparently there is a fundie license or something that allows one to do this, because it seems to come with a waiver that gives the holder an exemption from their own decrees (the Do As I Say rule).

She is opposed to divorce, even though she had one. She is opposed to extra-marital affairs, even though she was “the other woman” in one, leading to the breakup of that marriage, too (she really seems to have it in for the institution of marriage).

For a while (1998–2004), she ran a foundation—rather egotistically named after herself—The Dr. Laura Foundation. It was set up to help abused and neglected children. This, by itself, is noble. However, any money collected above what the foundation needed was funneled to anti-choice (i.e., anti-privacy, pro-women’s subjugation, or anti-abortion—take your pick of terms) organizations. The foundation was up-front about the redirection of funds, so no malfeasance is implied. The problem here is that by opposing abortion, she is increasing the number of abused and neglected children. Well, that’s one way to keep the racket going.

Since the closing of the foundation, she is directing listeners to support adoption and abstinence programs. Adoption is good, but (like most fundies) she hasn’t adopted any of these “unwanted” children. Apparently she doesn’t want them either. The other problem is that abstinence programs not only don’t work, they appear to actually have the opposite effect, increasing sex and pregnancy among teens. I’ll post a link to the research when I’m able to track it down.

Unlike some of her peers, she’s not a total moral loser. According to Wikipedia, here are a few of the instances of rationality that manage to poke out of that under-used brain of hers:

  • Exercise personal responsibility
  • Do not spend more than you have
  • Do not become romantically involved with people who are clearly untrustworthy
  • Leave abusive relationships immediately

What would a fundie be without ridiculous beliefs? Here’s a few (again, from Wikipedia; my comments in italics):

  • Divorce, when there are children, should not occur without the presence of Abuse, Addiction, or Adultery (her “three A’s”). (It’s a good thing she got divorced before she had children! It’s a Get Out of Jail Free card!)
  • Live-in arrangements outside marriage (“shack-ups”) are immoral. (Thank you for your decree. Your own sterling morality is an inspiration to us all.)
  • Women who engage in sex outside marriage are “presenting themselves virtually as unpaid whores.” (It’s a good thing that Dr. Laura has never had sex outside marriage!)
  • All contraception is unreliable. Therefore, couples should abstain from sex outside of marriage. (Of course advice given on radio shows is 100% reliable, so you have to follow that!)
  • Teenage girls who wear croptops and other revealing outfits are “sluts”. (But apparently posing for nude photographs does not make one a slut.)
  • Dating should not begin until age 17 or 18. (You can date your hand until then!)
  • Couples should not marry until their late 20s. (But remember, no sex until then!)
  • Parents who have divorced should not remarry until all children are over 18. (So you should have out-of-wedlock wild sex on the sly.)
  • Abortion constitutes murder, and should be performed only when the mother’s life is in danger. (What’s this? Moral relativism? Is it murder or isn’t it?)
  • The pro-choice movement, especially Planned Parenthood, is evil and deceptive. (All Planned Parenthood clinics have an elevator straight to hell.)
  • The National Education Association and the American Library Association want to allow children to access explicit materials online. (That’s part of the evil commie liberal plan to destroy America from within!)

If you happen to be gay, be aware that Dr. Laura thinks that you are a mistake:

I’m sorry — hear it one more time, perfectly clearly: If you’re gay or a lesbian, it’s a biological error that inhibits you from relating normally to the opposite sex. The fact that you are intelligent, creative and valuable is all true. The error is in your inability to relate sexually intimately, in a loving way to a member of the opposite sex — it is a biological error.

Internal Links

See the letter to Dr. Laura.

External Links

PJ Comix.

10 Responses to “Laura Schlessinger”

  1. riceroni Says:

    Dear Dried Up Ugly Right Wing Cunt:

    Just because you have letters after or before your name does not make you qualified to do everything under the sun. Being a PHD in Physiology makes you qualified to tell me why my knee is growing out of the back of my calf. It does not qualify you to tell anyone how they should run their relationships, their lives, or their families any more than it qualifies you to re-wire my house.

    So shut the fuck up.

  2. Debbie Says:

    Roy linford Adams is attacking you publicly on his myspace website. please take notice the man is slanderious. and rude… Debbie Perkins

  3. Ron Britton Says:


    You’d better read his website again. If that is an attack, I hope I’m attacked more often.

    It sure is suspicious that you and he both hail from the sparsely-populated state of Maine. I suspect ulterior motives here. You’re either mad at him, or you’re trying to drum up traffic to his site.

  4. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Was a link removed? Who’s Roy Linford Adams?

  5. marie Says:

    Dr. Laura is right on all counts. Yes, she screwed up ROYALLY, but who better to be an expert at what does real and lasting damage than someone who has experienced it. And, by the way, it possible to abstain from sex until marriage. Take it from the 24 year old virgin who knows (5 foot 2, 100 pounds waist length thick dark brunette hair, native American beautiful skin in case the next comment was going to be “you must be fat or ugly”, not hardly…

  6. Ron Britton Says:


    Dr. Laura is right on all counts.

    Really? So homosexuals are an “error”? Abstinence-only sex education, which has been proven to be counter-productive, actually works? Divorce is usually wrong? Sex outside marriage is always wrong?

    What century did she step out of? If you think all of this is so correct, please go back to that century, and take her with you.

  7. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Take it from the 24 year old virgin who knows (5 foot 2, 100 pounds waist length thick dark brunette hair, native American beautiful skin in case the next comment was going to be “you must be fat or ugly”, not hardly…

    I believe 4chan says it best when somebody posts how hawt they are with the witty retort of… “tits or GTFO.”

    Taking it up the butt to save your precious v-jay-jay’s hymenical purity may technically make you a vaginal virgin, but for crying out loud, you still fucked. Definition of “is” is and all that.

  8. johnnyrocket Says:

    Dear Marie (24 Year Old Virgin),

    I bet you abstained from sex. If you’re as hot as you describe, than I’m 11 inches…limp. Why should we take any advice from you? If you’re truly who you say you are, you have NOT been alive long enough to give advice (and while I’m at it, what on God’s earth makes you think anyone wants to hear about your virginity?).

  9. Laura Schlessinger Says:

    She was very hot. Please don’t take her ideas so seriously. Have a sense of humor. Good day!

  10. Rat Masterson Says:

    Yeah, BABY! I’d do her! Threw a wad for her just a bit ago.