My Campaign Materials Will Be Arriving Soon!

You might recall that way back in November, I received a call from Pat Robertson’s anti-ACLU, the ACLJ. They wanted to send me a pack of letters to send to all of my friends and relatives to enlist them in the fight to take away women’s rights.

I told them that if they were as pro-abortion as I am, I would be happy to send out their letters. They said they were!

I’ve been waiting by my mailbox ever since. I was beginning to feel like a jilted lover. They stood me up!

But then I received this postcard yesterday:

Mail from the dangerous

I like the way that hammer is aimed at that infant’s head.

Anyway, you can see that they’re still promising to send me that stuff. Here’s what it says on the back:

Mail from the dangerous

I don’t know how much longer they think they can string me along like this. If they can’t live up to their promises, I don’t think I can trust them anymore. And without trust, the relationship is doomed. Maybe it’s time for me to date a different fundie organization.

17 Responses to “My Campaign Materials Will Be Arriving Soon!”

  1. Parrotlover77 Says:

    I’m trying to figure this one out. They are spending money mailing out post cards that tell you that in the future you will receive something from them in the mail? What for? This is completely a money wasting effort! The true believers will wait.

    There’s something ironically poetic about this organization spending extra money from their conservative donation coffers on a service offered by a government owned business owned by the very government that they complain about spending money on abortions.


  2. Ron Britton Says:


    They had told me on the phone to expect the material within two weeks. I suspect it has taken them longer to write the stuff than expected.

    When you’re trying to convince people to surrender their freedom, you have to phrase things ever so delicately. They were probably rewriting it or testing the results on a subgroup.

    As far as using a government service is concerned, they would probably paraphrase Thomas Jefferson: “That government is best which governs our way the best.”

    [BTW, I just did a quick search. Apparently that quote is frequently misattributed to Jefferson. It actually came from Henry David Thoreau.]

  3. Jeff Says:

    It still floors me (although I don’t know why) that they go to so much trouble to try to get these kids born, then they don’t give a flying fuck about what happens to them from then on. Of course, they’d deny this vigorously. The cognitive dissonance is staggering.

    The other day, on Debunking Christianity, someone who styling him/herself “ATheist” (see how clever?) left this gem:

    My heart breaks when I think of the over One Million innocent babies aborted in the USA every year becaue atheists think they are not human.

    To which I replied:

    Why? Why does your heart break? You believe all of those fetuses have immortal souls, and, furthermore, you undoubtedly believe they all go straight to heaven. The world being what it is, if they’d been carried to term, the chances are overwhelming that they’d have gone to hell. So they get a one-way ticket to eternal bliss, without ever having to suffer through the pain and misery of this world, and without running the risk of missing out on heaven.

    Needless to say, I received no reply.

    They really do have shit for brains. They’re operating on pure sentiment, and most never give a moment’s thought to what they “believe”, beyond what their pastors tell them.

  4. Jeff Says:

    Oh – and if they ever called me, I’d tell them I’d join their crusade, if they could assure me that all of the fetuses brought to term would subsequently be raised by liberal or secular humanist families. I don’t think they’d be calling me again after that.

    Christ, I fucking HATE these people. If it were up to me, I’d take away their civil liberties so fast it would make their heads spin (then they could perform exorcisms on one another).

  5. Ron Britton Says:

    So they get a one-way ticket to eternal bliss, without ever having to suffer through the pain and misery of this world, and without running the risk of missing out on heaven.

    Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

    Being aborted is fun! It’s just like playing Monopoly!

  6. Parrotlover77 Says:

    @Jeff – For about 30 seconds, I read that as “AT heist” and was perplexed by what on earth that could mean. heheh.

    I was actually surprised to see that the abortion statistics figure of “one million” per year is fairly accurate. I’m so conditioned to fundies lying about statistics, I thought it would be off by an order of magnitude or two.

    Still, I think that number is overinflated in the sense of what people think of when they think of abortion. Clearly, the fundies are trying to imply that all these abortions were simple elective birth control choices, but there are many cases that they are not a choice at all. Of course, we all know that here.

    A woman I knew a while back had Leukemia. It had been in remission for over ten years, until she got pregnant. It came back strong. The doctor had absolutely no choice but to terminate the pregnancy, to save her life. Although this pregnancy was an “accident” she did, very much, want to have a baby. The doctor prescribed some sort of pill that induced miscarriage (I believe she was just over two months at that point), then she began aggressive chemotherapy, and she had to be hospitalized for three months in a completely isolated “bubble” room because she practically had no immune system at that point.

    There is absolutely no doubt that had she avoided treatment and not gotten the abortion (a prerequisite to effective cancer treatment), she and the fetus would have both died.

    But I digress. Of course, I’m not arguing that there should be a litmus test for abortions — women are simply not baby incubating appliances, no matter their health and fitness for pregnancy. It’s just that these numbers are often flung around without any context by the fundies. Many delusional fucks living in fundie world would have suggested she just soldier on and god would take care of her, her disease, and the baby, but that’s just insanity. Despite those with no hope of sanity, I think there are probably quite a few quiet fence-sitters, particularly women in fundie relationships or fundie states, who may be antiabortion simply because they are ignorant of all the messy gray areas with this issue.

    Hopefully they can be reached.

    Inb4 Jeff telling me they can’t and me replying that they can, ad nauseum.

  7. Jeff Says:

    Many delusional fucks living in fundie world would have suggested she just soldier on and god would take care of her, her disease, and the baby

    Oh, of course. He never gives us anything to handle that’s greater than our ability to bear it, blah blah. Meanwhile, people are broken by their suffering every day – but, as long as they get the security blanket for the few brief decades they’re here, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

    God, they make want to retch.

  8. Jeff Says:

    I should say, though, that I’m not entirely immune to the sentimental appeal. That picture of the baby, above, gets to me a little. I have a young cousin who’s like my son – I helped to bring him up – and he has a one year-old, and tomorrow, they’re moving from NYC to San Francisco, and it’ll be a long time before I see the baby again (if ever) – so, yeah, I get it. I get the sentiment. I’m not quite as big a bastard as I seem.

    That being said, you kids get off my lawn.

  9. Parrotlover77 Says:

    In that sense, I’m more of an emotionless bastard than Jeff for once. I see that baby in that picture and the first thought in my mind is “eww” accompanied by a sort of gagging wretching reflex.

    Babies never “did it” for me. I have a few nephews, and they are cool now that a few of them are getting older, but I could just never get excited about the prospect of being an uncle.

    Now, show me a picture of a baby bird, puppy, kitten, or some other baby fuzzy, furry, feathery, scaley animal, and I will melt into a little puddle of oochie-coochie.

    So, in this case, you are clearly a lot more human than I am, Jeff. 😉

  10. Jeff Says:

    There’s no need to be insulting!

    You know, with children, I’m absolutely nothing like the way I am with adults. Nothing. The polar opposite. In fact, I’m a notorious pushover with kids; I’m famous for it. It’s on my resume.

    Unfortunately, I have trouble getting my young cousins to give me the time of day.

  11. Ron Britton Says:

    I see that baby in that picture and the first thought in my mind is “eww” accompanied by a sort of gagging wretching reflex.

    Finally! I am not alone!

    What I really can’t stand is crying babies in public. AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! Whenever I hear one, I usually mutter under my breath: “Shoot that thing!”

    Occasionally, I don’t mean it.

  12. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Worse than that is when coworkers feel the need to email the entire company when they squeeze out a new baby with ten gigabytes of pictures of a shrivled slimey newborn. I don’t care about your family tree! Don’t send me pictures and waste my bandwidth!

  13. Ron Britton Says:


    What about the ones who go out on maternity leave, and then at some point they come into work lugging that thing. They take it around to all the cubicles, and you have to pretend like you’re impressed and happy for them and like babies.

  14. Jeff Says:

    Wow, you guys really don’t like babies, do you? On the other hand – I, the misanthrope, the fascist who wants to round up evangelicals and herd them into camps – I love babies.*

    How crazy is this?

    (*Well, not as much as I used to. I don’t care for anything the way that I used to.)

  15. OtherRob Says:

    My opinion of babies crying in public has changed somewhat since I became a father. Oh it can still be annoying as heck, but now I blame the parents…

    No, the parents truly can’t always control their child’s crying. Sometimes it’s just beyond their control. But in those situations a reasonable parent removes their child from the public place so as not to annoy everyone else.

  16. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Ron – Indeed, and then despite being back from leave, no work gets done because inbetween gushing to everybody about their success in doing something absolutely unincredible (making a baby), they come in late, leave early, and take two hour lunch breaks. And if they are a woman, add two 30 minute pumping sessions to the day. Awesome!

    OtherRob – Word. I’ve always blamed the parents. I don’t hold any personal grudge or wish any ill will to any newborn. It’s not their fault they exist. In fact, in a strange way despite my general attitude, I’m excited for them to be born into a stable household instead of a poor third world country. I’m even happier when they are born to a family somewhere on the spectrum of humanism. I do get a little sad when it’s a republican procreating, but, again, it’s not the newborn’s fault his/her parents are mentally and morally challenged.

    Jeff – It’s a relief to find out you have something you see positively in the world, however small. And yes, the irony is not lost on me, the bleeding heart of bleeding hearts. 🙂

  17. Jeff Says:

    Yeah – but I try not to get too attached these days, because I don’t think any of us has a future.