God Hates Milk

Homo milk. What do they have to pull on to extract it?

(Image from Yarn Harlot)

If you do a Google search on “fundie”, you sometimes find odd things. Such as fundie milk. Hill Country Gal picks up the story:

So, we were at the grocery store & Hubby walked over to get some milk. I NEVER drink the stuff so it’s his job to pick out what brand of milk he wants for his cereal.

I’m 2 AISLES over when I hear him

Hubby: “What the hell is this?”

Pause.

Hubby: “I will NOT buy fundie milk.”

Fundie milk?

I basically broke out in a full-tilt run to the milk aisle.

Hubby was standing there with this brand in his hand.

Fundie milk

There were 4 people with their grocery carts standing there staring at him.

Me: “Fundie milk?”

Hubby: “Look at this.”

Pause.

Hubby: “I will NOT buy milk that quotes Deuteronomy.”

Oh, he’s such a LIAR kidder some times.

I took the jug out of his hand and read the label.

“from Deuteronomy 26:9, ‘He brought us to this place and gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey.’” See for yourself here.

Whoa.

Fundie milk.

It turns out this dairy is in — wait for it — Texas! We all knew it had to be one of those states, didn’t we?

I always wondered why some people are so insecure about their faith that they have to plaster Bible verses on everything they touch. Somehow by printing it everywhere, they’re saying “See? We believe in God! Really we do!” Or maybe they think that by converting others, their choice of religion will become valid. If everyone else believes it, it must be true!

Alaska Airlines is famous for printing Bible verses on little sheets they include with your meal. You can pray all you want. It won’t make the food taste any better. Or maybe they don’t trust their maintenance crew, and they’re giving everybody a chance at a deathbed conversion.

I’m not offended by the verse. I think it’s a shallow attempt at piety. Again, who are they trying to fool here? Besides, I get the satisfaction of throwing the verse away. Ordinarily if someone were to see you throwing away something Biblical, they might get offended. Throwing Jesus in the garbage is usually considered blasphemy. But in this case, everybody on the plane is doing the same thing! Kind of cheapens the religion, if you ask me.

The most notorious example of putting religious verse on a product label comes to us from Dr. Bronner’s soap. Here’s a scaled-down view of their label:

Dr. Bronner's soap label

Yes, every part of that label that isn’t needed for product information is devoted to quotations. Here’s a closer look at just one piece:

Dr. Bronner's soap label, detail

The quotes are actually from a variety of sources and a variety of religions. The guy was into promoting the “one true faith”, which was somehow a homogenization of all religions together.

I haven’t bothered to look, but I’d be willing to bet there is at least one quote from the Koran on there. I wonder how the Muslims feel about people throwing pieces of the Koran into the garbage.

Supermarket Finds

Getting back to the milk, I wanted to balance out the fundie milk with anti-fundie milk — the type that would make Fred Phelps have a hemorrhage. These aren’t Photoshopped:

Homo milk with a Canadian maple leaf

(Image from Funny Hub)

Note the Canadian maple leaf. Then we have this stuff, which is even more suspicious:

TruTaste homo milk

TruTaste homo milk, detail

(Images from Nihil)

These (plus the one at the top of this post) are all from Canada. I guess they don’t think like fourth-graders up there.

While I was looking for those pictures, I found this:

Spotted Dick

(Image from OTM Cycles)

That’s what penicillin is for.

Again, it’s from Canada. Taken collectively, I don’t know what all of these pictures say about those people.

15 Responses to “God Hates Milk”

  1. Flonkbob Says:

    Dude, don’t be mean to the Spotted Dick! I know, odd name. Funny even. But it’s an old old favorite bread pudding and it’s GOOD. Mmmm, I wish I had some right now. But do I dare tell my wife? Oh, wait…she bought me my last spotted dick, so I guess it’s okay with her.

    We could send some to ol’ Freddie and see if he likes the taste too!

  2. Ron Britton Says:

    Flonkbob:

    I think Fred’s problem is that he’s afraid that he secretly craves Spotted Dick.

  3. Jane Says:

    Spotted Dick is lovely with custard, but actually it wouldn’t surprise me if all Canadians thought like 9 year olds but were just quietly proud of it!

  4. Egaeus Says:

    Heh, Dr. Bronner’s label is full of crazy, but if you read about the guy, he wasn’t half bad. However, I’m not a big fan of the soap. For something that’s supposedly super duper extra concentrated, it sure takes a lot to finish washing up.

  5. Bacopa Says:

    Promised Land has grabbed a HUGE portion of the Texas natural foods market for the last few years. I think they are not that overly fundie. Interesting they originally planned to spawn redfish on their farm. What were they thinking? They are a couple hundred miles from the coast. Good thing they went for cows instead.

    The number one supplier of aquarium gravel in the US also has a Bible quote on their packaging.

  6. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Here in NC, I’ve run into quite a few “christian companies” that sport gigantic christian fish in their logos. Nothing like using religion to sell a product! Want your house painted? You know those dirty mexican painters are atheists! Get your christian on with our paint!

    The worst though, is the Karate Kids For Christ (seriously exists). Their logo is a drunken collision of every terrible logo idea one could think of for Karate, Christ, the Triangle, and Kids. It’s so damn funny. It’s also damn embarrassing that the one oasis down here from southern fundieness (Raleigh/Durham Research Triangle Area) is still inflitrated by something so damn embarrassing. God, at least get a halfway decent logo for christ’s sake!!

  7. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Oops forgot to include the link to the logo.
    http://karatekidsforchrist.com/

  8. Parrotlover77 Says:

    LOL I never went to karatekidsforchrist website before and it’s so funny for more reasons than the logo!

    Attention Parents: Have your children wanted to learn Karate or Martial Arts but you were concerned about the potential influences of a non-Christian environment?

    Translation: Parents – are you worried your argument for your religion is so weak that you worry that some eastern religion/philosophy might make more sense to your kids? If so, get your christ and your kicks on at Karate Kids for Christ!”

    Good times…

  9. Pbgh Jen Says:

    My daughter’s gymnastics school was bought and went fundie and we pulled her out. I think that quite a few parents were a little alarmed at why the new owners felt the need to mix religion with tumbling class. Check out the mission statement:
    http://www.trinitygymnastics.com/
    I guess if you are a jew (or anything else for that matter!) you’d have to find a new gym since it is a Christian environment. Or, is it a “don’t ask, don’t tell” kinda thing?

  10. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Are they allowed to exclude non-Christians? What if you went in there just for the karate or tumbling lessons, but then left before the sermon (or whatever)? Or, even better, challenged the coach on their beliefs as they read from the bible?

  11. Ron Britton Says:

    From their mission statement:

    …and to develop healthy minds, bodies, and souls that will last a lifetime.

    Aren’t souls supposed to last a bit longer than that?

  12. Lindsey Says:

    OK, as a Canadian (and a homo), I will confirm, we do giggle at “Homo milk” around age 10 or so, but soon grow used to it. It’s there, at the grocery store, just like long English cucumbers and kumquats. We buy it, consume it.

    It still rocks, though.

  13. P-Dunn Says:

    What’s ironic about this whole situation is that Promised Land milk (at least the chocolate milk) is some of the best I’ve ever had. It’s fantastic.

  14. ericsan Says:

    mmmmm kumquats…

    Anyway, talking about proselytizing douchebags, have you ever flown Alaska Airlines? When I flew them a few years ago (before the crash of flight 261), I was shocked to find a little piece of paper with a bible quote included in my (crappy) lunch box.

    Turns out they were owned by a bunch of fundies (they’ve since been taken over by another airline) who cared more about pushing their “values” onto unwilling customers than doing the right thing with maintenance: the investigation revealed widespread problems where management pushed severe cost-cutting measures that eventually caused the crash.

  15. Lindsay Says:

    Spotted Dick is a British product that is common in Canada, and you can find it over here too at World Markets. My socialist British husband buys a can every time we go to that store.

    Usually the product stuff doesn’t bother me too much as long as it’s not overtly prostelyzing and the product is good.