Fundies Don’t Like Sarah Palin

I didn't manipulate this. The image height coincidentally is 666!

Even though she sucks up to them, and even though I hear a lot of fundies praise her, Sarah Palin may not be as popular among fundies as we thought.

The Fundie Research Council recently held its annual “Values” Voter Summit (and by “values”, they mean they value regression to the 12th century). They conducted a straw poll (meaning only those with the brain of the Straw Man from the Wizard of Oz may vote) of members. These are the results:

Name Votes Percentage
Mike Pence 170 24%
Mike Huckabee 159 22%
Mitt Romney 93 13%
Newt Gingrich 72 10%
Sarah Palin 51 7%
Rick Santorum 39 5%
Jim DeMint 38 5%
Bobby Jindal 15 2%
Mitch Daniels 13 2%
Chris Christie 11 2%
John Thune 11 2%
Bob McDonnell 10 1%
Marco Rubio 10 1%
Paul Ryan 7 1%
Haley Barbour 6 1%
Ron Paul 5 1%
Jan Brewer 1 0%
Undecided 12 2%

Notice that Sarah Palin is 5th on that list, and a rather weak 5th at that.

I don’t know enough about Mike Pence to be scared yet, but I think I’d better read up on him. Something tells me I won’t like him.

Huckabee scares me, because he’s smarter the Palin, and probably more dangerous as a result.

Conservative Christians are generally distrustful of those “non-Christian” Mormons, so I’m a bit surprised to see Romney do as well as he did. I guess they don’t care how their anti-liberty agenda gets implemented, just as long as it does.

We all know that Newt Gingrich is a sterling example of the “values” that fundies promote, so why is he on this list at all? Oh, that’s right. It’s “do as I say, not as I do.”

Rick Santorum? Is he even still around? I thought we drove his ass out of town on a rail. I guess like a bad stain on the sheets, you can’t get rid of the Santorum.

Jim DeMint is at least as dangerous as anybody on this list. It’s good to see him polling at only 5%.

The rest of the people on this list are, effectively, down in the noise. It’s not a large sample size, and it was a self-selected subset of fundies, so take this list with your blood pressure medicine.

Their Vice Presidential list is interesting, too:

Name Votes Percentage
Mike Pence 119 16%
Sarah Palin 112 15%
Rick Santorum 75 10%
Paul Ryan 51 7%
Jim DeMint 45 6%
Mike Huckabee 43 6%
Marco Rubio 43 6%
Bobby Jindal 36 5%
Bob McDonnell 31 4%
Chris Christie 25 3%
Mitt Romney 25 3%
Newt Gingrich 24 3%
Jan Brewer 20 3%
John Thune 15 2%
Mitch Daniels 10 1%
Haley Barbour 6 1%
Ron Paul 5 1%
Undecided 38 5%

Sarah Palin polls much higher on this list. These are the scariest results. VP represents her most realistic shot of becoming president. She’ll get in through the back door (which is not the “back door” that most gay-hating Republicans actually use, if you get my drift. I hope they wash the sheets before the santorum sets.).

22 Responses to “Fundies Don’t Like Sarah Palin”

  1. Parrotlover77 Says:

    “Take it to the rim for a hail mary pass.” That is just brilliant.

    Personally, I think straw polls are as useful as literally reading tea leaves, but I will agree that when the two are compared side by side, it is interesting to see how this group of fundies prefer their Sarah second to Pence. Women are second rate citizens to these assholes, after all. I’m sure that is no coincidence.

    Also, too, go to, type “santorum” in the search box and click “I’m feeling lucky!” You will not be disappointed.

  2. Pete Moulton Says:

    I don’t know enough about Mike Pence to be scared yet, but I think I’d better read up on him. Something tells me I won’t like him.

    Think Michele Bachmann in a suit. He’s got that same 1000-yd stare, and that mile-wide streak of lunacy.

  3. sue blue Says:

    I had a shocker moment when an old friend whom I had previously thought to be fairly lucid and intelligent admitted that he liked Palin. This was while she was still pretending to govern Alaska. He defended her less than stellar academic record and claimed that she was just “misunderstood” and underrated by the snotty, intellectual-elitist, Socialist Democrats. He also mentioned, as a rather telling aside, that he thought she was good-looking. This is when I had my revelation. The people that voted for Bush because they thought he was just a good ‘ol boy they could have a beer and shoot the shit with any old time, would come out and vote for Palin, not because she had any kind of qualifications at all, but because she’s the kind of hottie they’d all like to screw in their fervid little fantasies. If the country got screwed in the process, why, it wouldn’t be that sweet li’l skirt’s fault – it would be them eeeeevil libs, makin’ trouble for a nice, God-fearin’ christian MILF.

    I despair. WTF happened to our gene pool?

  4. OtherRob Says:

    Hey, Ron, I something happened to your tables. In the first Newt Gingrich is listed with just 7 votes, but 10% of the total. In the second Rick Santorum has the same totals.

  5. Ron Britton Says:


    Thanks for spotting that. I must have chopped those when I was trying to put it into the HTML table format.

  6. Thomas Says:

    Remember that the fundies/teabaggers are already convinced that they’re going to take control of all levels of government in the next two and a half years. The second poll doesn’t so much indicate who they want as vice president but who they assume will win the 2012 election.

  7. sue blue Says:

    Can you imagine saying “President Huckabee”? I just threw up in my mouth a little.

    He strikes me as the kind of preacher who’d introduce snake-handling into a mega-church. In fact, I think that’s the fundies’ uber-goal: turn America into one big Mountain Dew-drinkin’, Walmart-shoppin’ megachurch.

  8. OtherRob Says:

    Ron, I figured it was either a mistake or that math was just something else the fundies were no good at. 😉

  9. Syldoran Says:

    @Sue: The fundies drink Mountain Dew? I’m sad now.

  10. S. Says:

    they eat snicker’s bars,too.beware.

  11. ericsan Says:

    Reminds me of the cynical opening of John Carpenter’s “Escape From L.A.” where a Pat Robertson-like figure wins elections in a landslide after he predicted a catastrophic earthquake which destroys most of California and L.A. becomes an island. Yeah, I know, it’s “Escape from New York” twenty years later and Snake Plissken has a pot belly, but hey, sometimes Carpenter nails it, just like in “They Live”

  12. Parrotlover77 Says:

    The Escape movies are classic!

  13. sue blue Says:

    Sadly, I know quite a few fundies well enough to be privy to their dietary habits, and yes, there is an inordinate amount of Mountain-Dew quaffing going on in the ranks. One of my nursing colleagues fits the bill – she’s a fundie from Tennessee, and she lives on the stuff. I’m sort of surprised they don’t use it as communion wine. Nothing against a person’s individual tastes – but I used to call the stuff “cat piss”.

    They like tater-tots, too, and use them in all sorts of dishes. I confess, I like the occasional tater-tot.

  14. WCG Says:

    I borrowed your graphic for my own blog, but I think the magazine needs to be redesigned. From what the polls are saying, I think it’s progressives who are the quitters (and unlike Sarah Palin, we’re not getting millions of dollars out of it).

    The GOP was in a complete shambles less than two years ago. They were busy throwing moderates out of the party and trying to avoid blame themselves for losing so badly in 2008. But they didn’t quit (unfortunately for America), and now they’re riding high.

    Democrats, on the other hand, are discouraged by less than two years in power and plan to just… give up. From what I hear, the polls look this bad mostly because Democrats don’t plan to VOTE. So who are the real “quitters” here?

    PS. I suspect that Sarah Palin is just as popular as ever with the fundies. She’s not as high in the straw poll just because they don’t think she can win. They want to nominate someone who’s just as loony, but isn’t already recognized as crazy by most Americans.

  15. Ron Britton Says:


    Everything you said it true, but you didn’t go far enough. Democrats quit in 2007, when they refused to impeach George W Bush for numerous crimes against this country. They quit again in 2009 when they refused to enact almost all progressive legislation.

  16. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Ron – I disagree. I think Democrats (as in, the majority of them) did as best they could given that Republicans filibustered literally everything and also given that a small, but significant, percentage of them are actually “conservative” when it comes to social legislation (I’m looking at you, blue dogs).

    In that scenario, they did not have a majority in 2008. An impeachment would have failed. It would have failed hard. Not only would it have failed, but the conservative media machine would have painted all Democrats as vengeful little meanies, hurting the fee-fees of the ruling class who just wanted to pertekt us frum terrrists.

    Was impeachment the morally correct course of action? Yes. Was it politically feasible, possible, and would the process have gained anything for the country? Unfortunately, NO.

    Same for 2009.

    You wouldn’t know it from all the whining firebaggers, but what we actually got over the last two years is the most progressive legislative agenda passed in the last thirty years of governance. We also got an extension of Afghanistan. This was no secret as Obama was clear about this during his campaign. It sucks, but it’s better than bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb Iran, which was the alternative.

    If you want somebody to blame, blame the Republicans, who 100% voted against literally every progressive (and even moderately conservative) bill over the past four years. Blame the blue dogs for voting against progressive legislative items at least 50% of the time due to made up concerns about non-existent budget problems. Blame Harry Reid for lousy media appearances and doing terrible at selling his side of the story.

    But for fuck’s sake, don’t blame the majority Democrats for being, in actuality, a minority of the entirety of Congress.

    I’m not happy about a lot of the legislative losses and compromises, but if you ever thought it was going to be easy to enact legislation that goes against our corporate overlords, you were kidding yourselves! The only way to fix it is to keep voting in liberals and slowly building up more liberal districts. There is absolutely no other way.

    Not voting and allowing a fired up racist crowd of motorized scooter riding teatards take control is only going to set us back.

    Get out and vote!

  17. Blotto von Bismarck Says:

    On Matt Pence, even the normally uncombative Matt Yglesias describes him as someone who clearly does not know a fucking thing about economics. He apparently doesn’t know shit about evolution, either.

  18. Parrotlover77 Says:

    I heard a clip from Glenn Beck’s radio program about this election. Nothing new there, really, just the usual “the world is ending” shit he peddles to nonthinkers every day.

    What struck me was how after his normal “sosholists are gunna muslim her house” bit, he talked about the importance of voting and how this is only the first of many battles on a very long road (I believe he even mixed metaphors like I just did too).

    The point here is that this is yet another example of how Republicans got their shit together. They may be wrong on everything, but they understand that getting their agenda passed is an extremely long process.

    The neocons started with Reagan for chrissakes. It wasn’t until W that they really started getting everything they wanted. And now I’m worried that 2008-2010 is going to be nothing but a very brief speed bump on a very long road (Ha! Not mixed that time) of slow change into a very conservative state.

    So, damn it, get out and VOTE! Stop the tea baggers from bagging us with their sweaty scooter-riding nut sacks.

  19. S. Says:

    ITA…get out and VOTE!!

  20. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Also, too, the teahadists are really coming out with their true colors. Of course, we always knew they were mostly racist bigoted assholes, but that’s not enough to not get you elected in America. Maybe, just maybe, standing strong against puppies and letting your house burn down because you forgot to pay a fee might be enough?

    This is not hyperbole. They are actually standing strong against healthy puppies and fire protection. They also really really love McHealthPlans. This is absolutely beyond parody.


    INSTAPUTZ has the best tagline for the Tea Party movement evah: Tea Party 2010: Fuck Puppies. Yeah, That’s Right. Fuck ’em.

  21. Pete Moulton Says:

    PL: “Also, too, the teahadists are really coming out with their true colors.”

    That’d be white.

  22. Lindsay Says:

    Peter Moulton, your reply rules!