I Haven’t Been Raptured (Yet)

Since I haven’t posted in over a week, I realized that most of you probably think I’ve been raptured. After all, if the rapture were to actually occur, so few Christians would qualify that we probably wouldn’t notice that it had even happened. I’m guessing that maybe six or eight people out of the entire world’s population will get picked. Why not me? I’m as disqualified as anyone else.

Speaking of people not qualified to be raptured, here’s a YouTube video from some loony. Since I know none of you will be able to watch this thing all the way through, I’ve set it to start at the part about Barack Obama. Did you know that God told the nomadic goat herders who wrote the Bible 3000 years ago that Barack Obama would be elected president of the USA in 2008? It’s true! That’s not all he told us about Obama:

(Found via Picture is Unrelated. In this case, more like brain is disconnected.)

In other news, we’ve entered another one of those silly crunch times at work. Rather than budget the actual amount of time the project will take, management thinks we can do it in half the time! This is the sort of brilliant planning that causes people to burn out and quit. Seems counterproductive if you ask me. Anyway, my time will be very tight for the next six weeks. I’ll try to post at least once a week anyway, although they will probably be shorter posts.

16 Responses to “I Haven’t Been Raptured (Yet)”

  1. Allanimal Says:

    “This video is not available in your country.”


  2. Ron Britton Says:


    For an alleged democracy, Germany is pretty heavy on the censorship.

    In this case, though, it works in your favor.

  3. Jeff Says:

    I couldn’t even make it to the end of that clip.

    Did you look at his YouTube page? He thinks he’s some sort of harbinger or prophet, calls himself the “Third Eagle of the Apocalypse”, and believes he’s been given “a unique gift to understand the end times prophecies of Daniel, Esther, Ezekiel, Revelation etc.”

    Again, I have to see this level of psychosis as neurological. I can’t accept that it’s purely the result of upbringing or life circumstances. Civil rights be damned; we have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, from breeding people like this out of the genome.

    Oh, and he does poetry, too.

  4. Jeff Says:

    Oh, this is priceless! Someone asked him, “Will I be damned if I accept the ID chip so that my family won’t starve?”, and he replied,

    “Yes, because the road to hell is paved with god intentions.”

    You can’t make this shit up.

  5. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Oh, he is absolutely precious.

    I’m not sure which I like best: the hard-cuts between verses that aren’t timed correctly, the ‘Rock #2’ drum pattern on his keyboard, the amazing fun fact that leopards come from the sea, his American Idol winning singing, or how he’s doing all this outside. I should say I feel really bad for the birds singing in the background. I don’t speak that dialect of avian, but I imagine they are saying something like, “hahahahahaha! Humans are crazy, man!”

  6. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Jeff – His poem is even more precious! I just want to bottle up his old timey gentle grandfatherly end times doomsday essence!

    My favorite line is…

    Taro [sic] cards and horoscopes and Ouija boards are stink-o-stink
    but you dummies let the stars decide what you may eat or drink.


  7. Jeff Says:

    Ron said it the other day – it’s frightening to realize that there are actually people out there who are that crazy.

  8. dvsrat Says:

    One of the Youtube videos that I did is banned in Germany only. (Godlesspanther — “Carnival Time”)

    Ron, I don’t think that this guy’s brain is disconnected. I think he never had one to begin with and his skull is filled with gravel.

    I envy Obama, I have been accused of strange things by internet trolls, but nobody has ever accused me of being a leopard that comes from the sea with four heads and four wings. I have no doubt that there is a diagnosable mental disorder here.

  9. RBH Says:

    After all, if the rapture were to actually occur, so few Christians would qualify that we probably wouldn’t notice that it had even happened.

    In actual fact, the Rapture occurred in October 1947. Those taken up were three Montana cowboys in a line shack, a couple of blues guitarists on a back street in Memphis, and a used car salesman who inadvertently repented of his sins at the very last second when he stubbed his toe just as the Last Trump sounded. So it’s all over, kids. Go outside and play now.

  10. S. Says:

    lol right up there with locust plagues 😉

  11. Wade Says:

    There is no defense for this.

  12. sue blue Says:

    While this gentle soul trips out on the magic mushrooms he picked in the woods behind him, he strokes the keyboard that just happens to be out in the field and serenades the birds with hallucinogenic verses. He probably thinks that they are little angels that are singing along with him about Obama’s multiple wings and heads and wars. I can only guess that Gramps has thrown out his meds, escaped from the orderlies, and has managed to get cataclysmically stoned in the meantime. Go Gramps! Keep those laughs coming!

  13. dvsrat Says:

    Yes, someone should do a version of this vid where we see the orderlies creeping up behind him in their white uniforms and big net, then they nab him at the conclusion of his song. Well Gramps, we can’t trust you to take the pills so your meds are IV from now on. You brought this on yourself, you know, this is for your own good.

  14. Draken Says:

    Every moment, I expect a 10t weight being dropped on top of his head, followed by the camera swinging to the left, where John Cleese sits behind a desk: “And now for something completely different”.

  15. ericsan Says:

    If you needed any more proof that there is no god…

  16. Noel Says:

    It is nice background scenery though.