Asshole Jesus

I’ve seen the original versions of these pictures floating around the internet for quite a while now. They’re somehow supposed to be “inspirational”. I find the whole idea that there’s an invisible guy following me around and watching everything I do to be quite creepy. Maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, I found these recaptioned versions over at Boredville. These captions are much more appropriate.

Jesus is an asshole


Jesus is an asshole


Jesus is an asshole


Jesus is an asshole


Jesus is an asshole


Jesus is an asshole


Jesus is an asshole


Update: 7/5/10

I was able to track down the original source for these drawings. They’re done by a fundie named Larry Van Pelt, who lives in Niceville (really!), Florida. You can see all of his original drawings here, although why you’d want to is beyond me.

You can find more of these great recaptioned versions over at Know Your Meme, in the “Jesus is a Jerk” sub-meme of “LOL Jesus”. You really should go over there and check out the others. Some of them are way funnier than the ones I’ve reproduced above.

117 Responses to “Asshole Jesus”

  1. Ron Britton Says:


    I wouldn’t have bothered, but I do so love shredding stupidity. I mean, seriously, nobody was really going to read his comment. It’s too long. I just wanted the exercise.

    And if I do visit Scotland and run into any fundies, I’ll know they aren’t true Scotsmen.

  2. Jeff Says:

    And if I do visit Scotland and run into any fundies, I’ll know they aren’t true Scotsmen.

    HA! Very good!

  3. Karma Says:

    I have read every single comment and relished every word this whole tirade comprises. Thank you. No, really, thank you!

    I consider myself a global citizen having been raised in multiple cultures. I am fortunate enough to speak 6 languages and feel this exposure to so many cultures growing up has broadened my education. I know enough about organized religion (Baha’i, Christianity, Buddhism, Islam…animism…) to know that I run away from it as fast as my legs can carry me. Unfortunately I now live in Colorado where I have tried unsuccessfully to find like-minded people who aren’t shoving their – in this community – christian views down my gullet. I feel quite ostracized and more like a recluse every day…and it is bloody hard at times. I so enjoy passionate open debates on the topic of religion. Thanks again! Loved it…oooh and I could shag that #47 guy!! What was his name again…he he he! J/K.

    Keep it going! I will share this with my friends, albeit few in number! LOL!

  4. Ron Britton Says:


    That’s why we’re here.

  5. sooz gillespie Says:

    um dude why all the debate.. these are witty and yes a bit off color to certain segments of the populace. But come on, they’re CARTOONS for fucks sakes!

  6. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Does attempted murder count?

    Now that’s a story I wouldn’t mind hearing one day.

  7. Ron Britton Says:

    You’ll have to go without the details. There’s a limit to how much I want to publish on the internet. If it happened today, it would be called a hate crime. If I really were gay, it probably would have made local news. If I were gay and it had succeeded, it probably would have made national news.

    People didn’t talk about those things very much in those days. I was vaguely in favor of civil rights for all even before that incident, but this crystalized it. Violent discrimination is not pretty. Nobody should have to go through it.

  8. Max Says:

    Haha, i was considering saying everything you said to ben, ron.

  9. jeff p Says:

    [Deleted by admin for violation of comment policy rule 7.]

  10. Coty Says:

    Was that supposed to mean something? I don’t think spouting bible verses prove anything on morality or idols; this is the same book that says you can beat your slave as much as you want as long as they don’t die from it and that I can sell my daughter in to slavery. You know, biblical family values.

  11. tom Says:

    THAT kind of jesus IS a jerk and offensive to anyone. The cartoons are not funny. Anyone who does not do their homework and at least try to have a sane conversation without the vulgarity with a TRUE Christian will learn. All of the previous comments are only partly true, even the comments by “atheists”. If your understanding of Jesus, the real one, comes from what some knucklehead said, TV, or the movies then you have an incorrect understanding of Jesus. There are to many bad preachers and not enough people with sense. Quoting bible verses to an unbeliever is like reading the bible to a cow. True Christians do NOT believe in almost any of the incorrect above comments.

  12. Sue Blue Says:

    Tom, thou art truly the authority on the “true” beliefs of “true” christians, because thou sayest so. Surely thou hast walked with Jesus as he strode across the waters, calmed the storm, and divided the bread and fishes two millenia ago. Thou didst heareth the words from His own holy lips, unsullied by the hearsay of the various disciples, the gossip of Mary Magdalene (that scurvy whore!), and the misconceptions and forgeries of dozens of translators throughout all the centuries. God’s words spoken by Jesus hath rained down from the heavens onto thine ears only. Pray slake our parched minds with thine own dewy drops of wisdom.

  13. Lindsay Says:

    You know what, even nearly a year later these still make me chuckle. Thanks Tom, for providing your comment to bring attention again to this hilarious blog post!

  14. AthiestHater Says:

    [Deleted by admin for violation of comment policy]

  15. biblical interpretation Says:

    The pictures are funny and the images are spot on for Jesus this is too fun

  16. omer Says:

    shame on everyone of you coz you dont respect for Jesus
    if you dont believe in Jesus then guys dont insult my Jesus
    its a humble request
    May Jesus Bless you and forgive you all

  17. Lindsay Says:

    Omer, why should we respect an imaginary character? You know what…I love the music of Neil Diamond. Lots of people don’t like Neil Diamond, and make fun of him (such as the wonderful SNL faux Behind the Music). I just ignore the haterz. How about you learn to do the same?