Asshole Jesus

I’ve seen the original versions of these pictures floating around the internet for quite a while now. They’re somehow supposed to be “inspirational”. I find the whole idea that there’s an invisible guy following me around and watching everything I do to be quite creepy. Maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, I found these recaptioned versions over at Boredville. These captions are much more appropriate.

Jesus is an asshole

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Jesus is an asshole

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Jesus is an asshole

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Jesus is an asshole

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Jesus is an asshole

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Jesus is an asshole

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Jesus is an asshole

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Update: 7/5/10

I was able to track down the original source for these drawings. They’re done by a fundie named Larry Van Pelt, who lives in Niceville (really!), Florida. You can see all of his original drawings here, although why you’d want to is beyond me.

You can find more of these great recaptioned versions over at Know Your Meme, in the “Jesus is a Jerk” sub-meme of “LOL Jesus”. You really should go over there and check out the others. Some of them are way funnier than the ones I’ve reproduced above.

117 Responses to “Asshole Jesus”

  1. Brian Says:

    My favorite is the last one with the cows. It’s taken me about 20 minutes to stop laughing too hard to post this comment. Brilliant!

  2. Lindsay Says:

    The Delete System 32 Jesus cracked me up. They all do, but that one in particular made me spit water all over my keyboard.

  3. Syldoran Says:

    My favorite of this:

    “LOL bullet stays in.”

  4. Renshia Says:

    1st one, guy is about to drill a hole through his hand, so what would jebus do? Help him?? What an ass.

  5. rutger Says:

    lol only dumb people believe the bible, love thy neighbor but kill them if they are gay or of different religion. i like Jesus but not his book or followers.

  6. rutger Says:

    look up the asshole jesus” quit stealing my heroin jesus” one of these

  7. scooter Says:

    why are these people hangin w. the same hippie? I thought people hated us hippies?

  8. topher Says:

    Very, very funny!

  9. Lisa Says:

    Hah. Just like Haiti. The cartoon has a point.

  10. gordie Says:

    Muhammad, ‘Whats your name little girl?’
    Aisha, ‘Um, Aisha…’
    Aisha, ‘what your name mister?’
    Muhammad, ‘Muhahahaha…..mmad’
    Muhammad, ‘Would you like a candy Aisha?’

  11. Dieter Zakas Says:

    These are offensive.

  12. TheGodGap Says:

    I like the toons. But what is the square root of the cross? (The red images titled “bof-spacer.png”.)

  13. Syldoran Says:

    Everything’s offensive.

  14. Ron Britton Says:

    what is the square root of the cross?

    I’m just using that as a separator to keep things from jamming together. The symbol is explained here.

  15. ginmia Says:

    take care. If u hv uploaded anythin like thid about The prophet u wud hv been fleeced. Tolerance maybe synonymous with Hindus and Christians but doesnt mean that i cud b so damn insensitive.

  16. Ron Britton Says:

    I knew this post would bring out the crazies more than most.

  17. lisa Says:

    ginmia, you are so illiterate I have no idea if you like this post or hate it…

  18. Jeff Eyges Says:

    I knew this post would bring out the crazies more than most.

    What do they do – spend all their time online just Googling “Jesus”?

  19. Roar Says:

    I am partial to:
    “He’s been here all morning, just ignore him until the police arrive.”
    Damn police, never around when you need them.

  20. Bahamut Says:

    What I find funny, is when people say stuff like this is offensive…. but just think, You are the idiot that clicked on something titled “Asshole Jesus” so what does that say about you? I’m pretty sure that the title gives a fairly good insight to the content so if you don’t have a sense of humor then I suggest, don’t click on it. Duh?

  21. Tom Says:

    Great stuff! How can someone who doesn’t exist be offended.

  22. dvsrat Says:

    I like the “Shut the fuck up, Jesus.” The way Jesus is leering at that woman is just too creepy. Is it just me or is he blatantly staring at her tits? The really weird thing is how anyone could find the original illustrations at all inspiring or comforting.

  23. gary Says:

    @rutger – agreed.

  24. burak Says:

    cool dude, viva la evalucion

  25. Jason Says:

    I was under the impression that it was generally a better idea to leave the bullet in immediately after the victim is shot to avoid causing more hemorrhaging, especially in the case that the bullet is blocking an artery… So Jesus isn’t being an asshole there. :|

  26. Stephanie Says:

    @Jason And I was under the impression that you don’t magically appear on an operating table immediately after being shot. Or that the doctor knows what he’s doing and is pretty sure the risk of hemorrhaging has decreased enough to do surgery.

    But maybe that’s just me idk.

  27. samuel seed Says:

    Yeah, fuck Jesus. Love is retarded.

  28. ericsan Says:

    Jesus looks a lot like Andy Gibb.

  29. Nathan Says:

    I do not like images like these that further polarize theists and atheists. If we want religious wars to stop and if we want theists to become secular or at least appreciate secular concepts then sites like these aren’t helping. I’m on the atheist side but believe in respect for both parties involved.

  30. Ron Britton Says:

    Nathan:

    Respect has to be earned. The fundies have no respect for anybody who is not a member of their very narrowly-defined religious fringe. They certainly have no respect for the secular, nor our institutions, such as democracy, or our foundational principles, such as the Constitution.

    When they start showing that, then I’ll take this site down.

  31. funny atheism Says:

    started immature but some great ones towards the end. It’s funny cos it’s Jesus, but it probably applies more to God.

  32. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Sorry, Nathan, but I have no respect for people who think the vast majority of human beings will be tortured for all of eternity and I have no interest in faking it.

    Also, fundies are predators – they perceive gestures of conciliation as signs of weakness. Are you really so naive as to think that if we show them respect, they’ll say, “Hey, these secularists aren’t so bad! Maybe we should stop trying to take over the schools and reconsider same-sex marriage!”?

  33. jmfreeze Says:

    Thanks Nathan… it’s refreshing to hear from a sensible atheist. I’d have a thoughtful conversation with you any day. Ron, just remember, thoughtless mockery never helps people get to truth.

  34. Parrotlover77 Says:

    LOL. Jesus sure is one white mofo when evangelicals get their inspirational cartoons going. Also…is it just me, or have the years been unkind to old King J? He appears to be putting on some weight! Must be all that great food in heaven.

    take care. If u hv uploaded anythin like thid about The prophet u wud hv been fleeced. Tolerance maybe synonymous with Hindus and Christians but doesnt mean that i cud b so damn insensitive.

    This needs to officially be named a correlary of Godwin’s Law. If you make fun of Jesus, it is absolutely inevitable that some theotard will remind you of JUST HOW LUCKY YOU ARE that Christians don’t murder you, like yucky brown Mooslims would do! The atrocious grammar and ‘text message’ spelling and puncuation was just icing on the cake.

    I do not like images like these that further polarize theists and atheists. If we want religious wars to stop and if we want theists to become secular or at least appreciate secular concepts then sites like these aren’t helping. I’m on the atheist side but believe in respect for both parties involved.

    Shorter Nathan: Dear Christians: Please continue beating me so I may defend you more. Sincerely, Nathan.

  35. Brian Says:

    Mockery may not help fundies realize how ignorant they are, but reason doesn’t seem to work, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to passively accept their ruination of science curriculums.

    For the last couple days I’ve entertained myself by wading into the comments at the Creation Museum’s facebook page. I know some astonishingly stupid things have been said by fundies on this blog before, but nothing can hold a candle to what is said there. I did make a few attempts at reasoning with them, but I could only tolerate so much dipshittery, and ultimately had no recourse other than to bust out the scorn and ridicule. Really, I had no choice. I am pround to report they have deleted all of my comments and have banned me from future postings.

  36. Jeff Eyges Says:

    They’re functional children, really. No one is allowed to tell them anything they don’t want to hear.

  37. sue blue Says:

    Surgeon to Jesus: “Damn your dad, hairball – you just fucked up my sterile field! Someone get this idiot hippie outta here!”

  38. Morten Bergfall Says:

    This may be a Norwegian term, but the intent of “gallows humor” is universal…and has proven to be a resilient friend and absolute necessity for enjoyment of life surrounded by what seems to be an increase in people turning to religion….in 2010…..

    But, for humor and reasoning to have that “little” extra, the little extra that lies at the bottom of every secular society….it must be rooted in mutual respect and a genuine want of understanding….bah….sorry, just wanted to say that mrParrotLover77; that was very well written, and gave the necessary “eye-of-the-hurricane-wink” one needs after reading…ehhm….glancing at the same old lines of stale religion….

    It’s evolution, baby!

  39. Flonkbob Says:

    I love ‘em. And who the fuck cares if it offends people who hear voices coming out of snakes, burning bushes, and thin air? I’m done pretending to respect religion, religious ideas, or religious people. I DON’T respect any of the three. I DO disrespect you, your god, your pedophile prophet (ya, mooslims too, eh!) and your stupid ideas.

    If you don’t like people laughing at your beliefs, stop having such silly beliefs!

  40. Parrotlover77 Says:

    For the last couple days I’ve entertained myself by wading into the comments at the Creation Museum’s facebook page. I know some astonishingly stupid things have been said by fundies on this blog before, but nothing can hold a candle to what is said there.

    That would make for a very fun guest post! Ron? Brian?

  41. Ron Britton Says:

    PL:

    I can’t. I’m not on Facebook.

  42. Jeff Eyges Says:

    (Wistfully) I remember when I wasn’t on Facebook…

  43. Brian Says:

    PL,

    While I had a few laughs, I did have to “like” the Creation Museum in the first place in order to comment there, and clicking that button was akin to sitting on a hornet’s nest.

    There seemed to be the same three or four people defending Ken Ham and Jesus, so you can imagine how boring it quickly got. Predictably, each comment I left garnered the exact same response: appeal to a holy book, threats of hellfire, and useless prayers made on my behalf. Oh, and the interminable scripture quotes. Even after I explicitly stated that quoting the bible had zero influence over me, they did it even more.

    After a couple days of this they finally had enough and banned me, deleting all of my comments in the process. Admittedly, I didn’t curse until the last one, when I said, “That God. What a shit!”. That must have done it.

    As a side note, there were a few people from our team besides myself taking shots at the fundies. Someone named Shane was particularly snarky and I enjoyed reading his stuff. Sadly, everyone else defending evolution wrote like fundies, complete with no spell-checking, no punctuation, and a maddening sense of conciliation toward nonsense. I’m glad I’ve got that experience out of my system.

  44. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Brian, I wouldn’t do it again, in any venue. Arguing with them accomplishes nothing; it merely antagonizes you and strengthens their resolve. You simply don’t get anywhere. Ninety-nine percent of them are completely incapable of change (as I often say here, I’m convinced it’s neurological), and the few who are capable of it will get out on their own, when they’re ready.

  45. Parrotlover77 Says:

    I dunno. It can be stressful, but sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes you just need to blow off some steam.

    I think it’s good to puncture little holes in their mutual admiration club. It’s not that any one thing you say will immediately get anybody to open their eyes, but the totality of such experiences over a long period of time might cause change.

    So in that ways, it’s sort of a necessary evil to punch holes in their arguments over and over again and maybe one day they’ll realize they ARE brainwashed. Who knows?

    But in the mean time, blowing off steam is a good thing!

  46. Jo Says:

    To reply to Nathan’s in 29 –
    I am a Christian. I fully believe in open mindedness and respect for everyone. I make it my main goal to speak to everyone on the same level, so I appreciate your plight for peace.
    To Ron in 30 –
    I think you’ve got a lot of passion. What needs to be understood is that Christians are human. Just like atheists and agnostics and people of every belief system, there are “crazies” and “sane ones”. I know I have respect for everyone who puts thought into their belief, no matter what it is, because they care at least. While I’d like for everyone to know my God, the God of second chances who WANTS everyone to have happiness and safety with Him forever, I understand I can’t logic away everyone’s doubts. I can speak for myself and my Christian friends when I saw that what we want to do is love, respect, and show that we REALLY care for everyone and are striving for the most peaceful ways to live. We’re all just learning as we go, like everybody else.

  47. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Jo, there are FAR more crazy Christians than there are humanists. The Texas State Board of Education, to give one example, represents the majority in that state; the secularists have to keep a low profile. I’m given to understand it’s that way across pretty much all of the South and Midwest.

    In addition, there are important differences:

    1. Atheists aren’t trying (despite what your leaders are telling you) to commandeer society and shove their beliefs down everyone else’s throat. They aren’t mandating the teaching of nonsense in the public schools. They don’t insist that capitalism and jingoism have a divine mandate. The most vocal Christians in this country (I’d say the majority; you might disagree, but there are millions of them, in any case) aren’t simply “striving for the most peaceful ways to live”. They have, in fact, made this country the laughing stock of the developed nations.

    2. Atheists don’t think that everyone who disagrees with them is going to hell. This is something that Christians (even fairly moderate ones) simply do not get – salvific exclusivism is the dividing line. You can’t pull a Rodney King – “Can’t we all just get along?” – when you think that billions of your fellow human beings are going to be tortured forever and ever – and that they deserve to be. Further, the two most influential strains of thought within the evangelical subculture are Calvinism and Domionism. The latter mandates a Christian takeover, first of America, then the world. The former teaches that God has created the vast majority of human beings for the sole purpose of watching them suffer for all of eternity, while the handful that constitute the “elect” get to hang out on a mezzanine in heaven, watching alongside him, pointing and giggling like school children. There are literally millions who believe this – indeed, who anticipate it eagerly. They can’t wait for it all to come about.

    So, I’m sorry, Jo, but you don’t get to claim moral equivalency. You certainly don’t get to claim the high ground.

  48. Ron Britton Says:

    Jo:

    What needs to be understood is that Christians are human.

    Actually, I’m still collecting data on that question.

    Just like atheists and agnostics and people of every belief system, there are “crazies” and “sane ones”.

    Congratulations. You have discovered one of the foundational principles of this blog. It focusses on the crazies. I only occasionally take jabs at religion in general. This post, for example, is more general. However, what it’s really doing is just pointing out that one of the common behaviors of Christians in general—that of making “inspirational” drawings showing that Jesus is always with you—is a little silly if you think about it. There’s nothing wrong with poking gentle fun at any aspect of modern culture. Mainline Christians might be irked at these pictures and prefer that they never would have been made or published. Therefore, I’m guilty of annoyance. Sorry. That’s my right.

    There is a subset of Christians who are absolutely apoplectic over what are, if you think about it, pretty benign cartoons. Now who might these people be who have a rabid overreaction to anything that even hints at disrespecting their prophet? There seems to be a lot of that going around in another religion, too. Those are the people who need to learn how to get along with other people and live peacefully in society. It’s not my fault that a tiny subset of the population can’t cope with the world they live in and have to respond with violent emotions.

    I know I have respect for everyone who puts thought into their belief, no matter what it is

    Seriously?

    Everybody hates Phelps

    Some beliefs do not deserve respect. I do not respect anybody who wishes harm upon others or whose main objective in life is to hate.

    I can speak for myself and my Christian friends when I saw that what we want to do is love, respect, and show that we REALLY care for everyone and are striving for the most peaceful ways to live.

    Then you have nothing to fear from this website.

  49. sue blue Says:

    “I can speak for myself and my Chritian friends when I saw (sic) that what we want to do is love, respect, and show that we REALLY care for everyone and are striving for the most peaceful ways to live.”

    Now, why do I automatically see the codicil “as long as ‘everyone’ believes exactly as we do” after statements like this? Could it be because every example of Christian “loving-kindness” is always accompanied by some kind of bribe or not-so-subtle attempt to coerce adherence to dogma? As in: “Yes, we’ll feed you starving (insert Third-world nation name here)folks – if you get baptized as we build this here church in the middle of your village.” Or “We’re here to help you Haitians in your hour of need – here’s a Bible.” Or how about the woman I personally know of who appealed to her church for help in leaving an abusive relationship, only to be told she’d have to attend pastoral counseling sessions to save her marriage in order to receive any help? Selfless love and respect, my ass – and lets not even get into the lame excuse of prayer as an alternative to useful effort, as in “pray the lord plugs that oil leak”.

  50. Doc Weiler Says:

    That Jesus totally looks like Jeff Bridges.

  51. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Jo, there are FAR more crazy Christians than there are humanists.

    Just wanted to add that I personally think that happens to any large group in the majority. It’s easy to let crazy thoughts fester and mature and become mainstream when you have a large support group. So if humanists were the majority, I could easily see a very large crazy population of humanists. It would probably resemble something closer to the anti-vax and colon cleanse type of people than fundies, though. Just hypothesizing.

    Atheists don’t think that everyone who disagrees with them is going to hell.

    And that is, quite possibly, the biggest difference. I don’t have any numbers, but I can say that all the Christians I am related to and friendly with don’t relish the idea of a hell, as some do (as Jeff points out), but they are genuinely concerned and wrestle with the fact that their “loving” god would mandate this. It’s an odd mental balance and seems to highly resemble Stockholm Syndrome.

  52. Jeff Says:

    It’s an odd mental balance and seems to highly resemble Stockholm Syndrome.

    Yes! I’ve said the same, myself.

  53. Updog Says:

    Humorous pictures quickly turn into self-righteous atheists bashing the religious and turning up their noses at them? Why am I not surprised?

    Atheists are functionally retarded man-children.

    As an agnostic, I just have to shake my head at the continued immaturity of Dawkins-spawn everywhere.

  54. Parrotlover77 Says:

    I take “immaturity” as a compliment, thanks much. Go pull the stick out of your butt and enjoy life.

    Uncle Tom Agnostics really piss me the fuck off. Almost as much as scientists piss off the Insane Clown Possee for lying all the time to them.

  55. Brian Says:

    I think fence-sitters like Updog annoy me just as much, if not more, than fundies. At least fundies are staking out a position, no matter how ludicrous it is. Perhaps he thinks that we can all just get along, and let the masses revel serenely in their delusion. Really, I’m OK with a grown adult believing any stupid shit they want. What Updog conveniently ignores, however, is that the fundies want our children brainwashed with their particular brand of inanity, and that I cannot abide.

    Someone has to defend reason in a world overrun with people who want it ruled by priests and imams, and people like Updog willingly turn a blind eye to their theocratic demands. Atheists may get snarky, even pissy, from time to time, but that’s an unavoidable reaction to such rampant ignorance. Deal with it.

  56. Bianca Says:

    Ron Britton Says:
    June 27th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
    Nathan:

    Respect has to be earned. The fundies have no respect for anybody who is not a member of their very narrowly-defined religious fringe. They certainly have no respect for the secular, nor our institutions, such as democracy, or our foundational principles, such as the Constitution.

    When they start showing that, then I’ll take this site down.

    I’m a little late on this, I found this site with StumbleUpon. I almost never do this, but I felt like I should make an exception.

    All I will say is their is not an ounce of fact in this statement.

  57. Ron Britton Says:

    Which statement?

  58. Parrotlover77 Says:

    There is not an ounce of fact in the statement “Ron Britton Says.” Deal with it suckaz!

    It seems StumbleUpon always brings out the apologists. Interesting.

  59. Ron Britton Says:

    StumbleUpon mostly brings out the RiffRaff.

    We’ll never see Bianca again, so I have no way of knowing what she’s talking about. Perhaps she objects to “Respect has to be earned”? That’s an opinion, so of course it isn’t a “fact”.

    Maybe she finds this offensive: “When they start showing that, then I’ll take this site down.” So she knows my intentions? Or maybe she can see into the future and knows that on August 15, 2013 at 7:19 in the morning (Guam Daylight Time), all fundies everywhere start respecting the Constitution, but I leave the site up?

    That’s it! Bianca is omniscient. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve just been visited by God!

  60. Jeff Says:

    Don’t be silly. The world will end on Dec 21, 2012.

  61. Ron Britton Says:

    Jeff:

    You dare to contradict God?! Bianca will throw you into the lake of fire!

  62. Parrotlover77 Says:

    On a slightly related note, I saw on The Soup a clip of a recent episode of Wife Swap (that show is still on?) where a relatively normal family swaps their wife/mom for a lady who is increidbly mentally ill… for the lulz, of course, I guess?

    She was absolutely 100% convinced of the end of the world in 2012 and taught her own kids survival skills for the imnpending apocalypse instead of like Kindergarten. She knows it’s all true because she found a website that says it has “scientific facts” and so on. The best part was that she couldn’t actually pronounce the word “apocalypse.”

    SIGH: Some day the first CAPTCHA that is presented to me will actually work instead of say “Invalid CAPTCHA.”

  63. Dan Shields Says:

    I didn’t read the comments, but these are funny images, I don’t care *what* you believe. If Jesus were alive, he’d probably enjoy them too.

  64. ceph Says:

    i actually call BS to bianca’s statement. that not how fundies operate.

    The thing with theonuts is that they do not give a flying beep about earthly systems, because they sincerely believe they’re heading to place far superiour to our current .. “plane of existence”. thats why known and proven IDiot’slike.. say.. Kent Hovind can openly ignore taxes and so on.

    nothing to do with respect, because even if you change your public views to favor them more, normal everyday-christian will most likely continue to think you’re still a moron because you’re not with them, no matter even if you really do have a proven point with all the facts. they’re the most stubborn example of Us vs Them mentality.

  65. Jeanette Says:

    Loved the toon’s, but loved reading the comments even more. LOL Thanks for putting a smile on my dial.
    Looking forward to meeting you all in hell. Party at my place. I’ve rented a condo with great views overlooking the lake of fire. BYO

  66. EatTheRich Says:

    All theists should be shot. Faith is a virus of the mind. Once contracted, it takes over the host forcing them to believe faith is superior to reason, destroys the host and then attempts to replicate itself. We should cull them and call it the rapture. It’s good for them and it’s good for us normal people.

  67. Jeff Says:

    There you go. Ron, PL – remember this the next time I say they should be simply be bred out of the genome.

  68. eric Says:

    probably shouldnt say that so-and-so from wherever posted something like this with all of jesus’ crazy fanclub out there. Kudos to him tho

  69. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Oh, internet trolls, I love you! Without you my day would be so boring! Thank you for hiding behind your screen and pretending to be “one of us” while posting something completely vile and disgusting to make us look crazier than we are. Trolls… You complete me.

  70. J.R. "Bob" Dobbs Says:

    I love how its almost impossible to tell a Poe from a real fundie, but it’s always obvious when a troll is pretending to be an atheist…

  71. Brian Says:

    If you want to have fun (or just want your faith in humanity eroded further) go to a fundie blog and pretend to be one of them. Make up the craziest, most ridiculous shit you can think of, throw in a few randomly-selected bible quotes, and sit back and be amazed at how many of them will agree with you. Am I a bad person for doing this? Perhaps. Do I feel bad about it? Not at all.

  72. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Brian – That does make me wonder… Are the ones most impressed with your crazy just other trolls trolling the forum?

    Don’t get me wrong, I believe in Poe. Lunatic fundies are easily found and show up in the nightly news often enough to know people that crazy are out there.

    But still, you have to wonder when you jump on the forums how many are the authentic melt-in-your-mouth racist sexist bigot antihuman antiplanet vile disgusting genuine article, and how many are other trolls doing it for the Lulz…

  73. akiwiinusa Says:

    Funny as Hell (turn of phrase only).

  74. chris Says:

    The best part of this whole deal is that I live less than an hour from Niceville.

  75. beefsalot Says:

    this is fantastic. more please?
    the arguing is funny too. keep it up!

  76. AgnosticErika Says:

    I would buy a “Shut the fuck up, Jesus” w/ the bank teller t-shirt and wear it ALL the time. Awesome site man,
    having fun looking around!

  77. Lindsay Says:

    Many months later, these still make me laugh.

  78. Michael Wong Says:

    These are brilliant. It reminds me of the classic exchange:

    “Jesus sees you when you’re masturbating.”

    “What? Why the fuck is Jesus watching me masturbate? Who does that?”

  79. meditationguru Says:

    lol…this is cute, i luv all pics, i share everywhere,,, hahaha

  80. NavemadaMan Says:

    So I was using stumbleupon and I happened to stumble upon this beautiful artwork. I find this to be one of the funniest things I have seen in quite a while. I mean, I was pissing in my pants laughing while reading these pictures, probably because I have always thought of a guy following you around as a bit creepy. But all of that aside, I am 100% an atheist. My religion is that of science and reason and my bible is Charles Darwin’s “Origin of Species”. But I cannot agree with what all you other atheists are saying. I am an atheist because I try to look at things in life through all different perspectives and be as objective as I possibly can about all different ways of life. But I want to ask all of the other atheists, bashing religion and such, a question. How is atheism different from religion? As much as you guys and I would hate to admit it, there has to be a certain amount of faith in atheism too, for in every belief system there are holes where we just cannot explain. And all of you also talk about how narrow-minded the “fundies” are, but the thing is that we are the crazy ones to the theists, that aren’t doing what’s right. You all truly believe that what you have invested yourselves in, science and there being no god, but just like in religion we cannot prove nor disprove either way of life to be the right one. Do not disrespect other religion because then you end up doing the very thing that you say is so bad about the fundies, you say that your way of life is the right path and those who do not follow are wrong. In the total truth of it all, we all think what we live by is the right way, if not we wouldn’t live by it, and for that reason, unfortunately there will never be peace in this world. We believe in evolution, they believe in a higher power creating all life. Either way as of now neither can be proven or dispoven, and both sides are sure that they believe in the right thing. All I’m saying is that you atheists are complaining about fundies doing exactly the same things you are doing. Try to realize it and try to remedy you hypocrisies. We are all humans and as a species we are all limited by the constraints of a being a human. Just learn to live and let live and you can hope that others will join you, probably not, but you can still choose to live your life with as much objectivity and understanding as you possibly can.

  81. Brian Says:

    How is atheism different from religion?

    Another “faitheist”. OK, if you’re really open to other philosophical viewpoints, then perhaps this will make sense to you. Atheism does not rely on scriptural or clerical authority to support its central thesis – that there is no reason to believe in any kind of deity. Until someone offers up iron-clad evidence to the contrary, I see no reason to go through life assuming my every move and thought is monitored by a god. That’s not to say I can’t or won’t amend my position if sufficient reason becomes clear. I’m just not holding my breath for it.

    This is a critical distinction. Whereas I (and just about every other atheist) can recognize a new reality and accept it, religious people cannot. I can specifically cite the exact conditions under which I would accept the existence of a god, but a believer will never list the conditions under which their beliefs would be subject to revision or rejection. For me, it would take, literally, a miracle. Something that is unambiguous, that is witnessed by everyone, and can only be explained by the actions of a supernatural entity would take me a long way toward abandoning my atheism. Atheism, in other words, is falsifiable. God could choose to exert his omnipotence at any moment and settle this question once and for all, making Dawkins, Harris, and the rest of us godless lot look pretty foolish. Religion, on the other hand, always has an excuse. When reason repeatedly shows that the claims of any particular faith don’t hold up, we’re inevitably told that we just need to have faith, and that evidence doesn’t matter.

    You label atheism a “belief system”, but that’s just semantics. I don’t “believe” in evolution. I accept it because I’ve bothered to learn something about it, and have discovered that the evidence it presents in its defense is overwhelming. Belief implies an acceptance of something with no good reason. You also mention that every belief system has “holes” in its knowledge about the universe. For science, this is an opportunity to learn something new by acknowledging our ignorance. For religion, this is where God is trotted out with great fanfare. “Ooooh, here’s a mystery! Looks like God’s been at it again!”

    Finally, you seem to disapprove of people like me or this blog being mean to religion. Again, I am hoping you are an open-minded person so this will make sense to you: I do not hate people because they happen to believe in things I reject. Every grown adult is responsible for the contents of his or her mind, and that intellectual freedom is inviolable. I would defend to the death any adult’s right to believe whatever nonsense they choose, as long as my right to be free of religious superstition is also recognized and respected. I do, however, draw the line at the religious indoctrination of children, which is nothing more than child abuse, as far as I’m concerned. I also will fight ferociously against purely religious ideas being promulgated in classrooms or through legislation, because this is a secular country with a secular constitution. I don’t expect a candidate for political office to be an atheist (like that’ll ever happen) but I do expect them to remember that millions of people in this country don’t share in their fantastical delusion and would appreciate it if they upheld the Constitution. I am guaranteed the right to express my opinions about religion, and I have no obligation to show respect for a worldview that clearly does not respect my intelligence. For far too long religion has enjoyed a completely unwarranted deference from society, even when it is the prime motivation behind the worst atrocities we are capable of. Can an atheist be a bad person? Of course. Does atheism have a tendency to make people behave badly? No. Just look at the demographics of our prison population. Yet, we are made out to be immoral narcissists who only care for ourselves and our personal gain. I don’t know about you, but as an atheist this pisses me off, and I don’t care if I hurt a few feelings contradicting this fallacy.

    You are futilely expecting a happy coexistence between mutually exclusive outlooks. Just remember that the gracious accommodation you are willing to extend to believers will not be reciprocated by the vast majority of believers out there who view your atheism as an affront to their angry, vengeful deity and a slap in baby Jesus’s face. They are perfectly happy to infringe upon your personal freedoms if it means advancing their theocratic agenda. Just because there can be two sides to an argument does not mean both are equally valid. Stop equivocating and start defending that which you claim not to accept.

  82. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Dear Pretend-Atheist Concern Troll NavemadaMan:

    Be honest about who you are or GTFO. I will always happily engage anybody from any set of beliefs in an honest philosophical, scientific, or religious discussion.

    I will not tolerate somebody pretending to be a strawman of what they believe the other side is like in order to slander that side.

  83. NavemadaMan Says:

    You know Parrotlover77, your response made me think. I thought about why it was that my views differed the great majority of all other atheists. So I did a bit of research to see if I even fit into the category of atheism, and I found that by the normal standards of what one can consider an atheist to be I do not fit. Now I am no troll parrotlover77 and therefore I refuse to get the fuck out, I have better things to do than to intentionally pose as someone of a certain “side” and write what I believe they would say. Although I did find out what fit into, strong agnosticism. And I know how much you all LOVE the agnostics, especially you Brian. My views go even deeper than whether one believes in the existence or presence of a deity or not. You seem like intelligent beings and I would imagine that you would always be in the pursuit of new knowledge and if you really want to stimulate your brain then look up: “Kensho The Death Delusion”. Now it’s a bit lengthy but if you read it with an open mind then you might find it to be quite interesting and you may gain some insight into what strong agnosticism is. If you do happen to read the article, tell me what you think of it.

  84. Parrotlover77 Says:

    My troll spidey sense is still tingling, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt for now. I visited your link and skimmed through it. It’s really just a bunch of psychobabble, technobabble, and philosobabble. There’s nothing measurable, objective, or provable. It’s just a (very) long stream of consciousness from some dude with too much time on his hands.

    I like the Matrix triology a lot — I really do. It’s one of my favorite movie trilogies (yes, I even liked Revolutions). But anytime somebody includes 20 some-odd quotes from Morpheus to prove a philosophical point, they’ve lost me.

    Then we get to this gem…

    To illustrate my point I ask you to look briefly at the number Pi. Pi is an infinite stream of chaotically generated numbers. It has been suggested that within these numbers would be the atomic positions of every atom in your body since the day you were born. Every thought you’ve ever had is contained, somewhere, within Pi. Indeed, so is every other possible experience you might have had.

    What the fuck???

    I recently found the Declaration of Independence stored in the atomic positions of a dozen cookies I baked last year. But what really surprised me was when I found George Washington’s flacid penis stored as information in my corn flakes!

  85. Brian Says:

    And I know how much you all LOVE the agnostics, especially you Brian.

    Huh? I’ve re-read what I posted and can find no mention of agnostics in my comment. Still, despite my not having explicitly stated it, you aren’t too far off the mark about my opinion towards agnostics. I’m not bothered by them like I am dominionist fundies, but…come on. Agnosticism? Really? Again, I reiterate my support for your right to adopt whatever worldview you choose, but in my humble opinion I think you’re just being intellectually lazy.

    This is where we will apparently have to agree to disagree, but as far as a deity is concerned, I’ve never held much regard for the “we can never really know” position. Actually, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to draw some fairly firm conclusions about a god’s existence, or rather, its lack of existence. True, science will never disprove that a god exists, but then again, it’ll also never conclusively show that the Flying Spaghetti Monster (sauce be upon him) doesn’t touch people with his noodly appendage. You can substitute any absurd example that you can think of, and it will still be as equally immune from refutation as god. I just don’t think it makes any sense to take this realization and claim that we either throw up our hands in frustration and resign ourselves to never knowing, or seize on this “mystery” as evidence that a god exists. Both assumptions are unwarranted, and defy reason. It is not, however, unreasonable to accept that something doesn’t exist if it is unobservable, is not needed to explain any observed facet of the universe, and is logically inconsistent. You can keep sitting on the fence if you want, but my money is with Richard Dawkins.

    Believers have the easiest go of it, because all it takes is just one miracle (beyond Mary-shaped piss stains on underpasses and grilled cheese Jesus sightings) to prove that they’ve been right all along. One miracle. Just one goddamned miracle. That’s all I’m asking for. Until god decides to get off his celestial ass and do something, I’m forced to conclude he very probably is a figment of most everyone else’s imagination. I’m comfortable with that.

  86. Lindsay Says:

    How exactly does science require faith? The Scientific Process requires testing of every theory to prove if it works in the real world or not. It does not stop there…theories can change and be amended over time. Sometimes a theory may be proven altogether wrong at a later time when other evidence or observations comes to light.

    Faith in __X__ religion is just that. There is not a process to prove if there was a Garden of Eden, a crucifixion of Christ, etc. Fundies just take the Bible at its word and do not test any of the stories. I can’t take anyone seriously who believes at the bottom of their heart there was a talking snake, a boat full of a pair of every animal on the planet, guys hanging out for a while in the belly of a whale, etc. Honestly, if you can’t understand a damn metaphor we’re just not on the same intellectual level here and I’m not going to waste my time with you. I suppose why I get frustrated/angry with the serious religious types is I feel it is a type of intellectual laziness…especially in this day and age with so much information at your fingertips. But I get even angrier when certain fundies want to take their intellectual laziness a step further and try to indoctrinate school children with their outdated mysticism. It’s not good for this country, and if it is allowed to continue the US of A as we know it is fucked.

    Btw…saw the comedian Billy Connolly last night in Chicago. If you’re in Chicago or are going to be in town over the next week try to get tickets to one of his shows. He’s hilarious and has some choice words for fundies.

  87. dvsrat Says:

    NavemadaMan, Oh my, what have we here? “Strong agnosticism,” and there is a “lengthy article” that one must read, and in order to understand it one must have “an open mind.” Well then, if there is one thing that I have learned over the years that is, “read it with an open mind” means the same thing as “it’s a crock of shit.”

  88. Lee Says:

    If a fag dies, causing god to laugh, but nobody is around to hear him, DOES HE EXIST?

    lolololol

  89. Bono Says:

    All hillarious. Jesus is a cock sucking, fake ass fuck hole.

  90. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Believers have the easiest go of it, because all it takes is just one miracle … to prove that they’ve been right all along. One miracle. Just one goddamned miracle.

    Not to be too much of a devil’s advocate here, but it would take more than just one. For if it only required one miracle, who’s to say one of the accounts in the bible is not said miracle? There is no evidence to survive to this day, only oral and written tradition. The same would be true two thousand years from now. Even if we caught it on camera, two thousand years from now, it would be pretty easy to wonder if those works were just doctored.

    So, I would say one miracle per (and I’m just spitballing here) one hundred years. That’s still not asking for much, but for perpetual proof of God’s existence, it would have to be recurring. Humans just don’t trust eyewitness accounts of ancestors enough otherwise. ;-)

  91. ben Says:

    I am not a religious person but would like to make a point clear to you religious people.

    Atheism is a religion and your opinionated belief system is no different than any other that exists. You believe and have faith in nothing. So you have faith like the other religions do. You fools just can’t admitt it.

    You have no more clue about what is going on, then they do. Yes, men wrote their bibles and manuscripts but men also wrote all of the garbage you think is truth. How would they know anymore than the ones who wrote the bible or spiritual books in the past?

    Men were the same as we are now during the time those books were written. The only difference is our technology is more advanced than theirs and man’s ideas don’t get them punished or killed for expressing them in our era. So count yourself lucky that you have a forum to spout untruths and hateful words at people.

    You can give me the, “but they were primitive back then” speech all you want. You and they are the same. You believe the nonsense men wrote, as though it were gospel like the fools you pick on and demean; for what ever selfish and stupid reasons you have.

    Honestly, anyone of us could write a bible. It isn’t hard and anyone of us could write down philosophies for others to go by. L. Ron Hubbard did just that and look at how many fell for his bullshit, 14 million sheeple looking for answers. This is the same as you listening or reading Richard Dawkins.

    You are as willfully ignorant and sheepish as they are. You are followers following. Be a leader and create your own ideas of how things are. Don’t rely on other men to tell you.

    I wonder if any of you have ever even read a bible, the Torah, the Koran, the cabala, ETC.? I have read “all religious books” in comparison and there is a lot of wonderful imagery and beauty in those pages.

    Don’t bash things until you know for certain what it is, that you are bashing. Most or all of you just follow the crowd like all good little sheeple do. You listen to those you deem more superior in knowledge than yours. My only question about that is, why? You have your own mind, use the fucking thing.

    You don’t have a clue as to what it takes for these people to live their lives as they do. It is a lot harder than you think. The things that they have to give up in their lives daily would make you hate the world, and they don’t.

    Try abstaining from sex until marriage, not drinking alcohol, no drugs, you have to change the way you think and feel, you have to give up the world and everything that is considered sinful, you have to love everyone and want the same for everyone no matter how bad they treat you, you have to bring others to your faith even if it goes against your personal principals, and the list goes on and on.
    I don’t see any of you doing that and I doubt that you could. So who is stronger in this respect?

    They do not make their women suffer and they do not treat them badly. They do not murder people or want to harm anyone that is homosexual. The ones that do are not really Christians. They are just hateful biggoted morons acting and posing in the name of a Christain God.

    Their are people in your Atheist faith that do the same things and in some cases, they do it more so than Christians.

    I would like to know how many times a person or persons of another religion have killed one of your family members or have jumped onto you or asked you to go to church or turn your life over to God in person?

    I haven’t had anyone to be killed for not believing in God by a Christian. I have been approached by them and they always seem kind and open minded to what I had say. I was never persecuted for how I believe. No one grabbed me and tried to put God in my head or force their religion down my throat.

    You try to force your beliefs down their throats. You do this to anyone that has hope or spirituality, as though you are entirely right to do so and you are not.

    Who are you people to tell others what is right or to say that they are wrong? Where do you get off thinking, that what is right for you is right for everyone else?

    The Christians you think of that are on t.v. are not really Christains. They pretend to be something they are not to keep from looking bad in front of the real followers that do right by others and tolerate everyone. They are mostly greedy men that only care about themselves.

    I wonder how many of you have attacked a religious or spiritual person out of blind ignorance, due to your own faith based, made up belief system?

    You fools make me laugh with all of your, “We’re better than they are and they’re stupid for believing in a God!” Turn that question back on yourself and you have how they feel about you.

    You sound like a bunch of old biddies bickering about the weather. You can’t change the weather and you can’t change people’s minds.

    Mind your own business and they will mind theirs. What you say just fuels these peoples stupidity and entail that fuels your stupidity.

    No one knows what happens in the end and no one has came back or is coming back from the dead to tell us. No one knows what happened in the beginning and can only speculate as to why the universe is.

    In closing I would like to add, STFU and keep your thoughtless bigoted humor to yourselves. I could make fun of atheist and Christian’s all day. I don’t because I am better than that and you all are obviously worthless pieces of intolerant shit. You have to be tolerant of others in order for others to be tolerant of you. It starts with how you approach life and other people.

  92. Ron Britton Says:

    I’m amazed at the power I have over people like Ben. It probably took him at least 30 minutes to write that diatribe. My mere existence is more than he can stand. All I have to do is put up a page on a web site, and he contorts and twists and froths and goes apoplectic with rage and intolerance.

    Power! I haz it!

  93. Lindsay Says:

    I can’t take anyone too seriously who still believes in fairy tales against all evidence that it’s not true. I don’t think Ron has ever shoved his beliefs down anyone’s throats…you didn’t have to come to this website or read any of the posts. He’s not a Republican congressman who tried to prevent the repeal of DADT although most servicemen were not bothered with homosexuals serving in the military. He’s not handing out Gideon bibles outside of public schools or knocking on your door at 8 am on a Saturday wanting to give you a Watchtower. He has a freakin’ blog, and you got bent out of shape over that?

    Well, if the Christians on TV or the Christians who are big meanies aren’t real Christians, then why don’t the rest of the “nice Christians” make them STFU because they are certainly not very good representatives of their chosen belief system.

    P.S. Actually, my husband had an aunt and uncle killed in Northern Ireland…it was a mixed marriage (which in the British Isles means Catholic/ Protestant). Try telling him that Christians are nice people with open minds when you see the school his mum went to in Glasgow surrounded by a razor wire fence to keep the Proddies from harassing the Catholic kids. Lucky you for meeting all the nice Christians, but that isn’t a lot of people’s experience.

  94. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Atheism is a religion…

    Fail

  95. sue blue Says:

    Ben – project much? Guess you haven’t heard the old, old, old saying that atheism is a faith like bald is a hair color. Of course I can’t speak for all atheists, but many became atheists not because they are hedonists who only want to rebel, but because they have seen the religious lifestyle from the inside, intimately, having been raised in religious families. But, unlike the majority of so-called christians, rather than take what their parents or their pastor/priest/rabbi/minister/mullah says at face value, many atheists have taken the trouble to read the “holy” books such as the bible and learn about the world around them instead of merely interpreting it through the filter of religion. Atheists come from all walks of life, and share only a few things in common – a brain, the ability to use it, and a desire to learn. Atheists want evidence for propositions, stances, and beliefs. Atheists tend to be progressive, because we are not content to sit in the darkness and think that blindness is the way to be. Most welcome the light of science, a light that has saved the lives of uncounted millions and is our only real hope for survival as a species. We are appalled at the ignorance, willful or otherwise, that pervades society due to the influence of religion.

    So, Ben, when was the last time a Christian was fed to lions, burned, shot, stoned, jailed or otherwise openly persecuted for their beliefs? Many atheists have in fact been directly harmed in some way by religion. Most of us have had christianity shoved in our faces and down our throats. Our tax dollars are being used to put Nativity displays in courthouses and fund faith-based schools and charities. We have fought court battles to keep fundamentalist religion out of our public schools. Our children’s education has been degraded compared to the rest of the world because our teachers are harassed into glossing over scientific subjects such as evolution, geology, paleontology, and astronomy that directly refute the biblical story of creation. In the South, American history is being rewritten to suit conservative christian idealism, which asserts that America is a “christian” nation, despite abundant written evidence to the contrary. Women are told they must submit to men, and their right to control their own body and sexuality is constantly under assault. Openly admitting to atheism is likely to cost a person his or her job in many parts of the country, or prevent them from being hired in the first place. Our last President even went so far as to say he didn’t think that atheists should be allowed to live. So yes, we mock the attitudes, beliefs, and trappings of religion. Websites such as this are our forum. We aren’t publishing cartoons such as those above and putting them in your mailbox, passing them to your kids at school, broadcasting them on TV or radio, or standing outside your church and handing out atheist literature (all things christians do constantly). So if your feelings are hurt by this website, too bad. If you don’t like being reminded of the fact that atheists exists, tough. Go cry about it over at World Nut Daily or Red (neck) State. Go pray for God to strike us down with a bolt of lightning or whatever floats your boat. We’ll keep on laughing at you over here.

  96. Ben Says:

    I don’t believe in a God or God’s or spirits and fairies and I was far from angry. lol

    I can see your bigotry and intolerance is shining through. When you get directly attacked or brought down to the level of the other morons, “you” get angry. It doesn’t feel good, does it? Imagine how they feel.

    What you should do in the case of intolerance: Walk away or do the opposite. You do neither. You get mad and call names and point fingers the same as they do. I thought you were more open minded and more tolerant than that?

    I never really let it get to me. I just tell people like it is.

    Plus your lack of understanding and your judgmental nature proves how intolerant you actually are. Just like you said about all atheists are not the same? The same can be said for the opposition.

    I only said “Christians I have met” I never said all Christians. And where was I projecting? I love all people no matter what they believe in. I can tolerate anyone or anything. Can you say the same? I don’t think you can. You have no feeling or care about other people because they don’t feel as you do and it shows.

    How would you feel if every time you turned around, someone was telling you that “you are stupid for how you believe”? How would you feel if your were alienated constantly because of your beliefs? I have been in that predicament and I don’t want to put another human being in the same boat, that I have been in.

    I have felt like shit because of it. I grew up in a small town where people believe strongly in God and I have been beaten for how I believe, when I expressed it. But I have learned to get along with people and to respect their world view and their beliefs…because of the intolerance I was subjected too. Oh and by the way. I am bisexual. Laugh at that.

    So I only have that to base my opinion on. I haven’t met very many Christians but the good ones I have met seemed no more different than you or I. The ones that hurt me were not of God because Christ’s philosophy is love and tolerance. Most of those heathens have never even read the bible and have based all of their ideas on what other men have told them.
    Much like yourselves.

    I find that funny because, I have actually read a great deal of religious material… And I know way more about it than they do. Most Christians, Jews etc. don’t even believe in God. They do it for the social aspects of their religion. Just like most atheist feels as they do because it is trendy and because they care about what people think about them.

    And those that oppose the greedy fuckers that call themselves christian, cannot stand against a majority much larger than themselves. And they wouldn’t. If you have read their bible you would remember that they practice, “turning the other cheek.” They mostly do this amongst themselves.

    BTW they don’t believe that god is a bearded man that sits on a throne and blah blah blah. It is actually more complex than that. It is far fetched but extremely complex. It is very interesting to talk to someone that believes as they do. I didn’t laugh, I found it intriguing.

    During my time in college studying for a minor in comparative religion, I learned a lot.

    Frankly, I am one of you. I couldn’t give a fuck if you don’t believe or if they believe. It is all relative. We believe in nothing, they believe that the nothing has a conscious and can guide them in their lives.

    The native Americans believed that all things contain an essence that is part of the world. Many other cultures feel the same way.

    We may not share that idea but in all actuality that is exactly where we came from. The earth gave us life. So therefore, the earth is our mother and we contain earths essence. That is coming from a strictly evolutionary stand point.

    Keep laughing assholes. I don’t like labeling myself as an atheist. As a matter of fact, calling yourselves atheist is arrogant as fuck! You or I have no clue as to what happened in the beginning or what will happen in the end and science doesn’t either. We can only speculate. We have no right to tell other people that they are wrong when we might be just as wrong as they are.

    You like that label because you are following a trend or you want to be a part of something bigger than yourself. The same can be said for every other religious fanatic in the world. I am fine being who I am without a title or a label.

    Existence is an illusion and you my friend are a part of it, as much as I am. We are basically holographic images living in a holographic universe. Nothing is real and there is no reality. It is dream and when we die it over.

    I have written a compelling treatise of Theological Physics if you would like to read it. I don’t think you could grasp the subject matter but I would be willing to let you grow your brain a little.

    MY “diatribe” as you call it, was went to keep things balanced, because you all unfairly jump and condemn anyone that is opposed to your belief system and world view. They are not smart enough to defend themselves and you take advantage of that fact. I on the other hand am not willfully ignorant like the morons you have dealt with. I have read several comments here and that is where I took my stance. I could give a fuck about some cartoons. It is more than that.

    How in the hell are we supposed to end suffering and war if we are adding to it, by blatantly calling people out on their beliefs? You blog this stuff to get a rise out of people. That is the whole reason to do it and just because you can do something doesn’t mean you often should. Life would be easier if people could get along and you aren’t helping matters much. Like my dad used to say, “It is all fun and games until someone gets hurt.” You may think it’s right but it isn’t and deep inside you know it.

  97. Lindsay Says:

    “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.” Do I really have to roll out examples of how fundamental religions have done this to their own brethren and non-brethren alike? That is exactly the point of blogs like these…conservative religious agendas are routinely responsible for blocking social progress, violating human rights, lobbying for their own agenda to be enacted in governments etc. The key word here is routinely. This is something that myself and other readers here believe is very, very wrong and yes we don’t have much respect for the offenders. This particular blog is from an atheist perspective but I’m sure it wouldn’t be difficult to find Christian, Muslim, Jewish blogs that feel the same way as we do (for the most part…the Christians might not feel so warm and fuzzy about Asshole Jesus).

    I’m lucky enough to live in a part of the country where being an atheist isn’t such a big deal. I have no problem with spirituality…if that helps you get through life then there is no problem. But when it is organized and dogmatic, that is the problem. When clergy members are seen as people who can do no wrong, that is a problem. When their theological texts are taken literally or have to be twisted in ludicrous ways to make sense in today’s world that is a problem. In fact, anything that is deemed infallible is dangerous as that type of power can easily be abused. And that is the point us atheists make (and sometimes in tones you may find less than “nice”)…these religious texts, objects, beliefs are in fact fallible. They are only infallible when the believer puts it on a pedestal.

  98. Ben Says:

    But you still can’t blame all for what some do. Am I right? Instead of arguing with me, have a poignant discussion about it. We are all one race of people regardless of our beliefs. We may disagree but we can do it without slamming and degrading our fellow human beings.

    Discuss it with them. Rise above them if you think they are wrong. Don’t do the same as they would do. You should be a beacon, not a warning.

  99. Ron Britton Says:

    So, Ben. Now that I finally have a little time, I will respond to the 2200 words you wrote telling me that I didn’t get your goat.

    Atheism is a religion

    No it isn’t. Your ignorance is showing right out the gate.

    You believe and have faith in nothing.

    Don’t tell me what I believe.

    So you have faith like the other religions do.

    You’re batting 0 for 3. The only thing I have “faith” in is human curiosity and inquiry and our ability to learn about nature and how the universe works.

    Yes, men wrote their bibles and manuscripts but men also wrote all of the garbage you think is truth. How would they know anymore than the ones who wrote the bible or spiritual books in the past?

    Then I suggest you stay out of airplanes. Don’t touch your computer. Don’t get immunized. None of that stuff works.

    So count yourself lucky that you have a forum to spout untruths and hateful words at people.

    If I wanted to do those things, I might consider myself lucky. I don’t spout untruths. The only hate here is returned in kind. None originates.

    You believe the nonsense men wrote, as though it were gospel like the fools you pick on and demean

    This is an unfounded and unsupported statement. You need to support it with facts or retract it.

    Honestly, anyone of us could write a bible.… L. Ron Hubbard did just that and look at how many fell for his bullshit…. This is the same as you listening or reading Richard Dawkins.

    LRH told fables about aliens flying DC8s into volcanoes. Dawkins explains the evidence of evolution. The two are not similar at all.

    You are as willfully ignorant and sheepish as they are.… Be a leader and create your own ideas of how things are.

    You mean like inventing stories of DC8s flying aliens into volcanoes? No thanks. I’d rather look at what other people have discovered and believe facts.

    I wonder if any of you have ever even read a bible, the Torah, the Koran, the cabala, ETC.?

    That’s your problem. You wonder about too many things but don’t bother to get the facts, as I’ve pointed out above. I’ve read large parts of the Bible and Torah. I haven’t read those others, but I don’t cover those topics here.

    I have read “all religious books” in comparison

    Wow. Every single one of them?

    and there is a lot of wonderful imagery and beauty in those pages.

    And in Harry Potter, too, but I don’t believe that either.

    Don’t bash things until you know for certain what it is, that you are bashing.

    You obviously haven’t read this website, so why are you bashing it?

    I understand fundamentalist Christianity very well. I wouldn’t run a website covering it if I didn’t.

    Most or all of you just follow the crowd like all good little sheeple do.

    If that were true, we’d all be Christians.

    You have your own mind, use the fucking thing.

    We did. That’s why most of us here are atheists.

    You don’t have a clue as to what it takes for these people to live their lives as they do. It is a lot harder than you think.

    I have no sympathy for self-inflicted pain.

    The things that they have to give up in their lives daily would make you hate the world, and they don’t.

    Based on their words and actions, most of them do hate the world—at least large parts of it.

    They do not make their women suffer and they do not treat them badly.

    BULL. FUCKING. SHIT.

    Christianity is 2000 years of female oppression. 4000 years if you include Judaism.

    They do not murder people…

    BULL. FUCKING. SHIT.

    The most religious states in this country have the highest rates of capital punishment. Europe has, for the most part, moved beyond Christianity. They have outlawed capital punishment.

    …or want to harm anyone that is homosexual.

    BULL. FUCKING. SHIT.

    The ones that do are not really Christians.

    Welcome to the No True Scotsman fallacy.

    Their are people in your Atheist faith…

    I told you. Atheism isn’t a religion. We don’t have “faith” in that sense of the word.

    …that do the same things and in some cases, they do it more so than Christians.

    But they don’t do it in the name of atheism.

    I would like to know how many times a person or persons of another religion have killed one of your family members…

    Does attempted murder count?

    …or have jumped onto you or asked you to go to church or turn your life over to God in person?

    More times than I can count.

    I was never persecuted for how I believe.

    Try running for office.

    No one grabbed me and tried to put God in my head or force their religion down my throat.

    Consider yourself lucky.

    You try to force your beliefs down their throats.

    First you try to tell me what I believe. Now you’re trying to tell me what I do. Your statement is patently false. Nothing on this website supports that assertion.

    Who are you people to tell others what is right or to say that they are wrong?

    I only do that when they make patently false statements, such as asserting that the Earth is 6000 years old or claiming that I force my beliefs down other people’s throats.

    Where do you get off thinking, that what is right for you is right for everyone else?

    Again, nowhere on this website do I do this. Are you sure you posted this comment in the right place? I think you must have had Westboro Baptist Church open in another tab.

    The Christians you think of that are on t.v. are not really Christains.

    Do I have to repeat myself?

    I wonder how many of you have attacked a religious or spiritual person out of blind ignorance, due to your own faith based, made up belief system?

    Again, you wonder things without gathering facts, then you attack me for it.

    You fools make me laugh with all of your, “We’re better than they are and they’re stupid for believing in a God!”

    That’s not what makes them stupid. Brainwashing from birth and a need to submit to authoritarianism is what makes them stupid. The God thing is just a side effect.

    You can’t change the weather…

    Actually, the fundies who deny global warming because “only God can destroy the Earth” are changing the weather.

    …and you can’t change people’s minds.

    Actually, we’ve changed quite a few, as the decline of Christianity and the rise of atheism has proven.

    Mind your own business…

    My Constitutional rights are my business!

    …and they will mind theirs.

    Another patently false statement. Don’t you check any of your “facts”?

    What you say just fuels these peoples stupidity

    Didn’t you just get through telling me that I’m not allowed to call them stupid?

    No one knows what happens in the end and no one has came back or is coming back from the dead to tell us. No one knows what happened in the beginning and can only speculate as to why the universe is.

    I fail to see how this is relevant to anything in this discussion. I make no claims in that department.

    Oh, I see. Once again you’re claiming that I’m doing something that I’m not.

    In closing I would like to add, STFU…

    That’s rather intolerant. The very thing you claim I am. You don’t want me to post my opinions on the internet. You don’t want me in your neighborhood.

    I will not shut up. I’ve done almost none of the things you claim I have.

    …and keep your thoughtless bigoted humor to yourselves.

    Actually, it’s very well thought-out, and none of it is bigoted.

    I could make fun of atheist and Christian’s all day.

    That’s right. It is far better to go to their websites and post thoughtless, groundless, bigoted, and hateful comments there.

    you all are obviously worthless pieces of intolerant shit.

    That is not obvious at all. You have not proven any of the claims you have made in your comment.

    You have to be tolerant of others in order for others to be tolerant of you.

    Two comments:

    1. I am tolerant of those who are tolerant.
    2. It is the fundies who are actually opposed to tolerance.

    When you get directly attacked or brought down to the level of the other morons, “you” get angry.

    There was no anger in my short reply up there. A bit of gloating, perhaps…

    What you should do in the case of intolerance: Walk away or do the opposite.

    Walking away allows the intolerance to grow and become even more dangerous.

    You do neither. You get mad and call names and point fingers the same as they do.

    No. Usually I ridicule. I also disassemble their hateful speech and point out its factual and logical errors.

    I never really let it get to me. I just tell people like it is.

    But when I do that, you call it intolerant and hateful.

    Plus your lack of understanding…

    The one with the lack of understanding is you. You do not understand what an atheist is. You accuse us of holding beliefs we don’t hold. You do not understand this website. You accuse me of writing things I have not.

    …and your judgmental nature proves how intolerant you actually are.

    Like I said, I’m tolerant of those who are tolerant.

    Just like you said about all atheists are not the same? The same can be said for the opposition.

    I don’t treat them all the same. Show me where I do.

    I can tolerate anyone or anything.

    No you can’t. Reread your first comment above. It’s very intolerant.

    Can you say the same?

    I already told you what the bounds of my tolerance are. I will not apologize for having a set of expectations that should be met by other members of society. Tolerance for others is the only way we can keep our society functioning. I will smack them around repeatedly until they conform to social norms. Tough love is necessary when dealing with the incorrigible.

    You have no feeling or care about other people

    I have affidavits to the contrary.

    How would you feel if every time you turned around, someone was telling you that “you are stupid for how you believe”? How would you feel if your were alienated constantly because of your beliefs?

    They aren’t in that situation. They’re in the majority. Their delusional beliefs are reinforced constantly.

    Oh and by the way. I am bisexual. Laugh at that.

    Why? Is it funny? And how is that even relevant to anything under discussion? Please try to focus.

    I haven’t met very many Christians

    So that pretty much discredits everything you’ve written. You’re attacking me for having a blog about the nasty, vile, hateful Christians that obviously aren’t part of your experience. Well I have news for you, and this wouldn’t be news if you had actually read this website: This blog isn’t about your kissy-poo Christians that you make out with every night.

    The ones that hurt me were not of God because Christ’s philosophy is love and tolerance.

    You seriously need to visit Scotland. Its population is far more diverse than you believe.

    Most of those heathens have never even read the bible and have based all of their ideas on what other men have told them. Much like yourselves.

    So in addition to telling me what I believe and what I do, you’re now telling me how I acquired my knowledge. You may not be intolerant, but you sure are arrogant.

    Most Christians, Jews etc. don’t even believe in God.

    More groundless assertions unsupported by the facts. Also more assertions about what other people believe. I’m amazed at your ability to read other people’s minds. You could probably get a job at the carnival.

    Just like most atheist feels as they do because it is trendy…

    Wow. You are so totally full of shit.

    …and because they care about what people think about them.

    Because nothing ingratiates a person with the other 85% of the population than telling them something they don’t want to hear.

    And those that oppose the greedy fuckers that call themselves christian, cannot stand against a majority much larger than themselves.

    That’s why we mostly hang out on the internet and talk among ourselves.

    If you have read their bible you would remember that they practice, “turning the other cheek.”

    Except the Catholic priests. They “turn the other’s cheek”.

    BTW they don’t believe that god is a bearded man that sits on a throne and blah blah blah.

    I don’t criticize them for that. I criticize them for trying to inject their religion into our government, for removing evolution almost entirely from the public schools, for actively trying to induce World War III, and many other offenses.

    During my time in college studying for a minor in comparative religion, I learned a lot.

    But nothing about atheism, obviously. I guess that’s to be expected, though, since it isn’t a religion.

    As a matter of fact, calling yourselves atheist is arrogant as fuck! You or I have no clue as to what happened in the beginning or what will happen in the end and science doesn’t either.

    That’s why we make no claims about those things.

    What’s arrogant as fuck is telling other people they believe something that they don’t.

    You like that label because you are following a trend or you want to be a part of something bigger than yourself.

    I love how you know my motivations better than I do. And I am oh so trendy!

    Existence is an illusion and you my friend are a part of it, as much as I am. We are basically holographic images living in a holographic universe. Nothing is real and there is no reality. It is dream and when we die it over.

    You might want to sit down for this: The Matrix was just a movie!!!

    I have written a compelling treatise of Theological Physics if you would like to read it.

    No thanks. I already have a large sample of your writing. It’s full of logical fallacies, false assertions, and a total ignorance of its subject matter.

    you all unfairly jump and condemn anyone that is opposed to your belief system and world view.

    See what I mean?

    They are not smart enough to defend themselves and you take advantage of that fact.

    Where did that come from? You slipped a true statement in at the very end! Didn’t that feel good? Now just do that more often, and people will actually start listening to what you have to say.

    I on the other hand am not willfully ignorant like the morons you have dealt with.

    I think you need to reread everything I’ve pointed out to you in this comment.

    How in the hell are we supposed to end suffering and war if we are adding to it, by blatantly calling people out on their beliefs?

    So you’re saying it’s better to let them perpetuate their false beliefs? Such as “Abstinence-only education works!” Yeah. Tell all the teenage girls out there who are now mothers because of that failed policy how you’re ending their suffering.

    You blog this stuff to get a rise out of people.

    I love how you once again are telling me why I do things. You’re completely wrong. I blog about this stuff to raise awareness and blow off steam.

    Life would be easier if people could get along and you aren’t helping matters much.

    Like the way gay teenagers get along so well with their classmates. People like you are so afraid of confronting people with hateful ideas that you allow the hate to continue.

    Like my dad used to say, “It is all fun and games until someone gets hurt.”

    Matthew Shepard would agree. But you don’t want me to call out hatred and bigotry. You’d rather let it continue.

    But you still can’t blame all for what some do.

    I don’t. I never have. Get this through your massively thick skull: Nowhere on this blog (or in real life) have I ever done that.

  100. Lindsay Says:

    To be honest Ron, I think Ben escaped from the county loony bin and somehow found a computer. His whole rant is really schizophrenic…and I’m not ridiculing either. That rant was the schizophrenic’s equivelent of Ulysses.

    Oh, and do visit Scotland sometime. It’s truly a beautiful place. The Scottish people are a warm, friendly, and for the most part secular, bunch to boot.

  101. Ron Britton Says:

    Lindsay:

    I wouldn’t have bothered, but I do so love shredding stupidity. I mean, seriously, nobody was really going to read his comment. It’s too long. I just wanted the exercise.

    And if I do visit Scotland and run into any fundies, I’ll know they aren’t true Scotsmen.

  102. Jeff Says:

    And if I do visit Scotland and run into any fundies, I’ll know they aren’t true Scotsmen.

    HA! Very good!

  103. Karma Says:

    I have read every single comment and relished every word this whole tirade comprises. Thank you. No, really, thank you!

    I consider myself a global citizen having been raised in multiple cultures. I am fortunate enough to speak 6 languages and feel this exposure to so many cultures growing up has broadened my education. I know enough about organized religion (Baha’i, Christianity, Buddhism, Islam…animism…) to know that I run away from it as fast as my legs can carry me. Unfortunately I now live in Colorado where I have tried unsuccessfully to find like-minded people who aren’t shoving their – in this community – christian views down my gullet. I feel quite ostracized and more like a recluse every day…and it is bloody hard at times. I so enjoy passionate open debates on the topic of religion. Thanks again! Loved it…oooh and I could shag that #47 guy!! What was his name again…he he he! J/K.

    Keep it going! I will share this with my friends, albeit few in number! LOL!

  104. Ron Britton Says:

    Karma:

    That’s why we’re here.

  105. sooz gillespie Says:

    um dude why all the debate.. these are witty and yes a bit off color to certain segments of the populace. But come on, they’re CARTOONS for fucks sakes!

  106. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Does attempted murder count?

    Now that’s a story I wouldn’t mind hearing one day.

  107. Ron Britton Says:

    You’ll have to go without the details. There’s a limit to how much I want to publish on the internet. If it happened today, it would be called a hate crime. If I really were gay, it probably would have made local news. If I were gay and it had succeeded, it probably would have made national news.

    People didn’t talk about those things very much in those days. I was vaguely in favor of civil rights for all even before that incident, but this crystalized it. Violent discrimination is not pretty. Nobody should have to go through it.

  108. Max Says:

    Haha, i was considering saying everything you said to ben, ron.

  109. jeff p Says:

    [Deleted by admin for violation of comment policy rule 7.]

  110. Coty Says:

    Was that supposed to mean something? I don’t think spouting bible verses prove anything on morality or idols; this is the same book that says you can beat your slave as much as you want as long as they don’t die from it and that I can sell my daughter in to slavery. You know, biblical family values.

  111. tom Says:

    THAT kind of jesus IS a jerk and offensive to anyone. The cartoons are not funny. Anyone who does not do their homework and at least try to have a sane conversation without the vulgarity with a TRUE Christian will learn. All of the previous comments are only partly true, even the comments by “atheists”. If your understanding of Jesus, the real one, comes from what some knucklehead said, TV, or the movies then you have an incorrect understanding of Jesus. There are to many bad preachers and not enough people with sense. Quoting bible verses to an unbeliever is like reading the bible to a cow. True Christians do NOT believe in almost any of the incorrect above comments.

  112. Sue Blue Says:

    Tom, thou art truly the authority on the “true” beliefs of “true” christians, because thou sayest so. Surely thou hast walked with Jesus as he strode across the waters, calmed the storm, and divided the bread and fishes two millenia ago. Thou didst heareth the words from His own holy lips, unsullied by the hearsay of the various disciples, the gossip of Mary Magdalene (that scurvy whore!), and the misconceptions and forgeries of dozens of translators throughout all the centuries. God’s words spoken by Jesus hath rained down from the heavens onto thine ears only. Pray slake our parched minds with thine own dewy drops of wisdom.

  113. Lindsay Says:

    You know what, even nearly a year later these still make me chuckle. Thanks Tom, for providing your comment to bring attention again to this hilarious blog post!

  114. AthiestHater Says:

    [Deleted by admin for violation of comment policy]

  115. biblical interpretation Says:

    The pictures are funny and the images are spot on for Jesus this is too fun

  116. omer Says:

    shame on everyone of you coz you dont respect for Jesus
    if you dont believe in Jesus then guys dont insult my Jesus
    its a humble request
    May Jesus Bless you and forgive you all

  117. Lindsay Says:

    Omer, why should we respect an imaginary character? You know what…I love the music of Neil Diamond. Lots of people don’t like Neil Diamond, and make fun of him (such as the wonderful SNL faux Behind the Music). I just ignore the haterz. How about you learn to do the same?