Pray 4 Trig
A couple of weeks ago, Jeff Eyges alerted me to the website Pray 4 Trig, and it’s a fundie winner! Its subtitle tells us that its purpose is to organize a “Worldwide Day of Prayer to Heal Trig Palin”.
The home page is set up as a FAQ.
Q: So what makes this particular prayer so special? Why should congregations gather in support of it?
A: Atheists and others who hate God…
Umm… Actually, if you would bother to look up the definition of an atheist… oh, never mind. Why do I bother?
…like to claim that He only “answers prayers” where divine intervention can’t be proven. They make websites about it, like Why Won’t God Heal Amputees? They say that God won’t answer the prayers of amputees because He isn’t real!
Mommy!! Suzy said that Santa isn’t real! Tell her she’s wrong!
Q: Well, why doesn’t He answer their prayers?
A: Honestly, when’s the last time you heard of a congregation praying, with faith, that a member’s lost limb would be restored to him? Never in my lifetime. Too many people lack faith.
Seriously? That’s their answer? That most Christians are too disinterested in helping out others in their congregation? That’s a seriously damning condemnation. And they claim atheists don’t have morals!
Apparently God is sitting up there on his cloud just waiting to heal amputees, but nobody bothers to ask him! If all they’d do was ask, there would be a worldwide epidemic of new arms and legs sprouting up everywhere!
With enough congregations joining up, I have no doubt there will be sufficient people with genuine faith in God (instead of lip service) to ensure that Trig Palin is healed of Down Syndrome.
They’re also saying that most Christians aren’t True Christians™. God ignores non-True Christians™, so all of the praying that they do goes straight into God’s commode. He likes to stand in front of the toilet and watch the non-True Christians’™ prayers swirl around in the bowl and then disappear as he flushes their prayers away.
God is a dick.
Q: Why Trig Palin?
A: Trig Palin is well known in the media; people all over the world know just who he is, and they already care about him. It will be much easier for them to sincerely pray for someone they care for, instead of what to them is a random name.
Apparently True Christians™ save all their brotherly love for the children of True Republicans™.
Also, it is known publicly that Trig Palin indeed has Down Syndrome. Science has no way to undo this condition, which is the result of an extra chromosome; but God can. When Trig Palin is found to be miraculously healed, everyone but the most hardened atheist will have to acknowledge God’s Majesty!
Hey, that’s all we ever asked for. A little freakin’ evidence for once!
So what happens when Trig isn’t healed? Does that mean God doesn’t exist?
The rest of that page is filled with mundane stuff, such as telling us that this global event of True Christians™ will happen on April 18, 2010.
Presumably, that means that on April 19, Trig will be “Down-free” (No, you don’t get down off a Trig. You get down off a duck.) and there will be a mass conversion of atheists to Christianity.
Or, more likely, Trig will still have Down Syndrome, and there will be a mass conversion of Christians to atheism. (Who am I kidding? Only the first part of that sentence will be true.)