Attention Creationists

I need to say something to the creationists in the audience.

Surprise! You're a retard!

I know this comes as a shock to you. It doesn’t surprise the rest of us, but we had to check your X-rays to make sure.

Shit for brains

You’re probably wondering when this happened.

At conception

Frankly, I’m surprised that you’re surprised. Didn’t this tip you off every time you said it?

You ride the short bus

I hate to break this to you.

You're not special. You're just stupid.

In fact, you have more information than I do. I can only surmise.

Let me guess. Your parents are cousins.

Your condition may have started even before conception.

You were the stupid sperm.

Ordinarily I’d live and let live. But you keep trying to get your religion taught as “science” in the public schools. That makes you…

Creationists are giant dicks

I know you’ve been complaining about my language on this blog. Well you shouldn’t be reading it anyway. There are better things for you to be doing.

Creative Recreation for the Mentally Retarded

And finally…

Please don't hate me because of my superior intellect and sarcastic attitude

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A note to my regular readers: As you may have guessed, there will be no changes in this blog’s content or style in the foreseeable future.

20 Responses to “Attention Creationists”

  1. Magnus Bergmark Says:

    Wohoo!

  2. Jeff Eyges Says:

    You know we’re only trying to drag you down to hell with us.

  3. Laura Says:

    Ha! Nice! :D :D

  4. Syldoran Says:

    I love picture stories!

    Do you think it helps them understand?

  5. Mekata Says:

    wohoo, Perfect

  6. KeithA Says:

    there will be no changes in this blog’s content or style in the foreseeable future.

    Well, that’s a relief!

  7. mary b Says:

    But..but…the earth is only 6,000 years old!! (whine)
    How will $carah appeal to her base?
    People didn’t evolve from chimps, only republicans!

  8. davros Says:

    that is some welcome news

  9. K-Fed Says:

    Is this post partially about the post where I got upset over what I thought you meant but didn’t really mean?

  10. Ron Britton Says:

    K-Fed:

    Not at all. I’m just letting people know that I’ve settled the question posed in the last post.

    I’m also saying that I think creationists are retarded.

  11. K-Fed Says:

    Whoa. Easy, Ron; you wouldn’t want to offend someone.

  12. Syldoran Says:

    Not that offending them is hard . . . they kinda get offended because we breathe. We’d have to stop taking their precious oxygen before we got anywhere near “not offending.”

  13. KennyCelican Says:

    I’m a high school bio teacher. I recently got an email petition forwarded to me by the school’s technology coordinator. It was to get ‘creation science’ taught in our school.

    I am overwhelmed with blinding rage at the ignorance involved.

  14. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Kenny, in which state do you teach? Was the petition sent to you for your signature, or was it addressed to you? What action, if any, have you taken? Have you reported it to the school administration?

  15. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Technology Coodinator? I expect this from ignorant parents and the like. But an inside job from a technology coordinator? I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised.

  16. Ron Britton Says:

    KennyCelican:

    But have you done your Darwinist duty to suppress the academic freedoms of this Darwin skeptic?

  17. (((Billy))) The Atheist Says:

    You realize, of course, that the people for which you wrote this are not currently sitting around saying (to themselves), “I resemble that remark.”

    Good graphics.

  18. Jeff Eyges Says:

    This was in my email this morning. It’s a reply to an old thread on Atheist Experience (why do they always do that?):

    If we were not created by God and we came from monkeys, then I guess it’s okay for me to keep one of you as my pet!

  19. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Who keeps pet monkeys (and is sane)? A much better retort would have been, “… then I guess it’s okay for me to fling poop at you!”

    That would have been at least funny, although still incredibly illogical.

  20. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Heh! I’d post that as a reply, but AE is one of the blogs I walked away from in a huff!