One Dildo, Two Wetsuits, One Dead Fundie

He probably never leaves the dive boat.

Aldridge, above, couldn’t get it up with just one wetsuit.

Thanks to loyal reader Ericsan for tipping me off to this one. The Smoking Gun tells us:

Dead Reverend’s Rubber Fetish

Autopsy: Pastor found in wet suits after autoerotic mishap

OCTOBER 8—An Alabama minister who died in June of “accidental mechanical asphyxia” was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report.

Investigators determined that Rev. Gary Aldridge’s death was not caused by foul play and that the 51-year-old pastor of Montgomery’s Thorington Road Baptist Church was alone in his home at the time he died (while apparently in the midst of some autoerotic undertaking).

While the Montgomery Advertiser, which first obtained the autopsy records, reported on Aldridge’s two wet suits, the family newspaper chose not to mention what police discovered inside the minister’s rubber briefs.

At this point, they link to the five-page autopsy report. Page 2 of the report contains the prurient parts. After going into great detail on how the body was attired in two wetsuits and numerous straps and cords restraining the wrists and ankles, the autopsy report adds:

There is one dildo in the anus covered with a condom.

Well at least he was practicing safe sex!

Now I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but it appears that Rev. Aldridge also broke the law. In the state of Alabama, it is illegal to purchase a dildo. Criminal!

OK, so there are a lot of fetishists out there. Who are we to judge? Ordinarily, I wouldn’t, but look who we’re talking about here. As Cliff Schecter reports:

Aldridge had been a senior pastor at Thorington Road Baptist Church for 15 years.

and

Gary Aldridge graduated from Liberty University and later worked for the late Jerry Falwell.

In other words, he was a dedicated fundie who no doubt spent countless hours telling other people how to live their sex lives.

If they can’t stick to their own rules, they have no business foisting them upon us.

22 Responses to “One Dildo, Two Wetsuits, One Dead Fundie”

  1. Stewart Paterson Says:

    Perhaps he was given the dildo?
    Then, if he hadn’t bought it, he hadn’t broken the law.

    There’s been a lot of discussion of this case over at PZ Myer’s place, re the difficulty of getting into 2 wetsuits, and how does one hogtie oneself?

  2. Ron Britton Says:

    He could have also ordered it by mail or brought it in from out of state. Thankfully, possession has been decriminalized.

    I was wondering how he managed to hogtie himself and why the coroner thought that no foul play was involved. Maybe the coroner was misquoted. Since this was a fetish accident, maybe he meant that no fowl play was involved.

  3. ericsan Says:

    The saddest part is that somehow, nothing EVER fazes the followers, no matter how many Haggards and Bakkers and Aldridges you throw at them. Then again, they wouldn’t be following these fucked up religions if they weren’t dumbasses in the first place, so that’s par for the course I guess.

  4. ParrotLover77 Says:

    You know it’s hard not to giggle when you see the hypocrisy here, but this is really a sad story from all perspectives. The problem with the hypocritical sexual “deviant” (their term, not mine) fundies is that they are so caught up in believing that what they desire and are doing is a sin, they probably spend hours/days/weeks crying and praying for those thoughts to go away — but they never do because it’s just more complicated than that.

    This in turn I believe leads to why they try SO hard to keep people from “falling prey” to sins like their own and why they speak out against most sexual acts. It really shows how the whole system they are a part of and support screws them up too, makes them unhappy, and anybody else “fighting” against a fetish they desire. It’s probably even worse if they are homosexual because not being attracted to the opposite sex and not wanting to “be fruitful and multiply” with him or her must be incredibly painful… “why me” I’m sure they think to themselves.

    If these things were not seen as sins and they weren’t afraid of going to hell for them, they could be more open (or at least feel less guilty). For example, the stall-tapping fundie politicians would be in openly gay HEALTHY relationships, instead of risky anonymous bathroom sex.

    So, as hard as it is to not giggle when you see the hypocrisy, you have to remember that they are actually victims of the same system they support. It is sad that he had to be so mean to others, and just as sad that he was so repressed that he had to get into autoerotic asphyxiation to “get off” when the natural biological urges he had been suppressing finally exploded.

    Seriously, if he had a partner that was into his fetishes, he could have enjoyed his urges safely… or at least the partner could have called 911 if something went bad. Or maybe if he wasn’t repressed, he wouldn’t have needed something so extreme to get him off. Maybe just leather and latex would have done the trick.

    Sad, sad, sad, sad…

  5. Troy Says:

    If you suppress your desires, eventually your desires become perverse.

  6. Dave Zirkle Says:

    What I want to know about this is since he was allegedly alone and no foul play is suspected…how did he hog tie himself? That usually requires some assistance.

    I guess it doesn’t matter. I found it typical of this sort of hypocrite. I must admit to having a bit of a laugh as well. After all, he was so on Bill Clinton for getting oral sex from a woman.

    I’m thinking fundies figure anal sex with a dildo is okay if you’re all by yourself in a wet suit or two. OMG no oral stimulation though.

  7. Let the Truth Prevail Says:

    Last time I checked judgement was left up to God.
    If all our closets were open, not a one of us could judge another.
    May the Rev. Gary rest in peace.
    He was a Great man who unfortunately was internally tortured by sexual desires…and not a one of us has the right to judge him. Period

  8. Ron Britton Says:

    “Truth” Prevailer:

    He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
    —John 8:7

    It’s really pathetic how clueless you fundies are. You act like sex is a dirty, shameful act. You pretend that it’s a simple, minor urge that can be held back until marriage, and then completely satisfied thereafter by a weekly five-minute hump with the lights out. Then you condemn anybody who has any desires beyond that. You throw the entire weight of your ignorance against anybody who acts upon the very normal range and diversity of sexual desire. You impeached a president for getting a blow job, but allow a war criminal to remain in office.

    Is it any wonder that those with the biggest secret sex lives are fundies? If you didn’t suppress the normal so completely, you wouldn’t find it necessary to rent motel rooms under false names and pick up crack whores for guilt-ridden relief.

    If you accepted sexuality for the normal thing it is, then maybe Rev. Gary Aldridge would have felt secure enough in himself to have gone to a legal BDSM dungeon to have his desires satisfied safely.

    Yes, “Truth” Prevailer. You, personally, are partially to blame for his death, because you helped to create the toxic, hate-filled environment that he had to hide from.

  9. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Also, how come judgement comes so easily to everybody else, but when it’s one of their own we hear BS like “If all our closets were open, not a one of us could judge another.”

    I heard the same thing from a fundie relative when I sent an anti-McCain email to her. Yet, for some reason, that doesn’t stop her from sending me the “OBAMA IZ A SEKRET M00SL3M” emails.

  10. LadyRavana Says:

    Gary Aldridge graduated from Liberty University and later worked for the late Jerry Falwell.

    Forgive me for going off-topic, but I always found “Liberty University” rather an ironic name, all things considered.

    Personally, I’ve been waiting for Pat Robertson to kick the bucket…

  11. Ron Britton Says:

    I always found “Liberty University” rather an ironic name, all things considered.

    Clueless irony is a fundie specialty.

  12. Manlyman Says:

    So, let me get this straight, based on all the comments above (which is bullshit anyway, no one really wants to get into a dialogue), you all just want to take potshots at “fundies”, and bash them for how different they are from you…then condemn them for bashing others for being different from them…??? Go ahead, it’ll make you feel better…call me a fundie too…I made the cardinal sin of disagreeing with a far left viewpoint.
    And for the record, since we’re all into checking facts (note inherent sarcasm), Bill Clinton was impeached for lying under oath, not getting a blowjob. Heavens, we’d have to impeach every one since Lincoln for that one! (And please, all who are chomping at the bit to tell me Lincoln was gay, please do your research…or at the very least, give everyone the same freedom to believe whatever the hell they choose while you claim this same freedom is being mercilessly stripped from you (hand on forehead in martyr pose for emphasis).)

  13. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Irony is lost on the ManlyMan.

  14. Lindsay Says:

    Is ManlyMan for real? That was probably the most hilarious thing I’ve read today.

  15. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Why do they respond to year-old threads? They do it constantly, on other blogs as well.

  16. KennyCelican Says:

    I’ve posted replies long after when I’m going through the archives of a blog. I post far, far less, but once in a while something is either so bad I can’t resist AND has gone uncommented (pretty damn rare) or is just SO good I feel the need to applaud, even if no one hears it.

    However, if I’m posting on something that old, it’s a clear sign that, in general, I like the blog, because I’m going through the archives looking for more. Methinks ManlyMan got here by following a permalink from some OTHER blog’s archives, but I could be wrong.

    I was going to start the next paragraph with ‘what he doesn’t get’, but realized that can of worms may actually be bottomless…

  17. Ron Britton Says:

    Why do they respond to year-old threads?

    This is one of my more popular articles. I’m apparently an authority on the Duggars and wetsuit dildo asphyxiation. People are always searching for those two topics and frequently end up here.

    I was going to start the next paragraph with ‘what he doesn’t get’, but realized that can of worms may actually be bottomless…

    I disagree. There is a high likelihood that ManlyMan is a Bottom (maybe even a dildo-loving bottom). The most vocal fundies are the often the ones that are hiding the most scandalous sexual secrets.

  18. Ron Britton Says:

    This article is also sometimes referenced by other blogs. Parrotlover discovered that just today Sadly, No! linked to it. That brought 118 visitors to this article just today. The “Manly” Man was probably one of those.

  19. Parrotlover77 Says:

    I just have to give a shout-out to the SadlyNaughts. Bay of Fundie is an excellent anti religious fundamantalist blog. Stay and look around for a while.

    And BoFers, go check out SN. It is one of the funniest liberal slanted political blogs out there – the comments included. If you haven’t read it before, go read it now.

  20. Gustavo Keener Says:

    Bomp bomp bomp, Another fundie bites the dust.

  21. Gustavo Keener Says:

    (All condolences to his family, and please fundie fundies, come out of the closet with your perversions instead of supporting a system that would scorch you for it)

  22. Jacksonst71 Says:

    Oh man, this is priceless!