Lord, Give Me a Sign!
[I had to run off to St. Paul for a few days, so here is an article I wrote in advance.]
I went on one of my periodic photography expeditions last week, this time to San Francisco. The town has a long history of the unhinged, dating back to Emperor Norton through Jim Jones and up to the present with Frank Chu and other tin-foil-hatters.
One type of crazy we have in short supply, though, is the American Purebred Christian Fundamentalist (an American Kennel Club-recognized breed). We do have a few. You can see them running loose on the streets sometimes. All of the recent budget cuts means the city can no longer round them up and euthanize them.
That is how I managed to get a glimpse of one of them that day. I saw him at the cable car turn-around at Powell Street. That’s him in the photo above. He was smart enough to recognize that this is one of the best locations for spreading the loony virus. That intersection is among the highest in tourist traffic in the city. Don’t work crazier, work smarter!
As you can see, his sign says “Jesus Christ loves you” (I didn’t know that! I must thank him for informing me!). But it isn’t just his sign. Take a closer look at his nutter-duds:
That’s right. He has it sewn into his hat and jacket. And not just on the front or back. He has it on the front and back and sides!
Maybe someone out there can explain something to me: Why?
Seriously, what does this guy hope to accomplish? Does he really think that by standing out there with his little sign, hat, and jacket that people are going to look at him, be struck with sudden revelation, and abandon their sinful ways? Does he think there are people out there who have never heard of Christianity, and once they get the “good news”, they’ll run back to their hotel room, whip out the Gideon Bible, and look up John 3:16?
[Speaking of which—but otherwise completely unrelated—room 509 of the Wyndham Orange County hotel is now missing its copy of the Gideon Bible. It’s a complete mystery to me. It was there when I checked in last month, but somehow it wasn’t there when I checked out two days later. My spidey sense tells me that it may have found its way to the recycling center, where it will be remade into paper for a more wholesome book. If we’re really lucky, it will be remade into posterboard for Frank Chu.]
December 11th, 2009 at 7:59 am
The road to Hell may be paved with good intentions, but the road to Heaven is littered with embroidered stocking caps.
December 11th, 2009 at 10:46 am
It’s branding. It’s not that people haven’t heard of Xianity but that Jesus’s marketing people want it to be in the forefront of people’s minds.
It’s kind of like why they still run ads for Coke, as if there was someone who hadn’t head of it.
December 11th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Yes.
This has been another edition of simple answers to simple questions.
December 11th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
I only scrolled halfway down the picture and saw a fat woman wearing a Jesus Loves You sweater.
Look. The hat is her body, the end of the hat is her arm, and it looks like she’s leaning over and hugging that poor man.
I know I’m not the only one who saw it.
December 11th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
This is a very worthy cause. Is there an address to which we can send donations?
Won’t someone please think of the children?
December 11th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Remember, they believe they have a mandate to make converts – or, if they’re Calvinists, their job is to spread the news so that God can round up his “elect”. Either way, they believe that telling people is priority no. 1.
Even though they spend all of their time talking about salvation being a free gift, and the fact that they’re saved and we aren’t, they really are terrified of going to hell. They need to satisfy themselves that they’ve made every reasonable effort to spread the “good news” so they can present it as evidence to the big man when the time comes – “I tried to tell them, Lord, but they just wouldn’t listen! Surely you won’t hold it against me?”
Always remember when dealing with fundies, even when they have graduate degrees from top-tier universities – the most mature of them is still a frightened child. I’d have compassion for them if they weren’t also utterly hateful.
December 12th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Dude, what were you on when you saw this? I want some.
December 12th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I think he just likes to try and get attention.Notice the extra verbiage..why not just ‘Jesus Loves You’? and the sign..make it tall…in big letters..and make it big..and bright GREEN!
December 14th, 2009 at 11:29 am
I’m starting a clothing line named “P4WN3D by Xenu”
December 14th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
lol, my next thought was that he actually sells that stuff!
December 15th, 2009 at 8:27 am
I can say with confidence “Yes. Yes he does.” I very specifically remember when I was a Christian honestly believing 100% that what I said and things I wore would make people come to a sudden revelation. I had visions in my head of how they would thank me for helping them later.
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:57 pm
I saw, literally, the exact same fellow, at the exact same trolley/cable car station in SF back in August, wearing the exact same clothes, and carrying the same exact neon-green sign. He didn’t speak a word though. He just stands there, all day, with that sign. I’m not surprised he’s still there, and next time I go back to San Francisco, at the Powell and Hyde (or was it Powell and Market….I forget, I’m a New York native, and August was the first time I was ever in SF and it was only for a week…) I expect I’ll see him still there. That kind of lunacy calls for fanatical dedication. He seemed like a very tranquil, quiet fellow, I would’ve struck up a conversation with him, but he seemed totally disconnected, just watching the crowd, sign held high.
As far as nutters go, he’s fairly benign.
As for the mention of Emperor Norton, I happen to think the eccentric Emperor was an amusing, harmless figure; not a crazy, but a lovable eccentric.