Bay of Fundie

A Jehovah’s Witness once said to me “God, exists, and I can prove it!”

Needless, to say, I was eager to hear this proof. After all, this is something that has been debated for thousands of years. Just think! He was about to reveal to me one of the greatest secrets of the Universe!

I decried “I am not worthy!” and prostrated myself at his feet. I then groveled, “But if you could see fit to enlighten one so lowly, I would remain forever your humble servant!”

Actually, I think I just said “Oh yeah?”

Now pay attention. Here is the exact proof of God’s existence that this JW gave me: “Just look around!”

I looked around, but there was no shimmering light, no harp music, no Gabriel’s trumpet, no sense of rapture, no one being Left Behind (except our science students in the public schools), and no burning Bush (except for the remnants of the effigy I made earlier). In short, there was no proof.

“What do you mean?” I said.

“Everything!” he said. “The entire Universe! It could only have been created by God!”

The conversation went downhill from there.

Logic

Let’s follow the argument:

A created B.
We know B exists.
Therefore, A must exist.

What kind of crappy logic is that? The entire thing rests on “A created B.” They start out with an unproven assertion, and then they use the conclusion to prove the assertion!

Try this:

Unicorns drive Studebakers.
We know Studebakers exist.
Therefore, fundies have brains.

See? When you plug different words into the same logic, the fallacy is obvious!

The Koran

The History Channel’s Decoding the Past had a recent episode on the Koran. The program stated that many Muslims believe that the language in the Koran is so perfect that it must be evidence of God’s existence. How could an illiterate man (Muhammad) in the middle of nowhere produce such a document?

Camel dung!

“Illiterate” doesn’t mean “stupid”! The guy may have been very eloquent; he just didn’t know how to write.

What is more of a stretch is believing that William Shakespeare actually wrote the plays that bear his name. He was allegedly functionally illiterate. Yet these are the greatest literary works in the English language. They contain some of the most magnificent writing of all time.

Hamlet could have only been written by God!

William Shakespeare was the messiah!

(Or maybe Shakespeare wasn’t the retard that some people claim. Or maybe the statement “Shakespeare didn’t write his own plays” is more credible than the foundation of the world’s second-largest religion.)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 7th, 2006 at 8:46 am and is filed under Offline Video, Religion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.