Frank Chu, Part 1

[Note: I have to go to St. Paul, Minnesota on business for a few days. I’m leaving my blog addiction at home for these few days. I won’t be checking in to make sure the spammers haven’t taken over or to fish your sorry asses out of moderation. You’ll just have to wait until I return. I’ll resume the Darwin Was Wrong tales then.

In the meantime, I’ll be running a few other articles that I wrote last week and stuck in my hoard. The first is a two-parter about non-fundie professional crazy Frank Chu.]

Pearls Before Swine

(Image from Pearls Before Swine)

Q: What’s the difference between a tin-foil-hatter and a Christian?

A: About two billion people.

There are thousands or even hundreds of thousands of people who believe in alien abductions or inter-dimensional lizard-men or Area 51. To the rest of us, those beliefs are completely bizarre and absurdly far-fetched. However, they are no more bizarre than the beliefs of Christians. What it boils down to is quantity, not quality. I don’t know what the critical threshold for number of followers is, but once you cross it, you’re no longer crazy. You’re a religion. Congratulations!

Frank Chu with typical sign

San Francisco has a UFO crackpot named Frank Chu, and he’s actually fairly well known among the locals. I don’t know if his fame comes from his crazy beliefs or his persistence.

He wanders the streets almost daily, carrying his distinctive sign of gibberish spelled out with bold block lettering. He’s always going on about the 12 Galaxies or something. Apparently they are our secret overlords.

Wikipedia tells us that he lives in Oakland and travels into San Francisco every day on BART. Yes, this guy has a daily commute. Being crazy is his job!

Like anybody with a respectable job, he has a résumé (pdf) and his own business cards:

Frank Chu's business card

Job or not, he does appear to be certifiably crazy (from Wikipedia):

In early 1985, Chu, then 24 years old, took 11 members of his family hostage in his home in Oakland and was reported to have beaten one or more with his fists. Chu fired a .38 pistol at a police officer who came to investigate, but missed. Police cordoned off a ten-block area for three hours. Chu eventually released his hostages and surrendered to the police.

His violent days are long past. That was before he discovered the aliens. Contrary to popular belief, they’re not from outer space. There was some anatomical probing, and the little green men told him “We have come from Uranus”.

Wikipedia summarizes his beliefs fairly well:

Frank Chu holds Bill Clinton responsible for directing the CIA to withhold payment to him for being the star of something called “The Richest Family” during the presidency of George H.W. Bush. His protests frequently called for the impeachment of Clinton even after Clinton was no longer in office. Bill Clinton and various other US presidents are frequently accused by Chu of cooperating with the 12 Galaxies to commit crimes and treasons. Chu is strongly interested in television reporters and newscasters, who will bring him the publicity he requires to inform the world of the injustices committed against him. He hopes that this wave of publicity will cause a public outcry, which will result in the impeachment of various US presidents and the awarding of “$20 billions” in compensation for the damages he and his family have suffered.

Wikipedia also tells us that the San Francisco Bay Guardian named him “Best Protestor” in 2000, and SF Weekly named him “Best Pathological Citizen” in 2007.

You can find out more about him via the links on the Wikipedia page. You can visit his MySpace page, see lots of photos of his protests, find more articles, or watch lots of videos. Or you could come back here tomorrow.

(Tomorrow: I meet Frank Chu!)

8 Responses to “Frank Chu, Part 1”

  1. YogaforCynics Says:

    Has it occurred to you that he might be right?

    That 12 Galaxies thing really does explain a lot…

  2. breakerslion Says:

    Wow. I’m impressed. He beat Gene Ray for Best Pathological Citizen?

  3. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Okay, Time Cube actually makes sense insofar as there is a subject-verb agreement, for example.

    But what the fuck does a sign that basically just says “12 Galaxies” then a bunch of gibberish even mean?! Or is it an ellaborate piece of performance art intended to make me want to throw things at him?

  4. Thomas Says:

    Wow, he sounds a lot more interesting that the guy who dresses up as an Elton John-esque drum major and parades around midtown Atlanta directing an invisible marching band or the geriatric guy in my neighborhood who stands on the corner in bicycle pants just to show off that he has a massive cock.

  5. Parrotlover77 Says:

    I want to meet the Drum Major. The universe in his head sounds fascinating.

  6. Ron Britton Says:


    Wow. I’m impressed. He beat Gene Ray for Best Pathological Citizen?

    That would be San Francisco citizen. Gene Ray must live elsewhere.

  7. C Woods Says:

    Great comment: “I don’t know what the critical threshold for number of followers is, but once you cross it, you’re no longer crazy. You’re a religion.”

    But can’t you be crazy AND a religion? Most religions I have encountered are both.

  8. joshing Says:

    Frank is a beloved character in San Francisco. There is even a bar named after him on Mission Street. A good friend of mine contacted him recently to have him appear in a video for his record release:
    You can see Frank at about 1:04 on the video. He said it cost him a little bit to have him come out, but well worth it I think!