Donald Wildmon’s Dedication Speech

The American Decency Association is the small fundie pressure group that’s offended by topless mannequins. Over the last year they’ve taken a little time out of their busy schedule of whining about Victoria’s Secret, Family Guy, and Sports Illustrated to hound their sheeple into donating enough funds to buy their very own building. Wow! They’re all growed up now!

They recently held their dedication of the building. I’m sure the event was full of lots of self-congratulating praises and self-righteous bloviating, and praying and thanking Gawd and Jeebus for all of their blessings. I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it, but I had previously committed to gouging my eyes out with a sharp stick. But attending that event was my second choice!

It turns out that I missed a humdinger of a shindig. The American Decency Asshats actually managed to snag the one and only ultra-Reverend Donald Wildmon of the American Fundie Association to deliver the dedication speech! It’s a good thing I gouged out both of my eyes, or I would be kicking myself for having gotten the poorer end of the deal.

Thanks to the miracle of the internet (that strange series of tubes that can also deliver pornography on demand!), we can actually read Wildmon’s speech and fantasize about what it must have been like to actually be there in person. Here’s some of what he had to say:

We are in a cultural battle, a spiritual war.

Fundies never tire of their war metaphors. It sure is a peaceful religion!

We have been for several decades now. It’s getting worse. It’s not getting better.… We’re in a spiritual battle for the future of the western civilization. Europe and the U.S. came out of the mind of Christ. Our view of democracy came from there. And our view of capitalism came from there.

Since when has Christianity been about democracy? Jesus never mentioned it. The Catholic church presided over centuries of religious totalitarianism. Modern fundies don’t even want democracy. They want a theocracy that they can label “democracy”.

Where does Jesus preach capitalism? Is that why virtually all modern fundies are Republicans? Jesus’ message was very much anti-capitalism. Unbridled capitalism (a.k.a. neo-conservatism) exploits the working classes and the poor for the benefit of the richest half-percent of the population. Christianity can be compatible with some forms of capitalism (e.g., FDRs New Deal or Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society); it’s just not compatible with the fanatical, social-Darwinist neo-Republicanism of today.

It was this view—this Christian world-view—that gave us the ability to be the most successful country in the world.

And then the neo-cons came along and threw it all away.

Somewhere along the way several years ago, somebody decided that our system, our way of doing things, wasn’t so good, so they starting changing it. The first thing they tried to do was remove the basic Christian faith from the everyday world. They’ve got to get Christianity out of the marketplace—out of society.

Stop being so paranoid, Wildmulch. Nobody is trying to remove Christianity from society, just from government.

Well, it started with prayer in school. For two hundred years there wasn’t anything illegal about prayer in schools. But all of a sudden the Supreme Court says you can’t pray in schools.

For 180 years there wasn’t anything illegal about segregation. But all of a sudden the Supreme Court says you can’t segregate in schools.

Then we came along with abortion. And we kill babies.

No, we kill unviable tissues. Maybe it’s not pretty, but it’s far short of murder.

I saw a poll not long ago about a group of college students. This is about the conflicted society that we live in today. A group of college students were asked the question, ‘Is abortion murder?’ And the majority of them said ‘Yes. Yes. It is murder.’ They were asked a second question. ‘Should abortion be legal?’ And the majority of them said ‘Yes.’ They didn’t see any conflict. Yes abortion is murder, but it should be legal!

You’re looking at it backward, Windbag. Yes, those two statements are in conflict. All it proves, though, is that you fundies have been extremely successful in convincing people that abortion is murder. Murder should be illegal. If abortion were murder, then I would advocate banning it. However, abortion is not murder, despite your lies and propaganda. I examined this issue previously. I recommend that the Reverend go read that article before shooting his mouth off.

[T]here is a distinct possibility that a hundred years from now, or fifty years from now, Christianity will have no influence in government and government policies at all. Period.

Oooooo! You’re such a tease!

And if you profess to be a Christian, you will be isolated and rejected by society.

Just how are we going to “isolate and reject” 90% of the population? Geeeez, this Christian persecution complex is huge!

You won’t be taken out and fed to the lions. They will just pass laws that keep you in your place.

Poll tax! We’ll pass a poll tax! That will keep “those people” in their place! And we’ll have a literacy test. You can’t vote unless you pass a literacy test! You have to be able to accurately describe Darwin’s principle of descent with modification.

And society will begin to look down upon you as being a little bit, what Stalin used to say, a little bit mental—unstable.

“Begin” nothing! We already look down on you as being “a little bit mental”!

Let’s go back twenty years. Let’s go back to television. Twenty years ago, there was no program on the networks that featured anybody identified as a Christian living in a modern world in a positive manner. Did you hear what I’m saying?

Unfortunately yes. So do us all a favor and shut up.

Go back to the fifties and you’ll find the church, you’ll find it in movies, you’ll find grace being said before the meal. You’ll find religion, Christianity, being an important part of society.

Yes, let’s go back to the days of segregation and racism and homophobia.

There is an intentional effort to reshape our society.

Yes. For the better!

I never thought twenty-five years ago that I’d live to see the day…

I’d also like it if you didn’t live to see another day. Why? Have you been feeling depressed lately? Don’t let me stop you!

…when churches—Christian churches—would have a major push to ordain or accept as ministers practicing homosexuals. I never thought I’d see that. The Bible’s quite clear on that.

The Bible’s also quite clear that you should own slaves. You’re sounding very nostalgic today, Rev.

Pornography. …Today turn on your computer. There are 10 million porn sites.

But still no HotTeenFundies.com! What will Reverend Wildmunch do?

Did you know that in the last fifteen years there was a president by the name of Bill Clinton?

Yes. I think I may have heard of him.

There’s a current president by the name of George W. Bush.

By golly! You may be right about that!

The older Bush there before Clinton had a little bit of prosecution against pornography going. But from Bill Clinton through the current President George W. Bush, there has not been one single, major supplier of obscenity indicted or taken to trial or charged in any way. Not one. Not one.

Not one! Not one, I tell you! Oh, the horror!

It’s gotten where every morning when I pick up the paper, I read about some child that has been abused or somebody who has been caught with child pornography.

That’s a rather abrupt transition. So what’s your point? Oh, wait! I just had a crazy thought! I think Donald Wildmon thinks there’s a connection between legal adult pornography and child abuse or child pornography! What a scream! Where do you get your information, Wildmouth? Do you still believe that illness is caused by swamp gas? Are the “humors” in your body out of whack?

What a moron.

5 Responses to “Donald Wildmon’s Dedication Speech”

  1. The Watcher Says:

    Why do Wild-Man’s speeches all sound so condescending?

  2. Robbie Taylor Says:

    A search of this site produced 2, count ‘em, 2 shows with positive Xtians in 1987 – 20 years ago.

  3. Ron Britton Says:

    Good job, Robbie! Once again, facts mean nothing to these people.

  4. MichaelS Says:

    No, we kill unviable tissues. Maybe it’s not pretty, but it’s far short of murder.

    I take issue with that statement: “viable” means it’s capable of growth under favorable conditions (do a google search for “define: viable” and nearly every entry says the same thing). “Unviable” would then mean it’s incapable of growth. We do kill unviable tissues (for instance, my mom had an egg that got stuck in the tube near the ovary; had she not aborted it, it would have killed them both). However, we also regularly kill viable tissue (my friend’s ex-girlfriend got an abortion because she didn’t know who the dad was and didn’t want to have so-and-so’s kid–had she not gotten the abortion, the “tissue” would have been perfectly capable of forming into a healthy, human child).

    Maybe it’s just a wording issue, but you’re wrong, so I feel obligated to point out the error before you “lose” an argument over semantics.

    Cheers!

  5. Ron Britton Says:

    MichaelS:

    The tissue is unviable outside the womb.