Where’s MY Ceiling Cat?

Actually, I just can't depict him, because it will cause the Muslims to riot

Atheists don’t have ceiling cats!

What you’re looking at is the hole we had to cut in my ceiling on April 6th, when the upstairs neighbor’s drain overflowed. In addition to running down the inside of the walls, it also formed a puddle between the floors and was dripping down through the sheetrock. We had to cut the hole to drain the lake.

As always happens when you finally peel back the layers of the unknown and get your first look at how things really are, you discover that all of the mystical explanations are wrong. Instead, you see a logical, predictable, and knowable universe.

There is no ceiling cat. There never was a ceiling cat.


You may recall I’ve been living in a hotel since September 1st, when we finally did the demolition of the walls and ceiling (there is now a much bigger hole in the ceiling). Since then, nothing has happened on the rebuild. Everything is moving slower than a fundie’s brain in a biology class.

Anyway, the rebuild finally begins tomorrow, one whole month after the demolition. And that was with me pushing hard on people to get all of the details resolved. If I had let things proceed at their own pace, it probably would have taken twice as long.

They’re telling me the rebuild will take about two weeks. Don’t ask me why. It doesn’t look like two weeks worth of work to me. Don’t they do stuff like this in an afternoon on those home improvement cable shows?

11 Responses to “Where’s MY Ceiling Cat?”

  1. ericsan Says:

    I never thought you’d shock me, but… Pastels and a frieze? Who are you, Kristel Carrington?

  2. Ron Britton Says:

    Actually, what you’re looking at it is massive laziness and a colossal lack of design sense. It was like that when I moved in. I’ve been too lazy to repaint it, and I haven’t the foggiest notion what would look good. After all, I briefly considered flooring this place with red carpet. I’m actually surprised I didn’t do that.

    They have to repaint the whole area to make the new walls match the old. They told me the frieze has to come off in order for them to repaint. They offered to put something comparable back up. I told them I could probably suffer through life without a new frieze. However, the new paint will probably be the same color as the old. I don’t want to risk another red carpet disaster. (BTW, that’s not pink. It’s some sort of peach color. Hell if I know what they call it.)

  3. Parrotlover77 Says:

    In the contractor’s defense, the home improvement shows actually take place over days — even weeks — but through the magic of TeeVee they make it seem much shorter.

  4. Brian Says:

    Having had many contractors as customers over the years, I’m not in the least bit surprised that they’re dragging their heels. These guys make their money by taking the most time to do the very least they have to do. If you shorten the work time or demand better work, their profit goes down.

    Of course, there are many contractors that do honest, conscientious work and recognize that good word of mouth advertising is hard to come by and will defend their reputation by doing a good job everytime, but they’re in the minority.

  5. Kevin Says:


    Personally, I like the frieze. It’s quite tasteful.

  6. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Brian – I found somebody like that through word of mouth in my area. And he’s freaking cheap too. I won’t use anybody else.

  7. CountingCats Says:

    No Ceiling Cat? How dare you offend my holy and one true religion.

    Die infidel, Ceiling Cat Akbar.

  8. KennyCelican Says:

    Brian – I wouldn’t say ethical contractors are in the minority. However, quite a lot of contractors have no formal training. They’ll do the best they can, and quite often do a good job, but like anyone trying to do a good job on something they’re not sure on, they’ll be slow.

    One point of order, Ron – there is photographic evidence of a ceiling cat, even if you’ve no evidence of a cat in your personal ceiling.

    CC – Beware, he may be a minion of Basement Cat, sent to bring about the incarnation of Tacgnol!

  9. Ron Britton Says:

    However, quite a lot of contractors have no formal training.

    What?! You’d better not be suggesting that Joe the Plumber isn’t a real plumber!

    Ron – there is photographic evidence of a ceiling cat, even if you’ve no evidence of a cat in your personal ceiling.

    The only evidence for a ceiling cat is the photograph claiming to show a ceiling cat. That’s circular logic!

  10. Nessie Says:

    I’m probably too late, but you actually *can* have your own ceiling cat:

  11. Ziggy Says:

    Blasphemers ! Here are the two best proofs of Ceiling Cat !

    Eeridoosibul Complexitee

    Der iz sum fings dat iz so complicatd dat dey had tu be creeatd, cuz if yu taeks wun pees off, dey not wurks anymoar. Liek, der iz teh sofa, an it iz gud fr sleeping. But if yu taeks teh pillow off, it not gud anymoar! Cleerly, teh sofa cood not evolv. LOLZ. If yu finks teh sofa evolvd, yu iz stoopid. we wearz nawchoes kaythnxbai

    Paffshcal’s Wayjjur

    Paffshcal wus clever kitteh hu wus laik: “I am not knoin if teh Ceiling Cat is reel.” Oh noes! But Paffshcal was thinkin an thinkin, an he wus laik “If I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be gettin cheezburger. But if I has no beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat, and he is reel, I will be getting pwned. If there no Ceiling Cat, no matter anywai. I think I is beleefin in teh Ceiling Cat.”