Jesus Christ, We Missed It!

Maybe they meant RAPture, and it was just hip-hop

The funny thing is that you’d think we would have read about it in the newspapers after it happened. It must have been like that last Indiana Jones movie. You wait for something your entire life, and when it finally happens, it turns out to be a major disappointment. Jesus was probably a feeble old codger who had none of the magic of his younger days.

13 Responses to “Jesus Christ, We Missed It!”

  1. Robert Madewell Says:

    There’s always some group out there that thinks they have broken the code somehow and have figured out the real date of Jesus’ return. They’ll still be doing it 1000 years from now, I’m sure.

  2. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Maybe it did happen, and all of these fundies have been “left behind”!

  3. Robert Madewell Says:

    Also, the rapture is supposed to be followed by seven years of bad luck a.k.a The Tribulation [insert sound effect thunder.wav here]. I guess we missed that too!

  4. Nobozo Says:

    Every generation since the third century has had some nut job who tells them “the end is near!” The wild-ass thing about it is that they’re always able to draw a crowd. No comment on the rationality of the people who join up with him. That would be cruel to the families of the Hale-Bopp group, presumably on the way to the promised land aboard the Hale-Bopp Comet Express to Eternity.

    Hey, since that “announcement” was from 1992, maybe there’s a new guy out there right now, taking reservations.

  5. J. A. Baker Says:

    Well, that’s one more date to add to the Apocalypse of the Week entry on TV Tropes.

  6. Aspentroll Says:

    Can’t wait for the Rapture to happen. Just think of all the nice houses, cars, money, food, left behind when the most righteous folk all go to heaven. What the fundies haven’t considered is that all the crooks, murderers even Pat Robertson and Jerry Fallwell will be there hogging all the clouds. Because they would have all got themselves right with God before they died. I think they call it being born again as a Christian. Frankly, I don’t think I’d want to be around that type of people for an eternity.

    But, all of the above doesn’t mean dick-shit if
    your an atheist.

  7. Lilith Says:

    Robert @ 3:

    I dunno, considering my last 7 years, I’m willing to believe I’ve suffered a personal Tribulation 😉

  8. I'd rather be fishin' Says:

    That was my favourite ST TOS episode: “The Trouble With Tribulations”.

  9. Emily Says:

    Exactly why I’m looking forward to January 2014. So I can laugh at the people who actually believe all this apocalyptic baloney.

  10. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Why didn’t I think of this?!

  11. Ron Britton Says:


    That is brilliant. It seems to me that if you believe in the Rapture, you’d have to sign up with that service. Otherwise, you’re admitting that you don’t expect the Rapture to actually happen.

  12. Joel Wheeler Says:

    LOL. I just last night finished reading “A History of the End of the World” by Jonathan Kirsch. I highly recommend it.

  13. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Ron – Maybe not for some. Remember, some fundies don’t believe animals have souls. So they might be quite content with their pets starving to death, locked in the abandoned house.

    Still, what an awesome way to make money! There’s something quite delicious about a non-believer being able to cash in on a death cult religion without having to pretend to be a believer.