Ten Telltale Signs of Republican Disease

Blessed are the Republicans, for they shall inherit the Earth

I’m still working between 50 & 60 hours a week (this better end soon!), so I’ve been having trouble finding time to write articles. To cope, I’ve been writing shorter articles or posting stuff I’ve found elsewhere. Today’s article is an example of the latter.

A couple of weeks ago, Another Steve sent me an article that he found at OpEdNews.com. That looks like a good progressive web site. It’s full of too many good articles to read. This particular article is called “Ten Telltale Signs of Republican Disease” by Bob Burnett. It begins:

A recent Daily Kos poll indicated 58 percent of Republicans either believe President Obama isn’t a US citizen or aren’t sure.

Does that mean that 42% of Republicans are sane? That’s higher than I thought. They aren’t as far gone as I had feared! That 42% needs to break off from the other 58%. Without a sliver of rationalism, the remaining crazies will spin off into oblivion.

Out here on the left coast, we don’t know many Republicans, so it’s hard for us to understand how they can be that stupid.

That’s true. I know very few Republicans. Of them, one stopped actually voting Republican during the Clinton years. Another one I managed to turn completely.

If I lived anywhere else in the country and were actually surrounded by them, I’d probably be insane by now. Maybe that’s why there are so many Republicans! They’re the Borg party. They absorb you as they spread. Resistance is futile!

There may be a medical explanation. Perhaps the Republican daily diet of whoppers has caused organic brain rot, a variant of mad cow disease. On the other hand, their failure to accept reality might be psychological, early onset dementia resulting from excessive exposure to Fox News and hate radio.

Whatever the source, Republican disease has readily identifiable symptoms. There are ten telltale signs, core Republican beliefs that cause rational Americans to conclude the person they see ranting on TV or disrupting town-hall meetings is pathological.

Burnett then describes the ten symptoms. I’ll just list them here. You should go read the article to see the full descriptions.

Ten Telltale Signs of Republican Disease:

  1. George W. Bush kept America safe
  2. History will vindicate Bush
  3. The recession wasn’t Bush’s fault
  4. America needs less government
  5. All taxes must be cut
  6. Barack Obama stole the 2008 election
  7. Obama’s economic stimulus package was a mistake
  8. There isn’t a healthcare crisis
  9. Obama has weakened our nation
  10. Obama is a racist

Lincoln wasn't the first Republican. God was!

8 Responses to “Ten Telltale Signs of Republican Disease”

  1. mu Says:

    Here’s some reading that might help sort out the Republican delusion problem, it is just simple authoritarianism and double-think:


  2. Ron Britton Says:


    I started to read that book a few months ago, but then I got distracted by something shiny. I hope to get back to it soon. It seems to be pretty accurate.

    But how does the desire for authoritarianism explain the crazy? The birthers, the racers, etc.?

  3. Brian Says:

    I have the misfortune to be represented in Congress by John Boener. The county in which I reside went 2-to-1 for McCain last November. My coworkers seem to be overwhelmingly Republican and proud of it. The same can be said for my family and my wife’s family. A pickup truck routinely parked on the street close to my house has a sticker on it that says “Fuck Your Gay Rights!” next to a Confederate flag sticker.

    I really don’t know how I’ve managed to escape this insanity, but I expect that 4 years of college and an early realization that I didn’t have to fear a non-existent deity had something to do with it. At any rate, Ron, I’d love to be in your shoes, surrounded by more enlightened people.

  4. arkonbey Says:

    We’re spoiled in Vermont. Our Republicans would be considered Blue Dog Democrats, if not regular Democrats in many other states; we did have Jim Jeffords after all.

    I’d suggest another few Signs of Republican Disease:

    11) Saying “they’re happy to have the work” when referring to people having to do jobs that you have never, nor would ever do for an amount of money you’d personally find insulting.

    12) Believing that all homeless people are alcoholics, drug addicts losers who won’t try.

    13) (how could you forget)Our nation was founded on Christian principles

    and number 4 needs an addendum: America needs less government, but we need to have constitutional amendments banning gay marriage and American flag burning.

  5. OtherRob Says:

    America needs less government, but we need to have constitutional amendments banning gay marriage and American flag burning.

    Man, that sort of hypocrisy bugs me. Yes, we need less government in our lives. When I say we need less government in our lives, I mean it. We do not need amendments that restrict the actions of consenting adults.

  6. Emily Says:

    A few years ago, I was dating this guy. Things were going great. But then, one day, he came down with Republican Disease. He had all the symptoms, but the first three in particular.

    You can imagine how things went from there.

  7. Parrotlover77 Says:

    OtherRob – I may have disagreed with you a lot in other threads, but holy fucking dogshit. I would pay good money to have a sane conservative opposition party that actually thinks along the lines of how you do. I’ve said the same thing to this libertarian dude at work. I can actually argue with you guys and not feeling like I’m talking to a brick wall. It’s refreshing.

  8. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Emily – I can relate. I stopped dating somone too because she was too conservative. I’m too damn political. I don’t know how the ultra-lefty + ultra-righty couples do it. It boggles my mind.