Astroboy

Which law of robotics is this?

The above image (minus my caption) comes to us from a recent Cracked article. One of my friends insisted that I let you guys try to come up with captions for it. You can see my first attempt, which I rather like.

Can you do better? Just leave your proposed caption in the comments. You also have the option of providing dialog for any of the three characters in the image. I’ll pick the best one (or more) in a few days. All you win is fame, but hey, some people sell their soul to the devil for fame. I’m giving it to you for free.

23 Responses to “Astroboy”

  1. Brian Says:

    Man: “Ahh! Now I am no longer confused! You have Ed Zachary disease! That is why Americans want you to speak at town hall!”

    AstroBoy: “But what is Ed Zachary disease?”

    Man: “Ahh, yes. That when things in your ass rook ed zachary rike things Rush Rimbaugh say on radio!”

    Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Try the veal! Remember to tip your blogger!

  2. Warren Says:

    See, I told you his time as an altar boy would loosen him up.

  3. Brian Says:

    I don’t know if switching over to Santorum lubricant was such a smart thing to do. The next thing you know he’ll be having robot-on-small appliance-sex with the Hoover.

  4. Eightfold Says:

    “Is this ‘hymen defender’ gel really necessary? Why can’t i just wear my ‘worth the wait’ wristband?”

  5. Jeff Eyges Says:

    I never really understood how Astroboy flew. I mean, his feet disappeared and little jets came out. They didn’t retract or anything. Also, how much fuel could he possibly have carried?

    These are the things that keep me up at night.

  6. Ron Britton Says:

    He also has something like a billion horsepower engine inside of him, numerous weapons and other gadgets. Amazing how it all fits.

  7. Jeff Eyges Says:

    So, the Japanese could do all that forty years ago, and we still don’t have flying cars?

    Amazing.

  8. Another Steve Says:

    If I remember correctly, in addition to many other gadgets as previously mentioned, he also had a pair of projectile weapons that would come out of ports in the cheeks of his ass.

  9. no2religion Says:

    “Now, Astro Boy be good and hold still for your atheist inoculation. It might hurt a little but the godless will never bother you after this.”

  10. Ron Britton Says:

    You mean this?

    ASS-troboy!

  11. OtherRob Says:

    “Looks like you’re about a quart low.”

  12. Another Steve Says:

    Ron:

    That’s what I remember.

    Gosh does this take me back though…

    I and many friends used to play a roll playing game called Superheros 2044. On one Saturday afternoon we decided we would “fix the game” a little bit. We took super hero characters and forced them to comply with rules of common sense. One of the young ladies had always liked Astro Boy. One of the characteristics the group agreed on was that Astro Boy had a stealth rating of something like -20. This was because every time he walked, he made that “inconspicuous” Vweep Voop Vweep Voop noise.

    When ever the party that got stuck with Astro Boy went anywhere they got the crap kicked/shot/blasted out of them because the only thing they could sneak up on was a battalion of deaf, jack-hammer wielding, idiots. Eventually, the other characters/players started to abuse the walking embarrassment. The end of Astro Boy was when a character with a high dexterity and an almost normal stealth rating stuck a limpet mine on his back… That left a mark.

    To my candidate caption:

    Ok Astro Boy, I’ve pretty much got your ass welded back on. Next time try not to piss people off so much.

  13. José Says:

    Asstroboy

  14. Robert Madewell Says:

    Woman: “Astroboy, you’ll like this oil. It is holy oil specially blessed by an Irish Catholic Priest.”

  15. OtherRob Says:

    I think José wins this one. :)

  16. Ron Britton Says:

    Except I already used it. Look at the file name of the comic book cover in comment #9.

  17. OtherRob Says:

    Oops. :)

  18. Another Steve Says:

    [Evidence of Another Steve's keyboard incompetence deleted]

  19. Another Steve Says:

    In the high tradition of “fundie science” since it has been PROVEN that José isn’t the winner, that means that I win!

    Notice how cleverly (just like “fundie science”) I have totally glossed over the facts that there are other contestants in this contest who’s entries are as good as and better than my own, that somehow I am the only one who wins without explanation.

    Ron: could you please delete comment 18. I bumped the “Enter” key and accidentally made two entries. Of course, this could also be like “fundie science”. Any evidence that contradicts my entry in the popularity contest of science isn’t the winner should be swept under the rug!

  20. José Says:

    Except I already used it. Look at the file name of the comic book cover in comment #9.

    Totally different spelling!

  21. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Japanese create teddy bear robot nurse

    I’m telling you – they aren’t being straight with us.

  22. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Really… The makers of a nurse robots have to be furries? Imagine the possibilities here and they choose a teddy bear.

  23. 4ndyman Says:

    Caption:
    Living in Sin as a Gay Man? Want to Go Down God’s Straight and Heterosexual Path?

    You CAN say goodbye to your homosexual ways with our patented “Gay-Be-Gone” two-step process.

    STEP 1: Fill your rectum with quick-drying cement.

    STEP 2: Pray! Pray! Pray!

    Astroboy speech bubble:
    “But how will I go to the bathroom?”
    Man speech bubble:
    “Defecation is an unnatural affront to God! From now on, the only things that go in your mouth are water and communion wine!”