Fundie Evolution Quiz

Hey, boys and girls! It’s quiz-time fun-time! I found a giant page of quizzes over at Christianet. They have one about that big old baddie, evolution. Let’s take it, shall we?

1. The Bible tells us that those who believe there is no Creator are fools.

I don’t see what this has to do with evolution. The Bible says lots of stupid things, so I’m going to guess true.

Let’s check their answer: True. Hey! I got one right! This is going to be easier than I thought.

Here’s their “explanation”:

Psalm 14:1 – The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

OK, but can we get to the evolution now?

2. The theory of evolution really exists to disprove that there is a God.

This one is clearly false. The theory of evolution says nothing about God.

Their answer: True. What? I got one wrong! Here’s their explanation:

2 Peter 2:1 – But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.

That’s a little obtuse. Something about false teachers. That’s the problem when you homeschool! It’s like that old lawyer’s saying: “The man who defends himself has a fool for a client.” If you fundies want your kids properly educated, you should send them to public school.

3. God declares that He created the earth and heavens by the work of His hands.

This one is also false. There is no credible evidence that God even exists, so he could not have said anything.

Their answer: True. Wrong again!

Isaiah 45:11-12 – Thus saith the Lord, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker, Ask me of things to come concerning my sons, and concerning the work of my hands command ye me. I have made the earth, and created man upon it: I, even my hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded.

God didn’t say that. The semi-literate schlub who wrote the Bible said it.

4. The Bible tells us to believe that the worlds were created from things that are not visible.

That sounds crazy enough to be something that’s in the Bible. I’ll say true.

Their answer: True. I got it right, but I’m a little confused. I thought this quiz was about evolution. Evolution is about the origin of species, not the origin of the Earth.

5. Evolution teaches that rain existed before man, and Scripture supports this theory.

I don’t remember anything specifically about rain in the theory of evolution, but it had to exist to make the world habitable. I don’t know what looney ideas the Bible has about rain, but I’ll just guess true for this one.

Their answer: False.

Genesis 2:5 – And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the Lord God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground.

What?! That’s just plain idiotic!

6. Dinosaurs are not mentioned in the Bible.

I actually know what their answer is, because I’ve heard other creationists say it. However, I am going to answer truthfully, not the way the want me to. My answer is true.

Their answer: False.

Job 40:15-18 – Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox. Lo now, his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly. He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his stones are wrapped together. His bones are as strong pieces of brass; his bones are like bars of iron.

That’s certainly a big beast, but I can’t tell from the description what the heck it is. You can wish it to be the description of a dinosaur, but you could also claim it describes something else. After all, the Bible is a collection of stories that were already ancient at the time they were written down. There were always tales of incredible beasts from faraway lands. Ancient mariners saw manatees and thought they were mermaids, so I’m not going to believe every last detail of some hearsay fantasy.

7. The Bible teaches that created things do not evolve, but that all things continue as from the beginning.

That sounds stupid enough to be in the Bible. I’ll say true.

Their answer: True.

2 Peter 3:4 – And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.

I may have gotten their question right, but the Bible is clearly wrong.

8. Gravity was created by God; He hung the earth upon nothing.

This one is clearly false. The Earth isn’t “hanging” on anything. Maybe the fundies who wrote this quiz could do us all a favor and hang from a tree limb, if you get my drift.

Their answer: True.

Job 26:7 – He stretcheth out the north over the empty place, and hangeth the earth upon nothing.

Well, they should stretcheth out the noose over the empty branch and hangeth their empty skulls above the Earth.

9. The sun and stars existed before the earth.

Easy! True. The Universe is somewhere in the neighborhood of 14 billion years old, but the Earth is a mere 4.5 billion.

Their answer: False. How could they botch something so simple?

Genesis 1:14-16 – And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so. And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

Oh, right. They’re idiots.

10. The Bible has no record of an anarchic man living in caves.

I’m starting to detect a trend here. The answer to every question is accompanied by a Bible quote. If the answer is true, there would be no quote. I’m going to say false, because I bet these idiots can pull a quote out of their ass about cavemen.

Their answer: False.

Job 30:3-8 – For want and famine they were solitary; fleeing into the wilderness in former time desolate and waste. Who cut up mallows by the bushes, and juniper roots for their meat. They were driven forth from among men, (they cried after them as after a thief;) To dwell in the clifts of the valleys, in caves of the earth, and in the rocks. Among the bushes they brayed; under the nettles they were gathered together. They were children of fools, yea, children of base men: they were viler than the earth.

See? Fundies never disappoint!

11. Man was created in the likeness of other creatures.

This one is false. We were not specifically created. We just evolved.

Their answer: False.

Genesis 1:16 – And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

Well they got the right answer, but for the wrong reason. BTW, what else would a “creeping thing” do but creepeth? Do fundies fall into this category? They sure creepeth me out!

12. The human race evolved from an ape-like creature.

True! Slam dunk!

Their answer: False.

Genesis 2:7 – And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

Umm, no.

13. Marine life gradually developed over time.

True! Slam dunk!

Their answer: False.

Genesis 1:21 – And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

These people are clearly confused.

14. Creation was a completed event.

This statement is nonsensical. The Universe wasn’t “created” per se (as in the product of a creator). I’ll have to answer this in the more general sense. The Universe is continuing to expand, and life on Earth continues to evolve. Therefore, my answer is false.

Their answer: True.

Genesis 2:1 – Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.

If they can show me that all species have stopped evolving, I’ll reconsider my answer.

15. Originally the earth was watered by a mist that rose from the ground.

False. I think as water formed in the atmosphere, it would have rained.

Their answer: True.

Genesis 2:6 – But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.

Cool! God uses drip irrigation!

16. God made every creature after its own kind.

False on two levels. God didn’t poof creatures into existence, and new species evolved out of old. Do two wrongs make a right?

Their answer: True.

Genesis 1:25 – And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

I guess they do.

17. Death did not occur until after Adam sinned.

Another meaningless statement. Adam did not exist. I’ll have to say false.

Their answer: True.

Romans 5:12 – Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin: and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:

I’m not sure I even follow that sentence.

18. The heavens, earth, and sea were all created in seven days.

False. Billions of years.

Their answer: False. Hey! Could it be that they’re actually using real data for their answer? Let’s look what they have to say:

Exodus 20:11 – For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

Wait! Wait! You’re going in the wrong direction! They’re saying it’s false, because the Earth was made in six days instead of seven? They’re off by so many orders of magnitude that I can’t even count that high.

19. Life is in blood bearing creatures, not plants.

Absolutely false. Plants are more full of life than Billy Graham’s wife.

Their answer: True.

Leviticus 17:11 – For the life of the flesh is in the blood: and I have given it to you upon the altar to make an atonement for your souls:

Well Leviticus also tells you to own slaves, so I wouldn’t put too much stock into what it says.

20. Plants wither and fade, but do not die.

Has to be false.

Their answer: True.

Jeremiah 12:4 – And the herbs of every field wither,

BFD! They whither. We knew that! You pinheads said they don’t die. Are you trying to tell me that after we grind and pulverize wheat to make flour and then bake it into bread, that it’s still alive? What is it, the great undead wheat stalk? All of the wheat cells that have been cast about creepeth back together like a dismembered vampire? Late at night, in stores all across the country, loaves of Wonder Bread creepeth off of their shelves and slowly maketh their wayeth toward the fields in Kansas whereth they were groweth? Once there, they will reassemble into reanimated wheat fields?

Give us this day, our daily bread.

I knew there was some scary stuff in the Bible, but I had no idea just how frightening it all is!

21. Different races evolved from different animal species.

False. Race is not a scientifically valid concept. Furthermore, all humans evolved from a common ancestor.

Their answer: False.

Genesis 11:9 – Therefore is the name Babel; because the Lord did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the Lord scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth.

This question doesn’t even make sense. Why did they ask it? Are they alleging that scientists claim that the so-called different “races” came from different animals? The fundie grasp of evolution is even more distorted than I thought.

22. The layers of rocks found in canyons prove that the canyons were formed over millions of years.

True. That one is a piece of cake (layer cake, that is!).

Their answer: False.

Genesis 8:3 – And the waters returned from off the earth continually: and after the end of the hundred and fifty days the waters were abated.

That quote says nothing about layers. There they go again, just making stuff up!

23. Life developed from non-life.

False. Life developed from plants, which are undead.

(Actually, the answer is true. Exactly how life started is the haziest part of our understanding of the development of life, but there are some excellent hypotheses supported by good data. This is a lot more than the fundies can offer.)

Their answer: False.

Genesis 1:12 – And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

Wow. The Earth brought forth grass and herb. I thought they were the same thing. That’s why the fundies flunked science. They spent their days smoking too much grass and herb.

24. There are evolution links between plants and animals.

Definitely true. All life is related, if you go back far enough. Why doesn’t this question include the other forms of life, such as bacteria and fungi? Oh, that’s right. Fundies are simpletons who believe in simple things, like race, talking snakes, and vampire bread.

Their answer: False.

Genesis 1:25 – And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

Repeating something a bunch of times doesn’t make it true.

Hey, look! We’ve finally come to the last question!

25. The fact that primates have similar body functions as humans means that man has ancestry to these animals.

The answer is false. Similar body structure is not proof of common ancestry. It could be an example of convergent evolution. The proof of common ancestry between humans and the other primates (fundies repeatedly act like humans aren’t primates) is in the fossil record, our common DNA, and various other evidence.

Their answer: False.

Genesis 1:26 – And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness:

They got the right answer, but for the wrong reason.

Now let’s see how well I did! According to their scoring system, I got 32%! Woohoo! A failing grade on a fundie evolution quiz is definitely a passing grade in my book!

9 Responses to “Fundie Evolution Quiz”

  1. Slag Says:

    Good post! I’ve just discovered your blog from the comments you posted in my group blog. I’ll keep reading.

    The quiz answer that struck me most was #2. Fundamentalists often quote the Bible entirely out of context, so it was no surprise that they did it again for this quiz. If you look at the full text of 2 Peter 2 (NIV), which I looked up from biblegateway.com, this is what it says:

    Their idea [the false prophets'] of pleasure is to carouse in broad daylight. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their pleasures while they feast with you. With eyes full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed—an accursed brood! They have left the straight way and wandered off to follow the way of Balaam son of Beor, who loved the wages of wickedness. But he was rebuked for his wrongdoing by a donkey—a beast without speech—who spoke with a man’s voice and restrained the prophet’s madness. (2 Peter 14-16)

    Clearly Peter is talking about a specific type of false prophet — those who believe that unrestrained pleasure is worshipping God. This was a movement in the early church, and it comes up again from time to time in church history. The passage is about a specific concept, which has nothing to do with evolution or anything related!

    Until the last hundred years or so, the Bible was always printed without verse numbers, to keep exactly this kind of thing from happening.

    Pointing out that creationist writers are taking the Bible out of context is a powerful argument for convincing fundamentalists to consider science as a valid viewpoint, which is a noble goal.

  2. James Collins Says:

    Make fun of the things of God while there is time. Very soon you will learn that the Bible has presented some very important prophecies for these last days. Already important things are happening at an ever increasing rate that demonstrates that the stage is almost set.

    America will combine with a Religious body, in an attempt the ‘fix’ all the problems of the world. This religious-political regime will insist on total obedience, they will claim that it is the only way to keep humanity on the right track. They will have a counterfeit version of the 10 commandments, and everyone will be forced to obey them.

    However, a few Christians will refuse to keep their fake commandments and declare that they will obey the 10 Commandments of God only. These Christians are said to have, “the seal of God in their forehead” See Revelation. All the rest of humanity will promise obedience to the regime and their false commandments, the Bible says that they have the Mark of the Beast.

    Not very long after this combined world power is in operation, the whole world will become a horrible place to live. There will be a time of trouble much worse than ever before. The other problems will be like a picknick in comparison to the trouble of the last days.

    There you have it, history, before it happens. Don’t wait till you see all this take place to get yourselves right with God, It would probably be too late then.

  3. Ron Britton Says:

    America will combine with a Religious body, in an attempt [to] ‘fix’ all the problems of the world. This religious-political regime will insist on total obedience, they will claim that it is the only way to keep humanity on the right track.

    You are absolutely correct. Preventing that from happening is what this blog is about. The merger with the religious body is almost complete. It’s called evangelical Christianity.

  4. Andrew Says:

    James Collins: Are your for real? Watch out for the black helicopters!

    I do like the idea of creeping undead cereals though :-)

  5. James Collins Says:

    Ron Brittion is only partially right. The religious body is NOT the evangelicals, but another religion. IF you read my posts and are alive at that time, you will realize who is the bad guys of the last days. Caution: It will not be easy to recognize who are the good guys and who are the bad guys if you haven’t THOROUGHLY studied the events of the last days in your Bible.

    Andrew, I am really real, and you too will recognize the final events of the world, IF you have read and understand what I wrote in my first post. Hopefully you will not wait until it is too late, to learn how to escape the ETERNALLY deadly trap that Satan is craftly setting in place.

  6. Laika Says:

    Looks like you found a gold mine with that quiz page. Am I the only one who can’t find the connection between #23 and the bible quote they cite for it?

    As for #20, here’s the entire verse (using the New International Version rather than the King James version), if it helps:

    How long will the land lie parched
    and the grass in every field be withered?
    Because those who live in it are wicked,
    the animals and birds have perished.
    Moreover, the people are saying,
    “He will not see what happens to us.”

    I’m guessing that these fundies are presuming that grass doesn’t die since the animals die while the grass only withers. Then again, the fundies may also be thinking that since, according to them, plants don’t live, they don’t die. Maybe it’s better not to try to understand fundie logic. That verse is out of context (what a suprise), anyhow, since the entire chapter has little to do with either death or evolution.

    James Collins: Let me guess. The “bad guys” are the Catholics. Also, why is it either obey the “real” ten commandments or obey the counterfeit ones? What would happen if I were to refuse both? Where is America mentioned in the Bible? How on earth are you defining “Christian”, anyhow? Why do you presume the Bible and your interpretation of it are both accurate?

  7. Brian Says:

    James Collins Says:

    Not very long after this combined world power is in operation, the whole world will become a horrible place to live. There will be a time of trouble much worse than ever before. The other problems will be like a picknick in comparison to the trouble of the last days.

    This is what you get when a couple morons like Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins are set loose with a typewriter. My two year old could pound out more coherent stories.

  8. Brian Says:

    Oops. Hit “enter” too early. To continue:

    Actually, Mr. Collins, thanks to people like yourself who think their imaginary friend is better that anyone else’s imaginary friend, many parts of this world are already horrible places to live. Granted, my life is no “picknick”, but I could have it a lot worse than I do. I could live in a third-world shithole where religious maniacs routinely use power drills on each others’ skulls, or where young girls have part of their genitalia removed against their will as part of some sick belief system. Fortunately, though, I live in America, and I happen to love it. What really poops in my soup, however, is this fanatical Christian zealotry you and your bretheren feel necessary to impose on those of us with the wit to reject it. If you wish to believe that Jesus is about to come back to earth as an avenging superhero, and that I’ll soon be realizing I’m wrong, fine with me. Go ahead and feel smug. All we ask for is that you keep your insanity to yourself. If we’re wrong, well, won’t you be the one laughing up in heaven next to Jesus! That is, if your idea of heaven is an eternal state of celestial dictatorship, where you are bound to worship without end, and no thought is yours alone. At least in Hell the company would be far more interesting.

  9. StoneGiant Says:

    James (Collins), the bible is a poem my friend, don’t concretize it, it just loses all its power and worth if you do.