Keep Your Slimy Paws off Family Guy!

I’ve always loved the sweet irony of the Family Guy theme song:

It seems today that all you see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV.
But where are those good old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely?
Lucky there’s a Family Guy…

Of course, Family Guy is one of the biggest equal-opportunity offenders on television. They’ve made fun of everybody, and the show has never displayed “those good old-fashioned values.” Maybe that’s why it’s so funny.

You might remember our good friend Bill Johnson (I wonder if good ol’ BJ drives a Hummer. And does a fundie’s tongue burst into flames if he asks for one? “No! I meant the SUV!”) of the so-called American Decency Association. He’s not satisfied that his minions have successfully stifled your freedom to choose whether to watch The Book of Daniel. Now he has decided that you can’t be allowed to watch The O.C., Grey’s Anatomy, The War at Home (but I suspect the war in Iraq has his blessing), Family Guy, and other shows that he personally has decided are “culture rotting.”

He has infected my inbox with his own rot, a letter he wants me to send to H&R Block. Block, it seems, aired one commercial on the premiere episode of Daniel. They didn’t even pay for the airtime. It was a “make-good”, or a free spot that NBC gave them to make up for a problem with an earlier ad. Nevertheless, Block caved to the pressure and made sure their commercials didn’t appear again on that show. That’s not good enough for Mr. Johnson. He’s mad that H&R Block accepted free airtime! Block got another “rise out of Johnson” by advertising on the other shows named above.

This email goes on to tell me that I can’t watch Family Guy. Here’s his complete report:

Fox’s “Family Guy” for Sunday, January 29, 2006:

Peter receives an invitation to his 25th High School Reunion. He tells Lois that he doesn’t want to go because Sunday is his Internet Porn night – the next scene you see Peter in a room full of people using the computers and he is seated at one of the computers naked and saying “Oh yeah you’re my Chinese Lois.[”]

They have Tom over for supper and Meg accidentally spills on him. Lois tells him that he should take a shower. He says that he is fine, so Lois spills more on him. While Tom is in the shower, Lois and Meg go to Stuey’s bedroom because it is beside the bathroom. Lois drills a hole in the wall to watch Tom take a shower. Meg tries to push her mom out of the way telling her that she wants to see.

I should point out that the character’s name is “Stewie,” not “Stuey,” which shows how little fundies care about accuracy. Also, the “room full of people using the computers” had a giant sign with the words “Internet cafe,” which shows how carefully they watch things. Maybe they thought that if they watched the show too closely, it would turn them away from The Lord. I bet they thought that the only way to safely view the show was by bouncing it off of a mirror, like they were looking at Medusa. In that case, we can forgive them for thinking that “efac tenretnI” was some sort of Satanic prayer.

Nevertheless, I have to object to their objection. The above summary does not sound bad at all, at least to me. I fail to see how any of that rots the brain or corrupts morals. The show doesn’t advocate Internet porn, because the Internet cafe scene shows how maladapted Peter’s behavior is. Isn’t that what the fundies want? Consequences for anti-social behavior.

Presumably the rest of that episode was OK, since they didn’t mention anything else. Well, let’s look at what else was on that episode. How about the several savage beatings that Stewie inflicted upon Brian? (Numerous blows with blunt objects, multiple gunshots, attempted drowning, and burning him alive with a flamethrower.) These were excessively violent even by my jaded standards (the fact that they were excessively funny is a separate issue). Maybe the beatings were OK, because Brian is a dog and animals don’t have souls. But what about Brian’s eventual revenge upon baby Stewie? (He threw him in front of a bus!) Sounds like child abuse to me. Oh, wait! That’s just corporal punishment and a guilty person not getting away with sin. (See? Stewie’s anti-social behavior had consequences! Lesson learned!)

This is so typical of fundies. They are so sexually repressed that anything that even hints of the dirty deed scares them. What if they see something “naughty” (like an ankle), and they enjoy it? Eternal damnation is guaranteed!

Yet somehow violence doesn’t bother them. The Passion of the Christ was one of the most violent films ever made, and they loved it. Violence is fundie porn. When normal people watch porn, the fantasize that they are the participants. Violence serves this purpose for fundies. When they watch Stewie beat Brian, they fantasize that they are Stewie, and Brian is a homosexual.

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