Big Valley Creation Science Museum—The Video
Another one of those retarded creationist museums is opening tomorrow. This one is in Alberta. I guess the United States is having such a rapturous orgasm of creationism that we ejaculated some fundies into Canada.
The Big Valley Creation Science Museum has a promotional video on their web site. I thought it would be fun to take a look at that. (If I have time in the next few days, I’ll write a post about their web site. It has a few laughs on it as well.)
The video starts off with “In the Beginning… was DARWIN”:
It then spends some time trying to discredit him. Nothing new here. Here are a couple of interesting claims, though:
“He was a trained theologian, not a scientist…” So what? Are they saying that people are only good for one thing? If you’re a theologian, you can’t do anything else? If you’re a mechanic, all you are capable of is fixing cars? If you’re a woman, you’re only good for making babies? Oh wait. I guess that is consistent with their beliefs.
If evolution was proposed by a non-scientist, that means it’s bogus? Well just about everybody who has worked on evolution since then has been a scientist, so I’d say that pretty much solidifies its credibility.
“…and science became his greatest adversary and judge.” I have no idea what that means, because science has proven almost everything he said. This must be a mistake. They must have combined two slides. The first was about Darwin, and the second was about Bishop Ussher.
Next comes a showy computer graphic:
OOO! AHHH! Seeing the Earth there with our big sun shining down upon us fills me with the spirit of the LAWD! Hallelu— whoops! It just passed.
Umm, guys? That’s not Alberta. It’s Africa. I know they both begin with “A”, but — Oh wait. It’s a rotating globe. They had me worried for a moment. I know fundies are stupid, but I didn’t think they were that stupid.
Wow! Now I’m getting excited! A sleeping giant! This is big news! It’s… It’s…
WTF? What kind of sleeping giant is that? It’s a God-damned 600-square-foot house, for Christ’s sake!
Well, let’s go inside:
Oh yes, I see the evidence! This dinosaur has massive, razor-sharp teeth, which it evolved for the sole purpose of tearing flesh. That’s funny. I thought this was supposed to be a creationism museum.
This next shot claims to be challenging evolution:
All it does is prove evolution to me. Here is that fossil’s modern-day descendent:
As you can see, the vestigial wings eventually evolved away. (For you young-uns out there, that’s Jane Fonda giving the Black Power salute in her mug shot. She was arrested in 1970 for pissing off conservatives.)
Now we’re treated to single words appearing on screen and then creeping toward us like the unsettling realization that we’re actually wasting ten valuable minutes of our life watching a creationist propaganda film. We see:
It hasn’t, but they’re hoping you’ll be stupid enough to believe them.
By the way, you can see the reflection of several overhead lights and a window in this photo. This is a first class outfit. They spared no expense making a first-rate video.
Then comes a series of shots of alternately boring and tacky displays. The text is “Come see the scientific evidence that other museums don’t want you to see…”
That’s because other museums are in the business of displaying facts.
This is a model of a bacterium’s flagellum. Somehow this proves that God exists. Just because the fundies lack the brainpower to see how this could evolve, it doesn’t prove that God made it.
This electric motor bears a passing resemblance to the flagellum. The motor was designed; therefore, the bacterium was designed! Isn’t life grand when you don’t need to go beyond simplistic comparisons?
This next shot is the old creationist claim that species can’t gain genetic information over generations. It’s another fundie lie. But look at the picture:
That’s the reflection of the photographer’s hand and camera. Sheesh! Amateurs!
Then there’s some more drivel. Then the wrap-up. In sales, this is called the “closer”. In fundie-ville, it’s called the “mind-closer”:
There was information, but the fundies were too stupid to see it.
And concepts like evolution were too complicated to be understood by the retarded.
But it looked nothing like the life of today, for it had not yet evolved.
The next image says “In the beginning, there was…”
This image is accompanied by a bunch of fake stars shooting toward the viewer. I guess God is in his star cruiser and is lobbing photon torpedoes at us.
Oh, please! Do us all a favor and stay closed!