Music from Hell

(Attention: If you are reading via an RSS reader, you will probably need to visit my web site to be able to play the MP3s. Make sure you have a recent Flash plug-in for your browser.)

I came across the website of Miqel, which has a lot of weird stuff. I grabbed a few images that I might post later. One of Miqel’s hobbies is collecting weird record albums from days gone by. He posted a few MP3s, but for most, we can only look at the cover artwork and wonder.

Religious Albums with MP3s

Charlie the Hamster Sings Bible Stories (for Boys and Girls!)

This album is a cheap religious knock-off of Alvin and the Chipmunks. I guess “thou shalt not steal” is not one of the Ten Commandments. We’re lucky, though. Miqel was thoughtful enough to provide MP3s of two of the songs!

“Enjoy” the first song about Noah!

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

Don’t you love how Charlie the Maniacal Hamster laughs right after saying how everybody is going to die? Here’s what happened after the flood!

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

This next one isn’t religious at all. It’s just that since we’re on a chipmunk thing, I thought I’d present this horrible piece of crap:

All Ears

It’s a record produced by Radio Shack, presumably in the late 1970s, to promote their Realistic brand CB Radios. This song is apparently about a squirrel driving an 18-wheeler. Enjoy!

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

As Miqel describes this one:

OUCH. I DARE anyone to download & listen to this track 5 times in a row. It is practically impossible. Try it. I dare you. A horrible chipmunk voice song that is suitable for sound torture.

Suitable, yes, but it violates the Geneva Convention!

Future Stars

This next album isn’t religious per se. The clip I have for you does mention God, so that’s close enough for this blog. Just try to listen to this one all the way through!

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

Yes, you read the album title correctly, Future Stars. That would imply that these kids had talent and were just about to make it big. Believe it or not, that clip is actually the better of the two that Miqel provides on his website. I decided to spare you from “King of the Road” as sung by a 3-year-old.

Religious Albums without MP3s

Here are a few that I do not have clips from, but they’re directly relevant to this site. First, here’s our good friends Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye!

Jim Bakker

Tammy Faye

Here’s a weird one. I wonder if it’s as bad as it looks. I think the “Jim and Tammy” mentioned on the cover are not the same as our two friends above. (Update, 7/24/07: I just found out that this is Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. They got their start on a puppet show!)

Building on the Rock (with Jim, Tammy, and their friends!)

Well this is exciting. Gay and straight together in musical and social harmony!

Gay and Straight Together

Here’s a typical fundie record. Always trying to control us with fear:

The Depravity of Man

I don’t know if this one is religious, but it’s on a subject that always gets the fundies riled:

Sex for Children. I mean Sex EXPLAINED for Children.

Here’s an album from pyramid marketer Amway. I’m putting it in this category, because Amway is run by fundies and is accused of cult-like behavior.

Amway presents: Sing Out for Free Enterprise

Finally, I don’t have any information on this last one. I don’t think it’s a doctored photo, but who can tell these days?

Religion for the Retarded?

Non-Religious with MP3s

I try not to deviate from the focus of this website too often, but we’re having so much fun, why stop now? Here are a few non-religious albums that Miqel has on his site.

Eli Kaniel Sings for You

This one is almost good. Miqel describes this one as:

Yiddish crooner renders ancient and modern hits in a goofy but disarming way.

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

Next is an album only the parents would buy:

Whitten Junior High Stage Band 1978

I think every school band cuts a record (now they’re CDs or DVDs) and sells 20 copies. Enjoy this well-known disco hit:

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

I love weird stuff. Here’s the soundtrack to a filmstrip about life insurance:

Family Security

Here’s part of their sales pitch (remember to advance the filmstrip every time you hear the beep!):

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

Non-Religious without MP3s

Finally, I felt compelled to include these last two, for personal reasons. Imagine my barely-perceptible surprise when I saw these two albums on Miqel’s site:

We Came in Peace for All Mankind

I have a book with almost this exact same title. I don’t know if they’re related. The book was a giveaway from Gulf gas stations in 1969 or 1970.

Moon Voyage

I have this record! I somehow managed to lose the sleeve, so I don’t know if it’s exactly the same. I didn’t think I owned any records odd enough to show up on somebody’s weird list.

William Shatner!!

If you’ve managed to read this far, you should be rewarded. Only one thing could possibly make up for what I’ve subjected you to. That’s right! William Shatner!!

Buy from Amazon

Here’s his rendition of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”. Don’t say I never did anything nice for you guys. (Thanks to Kevin from The Frat Pack Tribute for his help in obtaining this special treat.)

You need a Flash plug-in to hear this!

This is actually an abridged version, because I don’t want to kill my bandwidth. The full version, at a much higher audio quality (plus lots of other gems), is available on the original CD.

7 Responses to “Music from Hell”

  1. Parrotlover77 Says:

    I wish I could hear it all, but the mp3 player does not appear to be working on this page… :-(

  2. Ron Britton Says:

    Does it work on the other pages? Click on the Audio category, and check the others. As far as I know, I’m using the same code for all of them.

    Is anyone else having trouble with some pages but not others? I’ve tested several browsers. If anything is broken, let me know and I’ll try to figure it out tonight.

  3. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Turns out audio is working nowhere! I get the constant “loading” icon in the tab bar, but nothing comes up (where the little mp3 player would be is just empty). I know it’s worked on other days, so maybe it’s just a fluke today. If it’s working for you, it’s probably just my internet connection here.

  4. Mark B. Says:

    I couldn’t help it. Xenu made me do it. Help me. Please. Give me bad acid. Make me mainline PCP and snort that shit that collects on car battery terminals. Anything to stop the sound of ALL OF THEM PLAYING AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!

  5. Ron Britton Says:

    Hey, that’s pretty trippy! Everybody should try that!

  6. Kevin Says:

    argh! stuck! in! head!

    curse you! curse you!!!

  7. Ron Britton Says:

    Then quick! Go to this article and play the cleansing tone at the bottom!