OneNewsNow Quickies

Michael Jackson greets a fan

“Hey, kid, wanna touch my baguette?”

Let’s take a fast run through a few articles at OneNeuronNow.

I actually agree with most of this first article, “Michael Jackson—The American Equivalent of ‘Lady Di’”. I wouldn’t even mention it, but it allows me to shoehorn in the above picture. (At least I know I’m sleazy!)

The article is mostly about how the media spent way too much time covering Michael Jackson’s death, and almost no time covering important issues. Of course OneNeuronNow is incapable of covering a news item themselves without squeezing Jesus into it. For no good reason, the article includes this:

Meanwhile, the sister of Christian singer Andrae Crouch says they prayed with Jackson three weeks before he died last Thursday, but it wasn’t a prayer to receive Jesus Christ as savior.

It also says:

Jackson was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, dabbled in other religions, and reportedly converted to Islam in 2008. In a recent interview with AP, Jermaine Jackson—Michael’s brother—referred to Michael as “a gift from Allah.”

There seems to be some truth to the Islam claim. Amazing how ONN had to include that. Now all of that media coverage is even more offensive. OH NOES!! THEY’RE SAYING GOOD THINGS ABOUT A MOOSLIM!

The next article screams “Expect ‘Rationing’ from Obama’s Healthcare Reform”.

Yes. I’m sure the 46 million Americans don’t have any health coverage today will be quite upset when they discover that the government won’t pay for their LASIK eye surgery.

Another article, “NEA to Consider Full Support of Homosexual ‘Marriage’” contains this unfortunate Freudian slip:

And then there is one little bullet about [how] they will recognize that marriage has a religious connotation…

The scary reality is that fundies have a lot more than one bullet for their opponents.

In “Prop. 8 Still Getting Hit with Lawsuits”:

The latest is a class-action lawsuit in state court claiming a constitutional right to homosexual “marriage.” Mat Staver of Liberty Counsel has fought the litigation successfully for five years.

Yes. It’s called the 14th amendment. Get over it.

“That’s why [the activists] resorted to the courts. That’s the only possible recourse they have—and of course, the courts are not the place to litigate this.”

Where else does litigation occur? Under a bridge? Besides, the courts are the only place you can protect the minority from the majority.

I have an idea. Let’s put an initiative on the ballot to ban Mormonism. Most Christians don’t like Mormonism, so they’d be compelled by conscience to vote for it. Then we can go after Catholics. They’re in the minority, so it’s OK to take away their rights. Then we’ll ban Pentecostalism. It’s perfectly fine to take away the rights of any group you disagree with, as long as they’re not the majority.

Isn’t it?

7 Responses to “OneNewsNow Quickies”

  1. Robert Madewell Says:

    I love OneNewsNever! Great inspiration for blog articles.

  2. Lindsay Says:

    I get their daily alerts (or twice/three times daily depending on how “outraged” they are feeling). Half the time the title is enough alone to make me laugh. Lately they have been hugely concerned about Pepsi supporting “teh gheys.”

    There was a recent article on how a school was forcing children to march in Chicago’s Pride Parade and the comments were a hoot. Apparently the fundies think that that all the parade floats are of men fucking and teh children were in danger.

    Like I say with fundies, when they accuse certain events/pictures of being “immoral” it is really they who have the runaway imaginations. At least Chicago’s Pride Parade is relatively tame and the real partying doesn’t start until much later…long after the kids are done marching and are back in bed.

  3. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Where else does litigation occur? Under a bridge?

    Heh! Troll litigation!

  4. Robert Madewell Says:

    Hey Bay of Fundie,

    Do you get the AFA ActionAlerts too?

  5. J. A. Baker Says:

    Where else does litigation occur? Under a bridge?

    I think the morons at ONN would prefer that litigation occur in airport bathrooms…

  6. sue blue Says:

    ONN – because a fact-free diet is essential in the fight against reality. People indulging in reality are more likely to have other long-term mental health(y) issues such as high intelligence quotients, a need for evidence-based beliefs, and an increased ability to read, spell, and use proper punctuation. Get your news from ONN and get fact-free today!

  7. Ron Britton Says:


    Do you get the AFA ActionAlerts too?

    I didn’t actually sign up for them. AFA owns ONN, so since I subscribed to the daily ONN alerts, I get the AFA alerts too. I also get other spam from them.

    I don’t think I’ve based an article on anything in an AFA alert in quite a while. Donald Wildmon always has his sphincter sealed tight about something. He’s somehow quite tiring to read. It’s weird how some fundies are hard to take and others, who hold equally crazy beliefs, are funnier to read.

    Maybe I’ll start taking a closer look at Wildmon again.