Kangaroos: Jumping to the Wrong Conclusions with Conservapedia
Conservapedia is a fun site to cruise around. It’s like the Weekly World News. It’s so crazy that you can’t imagine anybody taking it seriously. I doubt that anybody believes the WWN, but the scary thing is that some people actually believe Conservapedia.
If you don’t laugh you’ll cry, so let’s laugh a little at the Conservapedia article on kangaroos. (You might want to read my prior article on fundie taxonomy, if you haven’t yet. It explains how fundies have their own classification scheme, “baramins”, instead of using the evil taxonomy created by those atheistic, puppy-killing, baby-raping evolutionists.)
Kangaroos are the largest Marsupials alive today. They are now native to the continent of Australia. There are four sub-kinds in the kangaroo baramin…
“Now native”? How about always native? (More on this below, or should I say “moron this below”?) Then they tell us there are four “sub-kinds”. That’s about as scientific as they get, folks.
…or at least sixty-nine species according to evolutionary views, which include wallabies and tree-kangaroos.
I’m kind of surprised they even mention the evolutionary perspective. Maybe that’s so they can discredit it with their Bible. I mean who are you going to believe? Omniscient, Almighty God or some clown with a PhD?
I’m sure you’re aware that scientists use Latin names (binomial nomenclature) for all species. One reason for this is to help them classify the species within the larger context of evolution. The other reason is so they can know which species other scientists are talking about. Common names for plants and animals vary widely throughout the world. For example, the American bison (Bison bison) is more commonly known as a buffalo. True buffaloes are native (excuse me, “now native”) to Africa (Syncerus caffer) and Asia (Bubalus bubalis). If two scientists start talking about “buffaloes”, how can they be sure that they’re talking about the same thing? Hence, binomial nomenclature.
This raises the interesting question of how creationists handle this problem. I don’t know what they do. Maybe they don’t have this problem, because there is no such thing as a fundie scientist.
Here’s the funny part. If you look at the alternate text description (in the HTML) for the image of the Eastern Grey Kangaroo on the Conservapedia page, it lists the kangaroo’s scientific name, Macropus giganteus! They aren’t even using their own system!
Like all Marsupials, female kangaroos have a pouch on their stomachs in which they carry their young.
Really? Attached to the stomach, you say? Wouldn’t the joey suffocate, being inside its mother’s abdomen like that? This is typical of the accurate descriptions that Conservapedia is known for.
The newborn joey weighs as little as .03 ounces when first born, after which it crawls into its mothers pouch…
Note the blind adherence to the U.S. customary system of measurement, even though it’s impractical in this situation. Conservapedia doesn’t want to be anything like Wikipedia, which uses the evil (read non-American) metric system. Conservapedia sticks to good-enough-for-my-great-great-grandfather pounds and ounces, just like they stick to 3000-year-old fairy stories to explain the origins of the Universe. The fact that something better has come along in both cases is irrelevant. “Conservative” apparently doesn’t mean “resistant to change”; it means “rabidly afraid of change”.
The other thing to notice about the quoted sentence is that “mothers” is spelled without an apostrophe. That error is repeated throughout the article. The content reads like it was written by a second grader. The spelling is proof.
Kangaroos have adapted to the varied conditions across Australia in many ways.
Sounds like evolution to me!
The tiny newly born kangaroo (less than 25 mm long)…
Whoops! How did millimeters slip in here? This is especially surprising, considering that 25 mm is almost exactly one inch. It would have been easy to make the substitution.
…moves unaided into its mother’s pouch and attaches itself to one of four teats.
Wow! I can’t believe a fundie was able to build up enough courage to use the word “teat”! Careful there! The next thing you know, you’ll be reading Playboy and raping women!
…but as it matures and begins to grow hair it also develops the ability to release and reattach itself to the teat.
When most guys mature and begin to grow hair, they develop the ability to grab teats. I thought we were supposed to be talking about kangaroos here.
Consistent with their view that the fossil record as a whole does not support the evolutionary position, creationists state that there is a lack of transitional fossils showing an evolutionary origin of kangaroos.
Just keep this sentence in mind for later.
According to the origins theory model used by creation scientists…
Two mistakes here:
1. Origins “theory” isn’t a theory, because it isn’t accepted by scientists.
2. Creation “scientists” are anything but scientists.
…modern kangaroos are the descendants of the two founding members of the modern kangaroo baramin that were taken aboard Noah’s Ark prior to the Great Flood.
Holy crap! You’ve got to be frakking kidding me!
After the Flood, these kangaroos bred from the Ark passengers migrated to Australia.
They must have left immediately for Australia, because there are no kangaroos living in the Middle East! In fact, they must have made it to Australia in record time, because there are no kangaroos anywhere between Mount Ararat and Australia. What did they do? Hop a Qantas flight?
The idea that God simply generated kangaroos into existence there is considered by most creation researchers to be contra-Biblical.
Well, if it’s not in the Bible, it couldn’t have happened, even if God did it! Sorry, God. You’ve been rejected. If it’s not in the Bible, you didn’t do it!
Remember above when it said that creationists do not accept evolution of kangaroos, because of the “lack of transitional fossils”? Yet they claim that kangaroos hopped off the boat on Mount Ararat and somehow managed to migrate thousands of miles to Australia without leaving one single fossil behind?
There are fossils that show the evolution of kangaroos. There are no fossils that show that kangaroos ever inhabited the Middle East. Who are you going to believe? Omniscient, Almighty God (for which there is also no proof) or some clown with a PhD (and mountains of evidence)?
August 1st, 2007 at 2:58 am
wow. you are really quite the stupid idiot. stop wasting your time critisizing dunces and find something better to do. honestly.
August 27th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is priceless his face is so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol
November 27th, 2007 at 6:31 am
Actually, most of us enjoy the site — and just to reply in the same tone:
sopfkpoksdf — you’re a fucking cock.
April 26th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Agreed, Doug!!
This site keeps me sane… I live in NC – and I’ve got a welt from the bible belt!
Sopfkposdf – can piss off (hahaha – get it? The cock is pissing off!)
:0)
April 27th, 2008 at 8:59 am
I’m in NC too, JBunny. I’m in the RTP area, so I don’t run into many bible belters. I’m hoping we can take the state over eventually since there is an abundance of brains in the triangle to counteract the bumpkins out in the stix.
April 27th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Wow…they even fail at basic writing XD But still..this is supposed to be a science article, right? So…
WHERE DID ALL THE SCIENCE GO?
Why into the real scientist’s evidence-based peer-reviewed studies! (Yes, vair bad joke there…but I doubt anyone will recognize the reference)
January 8th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
i think this is funny but racist i mean not all white people are like that just bad ones and the abusive cruel ones so thats my comment peace out
February 21st, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Love it! What fun?
Does it really matter what anyone believes?
While I was wandering around the Lake Mungo region, there is a great display at the shearing shed on Mungo Station by NPWS. There is a large woolly wombat, a huge kangaroo all really oversized and models are made from the remains of giant bones found in the dunes of Lake Mungo, ancient lake dried up some 30,000 years ago. It’s a wonderful display and shows the ancestors of these rather small animals by comparison of today.
But does it matter? Let people believe what they want, we came from space, we came from God, we came from seeds dropped on a bar room floor that grew in stale beer, whatever……
what is important, is we are here today with all of our funny beliefs and we should love and care for each other anyway……just have a laugh I say…….
February 21st, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Joy:
The problem occurs when they try to teach their funny beliefs in the schools or even outside the schools. The Discovery Institute has done such a good job miseducating the populace about evolution that most people today think that evolution has been disproven.
February 22nd, 2009 at 7:43 am
I know it seems all warm and fuzzy to say “live and let live” when it comes to letting people believe what they want to believe. But where does it end? It starts at the large hard to answer questions, such as “where did we come from?” But it ends at things like “zomg! don’t give me somebody else’s blood, it’s worse than death!” There’s a point where superstition can be damaging. And that’s why, as Ron pointed out, we need to prevent mythology from being taught in schools as fact.
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:16 am
Joy, I’ll add that, while it may be different in Australia (as, I understand, it is in Europe), over here, the people who push creationism are the same ones who are attempting to commandeer absolutely every aspect of American culture and society. They genuinely believe this ought to be the United States of Jesus – and when they’ve accomplished that here, they’ll be coming for you.
Also, I’m sick to death of being told I’m going to burn in a lake of fire for all of eternity. I am 52 years old, and I’ve seen it do nothing but get worse in my lifetime. Fuck them.
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:45 am
Their true colors are showing. Remember when we all hated the Taliban because they are backwards fundamentalist bastards? And remember how Christians were asserting the “we’re like totally superior because we don’t suicide bomb” line? Yea, good times.
Except now some extreme christian fundies (and less fundie, but no less extreme) conservatives are actually coming out and saying they need to model their battle to get power back after those extremist islamic groups.
Take that type of extremist speech, pound it into an abortion clinic bomber’s head, and poof! You now have Taliban in America. Thanks, Fundies!
Let’s hope it doesn’t get that far.
August 7th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
It makes me really happy when i hear from other non-religious people. Thanks guys.
August 10th, 2009 at 2:23 am
“There are fossils that show the evolution of kangaroos. There are no fossils that show that kangaroos ever inhabited the Middle East.” Now that’s because “creation scientists” like Kent Hovind have done a very thorough study showing that kangaroos hopped really fast from mount Ararat and used land-bridges to go to Australia, bringing with them the entire Australia fauna in their little pouches.
Ain’t that cute ?
It’s mostly to answer to the old “ahahah, Noah for real ?! So how did do with the kangaroo, went all the way to australia just for it? LOL!”
Don’t tell the fundies but there are also distinct faunas to account for in many other places, including small island.. but shhhhh…
Love this site.
February 15th, 2010 at 8:24 am
wow this shit is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 2nd, 2010 at 5:40 pm
I do not believe that science disproves God in anyway. I do, however, think that alot of time people of the “Christian” faith sometimes falter in the way they express themselves and debate topics like evolution. Many of the people you and I come in contact with are often uneducated and for a more honest word, ignorant. I believe in evolution to a certain extent but I do not believe I came from an ape. However, The man that exist today is certainly not the man that existed two thousand years ago. I will tell you that I am in fact a Christian and one who believes in every piece of the bible. Therefore I feel that if my God exist and is everything he claims to be he could not only have created the world but also one with evolution. I’m not condemming anyone or saying you will burn in hell. I am merely a man of faith saying challenge my God and if he’s what he says he is he’ll show you an answer. There is nothing wrong with asking a question but there is something wrong with not looking for the answers.
March 3rd, 2010 at 5:12 am
Couldn’t agree more, Wade. You do realize that this statement undermines your whole ‘argument’, don’t you?
March 3rd, 2010 at 6:34 am
Wade, what about all those who’ve done just that, and walked away empty-handed? I’m not talking about not getting what one wants; I mean those who’ve asked God to reveal himself in a way they could understand, and who haven’t received an answer. Of course, I suppose you’ll tell us he always answers, but often we don’t see it because we’re looking for the answer we want, rather than the one we need, or some such rationalization.
March 3rd, 2010 at 6:43 am
The facts do not require your belief.