Calvin Klein Using Porn to Sell Jeans

One gigabyte is very little porn.

We haven’t looked in on Bill Johnson and the American Decency Association in a while. Let’s see what they’re getting aroused over.

We have a couple of new email alerts. A few days ago, he sent one with the breathless announcement: “Calvin Klein back at it again: 50 foot p–n ad”

Apparently if you actually type out the letters p-o-r-n, your keyboard bursts into flames.

BJ is upset about this billboard in New York City:

Getting ready to stain the couch

He thinks it’s pornographic.

Yup. That’s all it takes to give BJ a boner.

By that standard, this scene from Ken Ham’s Creation Museum is pornographic:

Porn at the Creation Museum

Let’s get BJ and Ken Ham to go at each other. That would be fun!

In another email today, BJ screams:

Calvin Klein is not only using group sex on billboards but has a pornographic clip with group sex on its website.

Sweet! I gotta check that out! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it. I looked all over. This is the closest I could find:

Eyestrain at Calvin Klein

That isn’t porn, and it certainly isn’t group sex.

I really don’t know what we’re supposed to do about people like BJ. They see what doesn’t exist. You can’t fight crazy.

14 Responses to “Calvin Klein Using Porn to Sell Jeans”

  1. LightningRose Says:

    That’s a very lucky girl!

  2. Kevin Says:

    It’s because two shirtless guys are touching! It’s the work of Satan!

  3. sue blue Says:

    That’s it! It’s the two !!!guys!!! touching. Even worse, they have no body hair – they’re obviously gay, or at the very least, bisexual (the girl is just stage-dressing). Whilst Adam, with his virile beard and no other male competition, hides his hard-on beneath lily pads and stares at Eve’s hairy tits. Nope, nothin’ sexual there at all.

    Give me some of that CK action!

  4. Jeff Eyges Says:

    How do they know Adam had facial hair? Maybe he and Eve were created as fifteen year-old kids.

    They couldn’t be – oh, I don’t know – interpreting, could they?

  5. Kenny C Says:

    You can always fight crazy. You may not be able to win, but you can still fight.

  6. Lindsay Says:

    Oh I love it when BJ gets skewered. I wonder if he has every pondered the irony of his own initials.

  7. Parrotlover77 Says:

    God was apparently the first troper with his use of Godiva Hair during the first few weeks of the universe. Amazing!

  8. sue blue Says:

    Well, honestly, I can’t see what Bill’s got his Johnson in a knot about. Is it the visible side boob? Well, check out Eve’s side-boob. And Adam’s nips are right out there for the kiddies to see. Really, if BJ wants to get cranked up, he should check out Ken Ham’s cheesy little diorama.

  9. Lindsay Says:

    I was watching Silence of the Lambs last night and a thought occured to me. I could easily imagine BJ having a secret basement lair where he dances around with his junk tucked inbetween his legs. While applying lipstick he whispers “yeah, I’d fuck me…I’d fuck me hard.”

  10. sue blue Says:

    What Lindsay says! It’s really disturbing how easy it is to picture all these types in a basement lair having weird sex with themselves…or something else…maybe with Ray Comfort’s banana….eeewww. I think repressed kinky obsessions are a fundy prerequisite. That, and the ability to achieve – and live with – complete cognitive dissonance between their public and private lives.

  11. logoseph Says:

    @Parrotlover77 It’s nice to see a fellow Troper out and about, though always a bit odd when my interwebs collide.

  12. Barbara Says:

    One of the things I love is how stupid fundies are about simple things.

    They state “A side note: Calvin Klein has hidden their contact information quite thoroughly. We have not been able to find a fax number nor a web contact page nor an email address for them”

    It took me less than a minute on CK’s website to discover they are owned by the Phillips-VanHeusen corporation, a quick google for the PVH website which gives both a fill in email form and a phone number to call for information, and I am sure if they have a published email address or fax number, you can get it when you call for information.

  13. Brian Says:

    Barbara,

    They’re either stupid, as you suggest, or they’re simply lying to make CK seem evil and immoral. Remember, religious fundamentalism cannot exist without a world of enemies at which it can point. How else can they convince gullible rubes to accept their dopey beliefs?

    Social conservatives (almost without exception fundies and Republicans) spend all of their time trying to tell us who or what to fear and that the fate of the universe is in jeopardy. I have found this kind of hyperbole to be a useful bullshit detector for most of life’s endeavors.

  14. Parrotlover77 Says:

    On that note, how many large corporations at all make it easy to find contact information on their website? Somewhere between zero and none. They don’t want massive amounts of phone calls over dumb shit like this. Sure, the information is out there, and if you have two brain cells to rub together, you can find it. But look at how a little simple obfuscation worked to prevent those fundies from finding the info. Awesome.