Eight What?

Here’s a really fuzzy YouTube video about Noah’s Ark:

Does anyone know where that is? I assume it’s in Turkey. That’s where all of the other fake Arks are located. This one even has a visitor center!

The best part of the video is one of the “proofs” that this is really the Ark. Eight crosses! One for each survivor.

8 Christian crosses

So if the Ark predated Christianity by several thousand years, why are they crosses?

19 Responses to “Eight What?”

  1. Thomas Says:

    Eh, because the cross was a major symbol in a number of world mythologies for thousands of years before that emaciated hippy got himself strung up?

    Not that that has anything to do with the arc mind you.

  2. Barbara Says:

    I think it’s discussed on this site. If so, it is in Turkey.

    It contains gems like this one:

    All the false stories about finding Noah’s ark were created by Satan to “muddy the water,” and cause disbelief in the genuine.

  3. Jeff Eyges Says:

    “All the false stories about finding Noah’s ark were created by Satan to “muddy the water,” and cause disbelief in the genuine.”

    You know, what with burying dinosaur bones, spreading false rumors about arcs and promoting equal rights for gay people, I don’t think the poor guy ever gets a day off!

  4. Another Steve Says:

    Jeff,

    Don’t forget all the work he put in by making all those craters on the moon just so it would look old.

  5. Parrotlover77 Says:

    If this is all spread forth by satan, I’d say god is losing the eternal battle pretty bad by a pissed off ex-employee. He’s god for pete’s sake. Can’t he just poof away satan and all the evidence leading us astray?

  6. Ron Britton Says:

    Barbara:

    Thanks for finding that. I knew somebody who wasn’t laughing too hard to breathe would be able to track that down.

  7. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Don’t forget all the work he put in by making all those craters on the moon just so it would look old.

    Actually, my understanding is that those were the indentations made by rebellious angels as they fell from heaven.

    If this is all spread forth by satan, I’d say god is losing the eternal battle pretty bad by a pissed off ex-employee.

    Three words: wrongful termination suit.

  8. Jim Says:

    Why crosses? Two possibilities:

    •The local hucksters who carved them two weeks ago are unclear on the timeline of the mythology; or

    •Local hucksters know that their their mouth-breathing fudie tourists think “anachronism” is a fancy name for a spider.

  9. Lilith Says:

    Crosses? Doesn’t surprise me.

    There are quite a few fundies out there who claim that not only was Jesus a Christian, but so were Moses, Abraham, and the rest of the denizens of the Bible, all the way back to Eden.

    They are the same types of idiots who claim that the King James Version is the literal Word of God™ written in Jacobean English (as spoken by Jesus himself!) and if older Greek/Hebrew/Latin/Aramaic texts disagree with the KJV text, then they those sources are wrong.

  10. Another Steve Says:

    Lilith,

    This:

    They are the same types of idiots who claim that the King James Version is the literal Word of God™ written in Jacobean English (as spoken by Jesus himself!) and if older Greek/Hebrew/Latin/Aramaic texts disagree with the KJV text, then they those sources are wrong.

    Is almost as funny as the original article. I’ve never heard of “Jacobean English” before.

    In other news: Many of the retard patrol hold with the unshakable notion that jebus was white. No amount of arguing will shake them from this position.

    For the record: I DON’T CARE what color anyone is let alone someone’s big imaginary sky buddy.

  11. Jeff Eyges Says:

    Maybe the crosses are what they gave them when they voted them off the ark.

  12. penguinsaur Says:

    For the record: I DON’T CARE what color anyone is let alone someone’s big imaginary sky buddy.

    I bet Jesus cares that no one even tries to get his picture right.

  13. Ron Britton Says:

    penguinsaur:

    I bet Jesus cares that no one even tries to get his picture right.

    I’m guessing that Jesus, if he existed at all, would be more concerned that some of his most ardent followers are among the least Christ-like people on the planet.

  14. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Indeed. Just once I would like to see an evangelical say that we should love our enemies (aka icky poo brown mooslems) instead of bombing them into oblivion.

  15. Kenny C Says:

    A few things;

    – I can’t recall what channel it was on, but at one point there was a show that did a ‘facial reconstruction’ of Jesus. Short version: they created a middle aged working class semetic guy from around 50 AD (i.e. poorly fed with no healthcare). Was not pretty.

    – Long long ago I was a budding Bible scholar. The only reference to his appearance was one of the apostles said, iirc, ‘he was not a comely man’. DUDE! This is someone who believes he’s writing about an omnipotent being and he comes out with the line ‘uh, he’s not pretty’. I’m just sayin’.

    – A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Mexico. Where do you bury the survivors. In other words, along with ‘why are they crosses?’ why not ask ‘why have a memorial for the SURVIVORS?’ Oh, wait, because Noah was a big fan of that show, I guess.

    Keep up the good work, Ron.

  16. Ron Britton Says:

    Kenny:

    A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Mexico. Where do you bury the survivors.

    I actually had that exact line in the first draft of this article. I pulled it out to keep it short.

  17. Lindsay Says:

    Kenny C, I looked up that facial reconstruction of JC’s face and all I could say was…oi vey!

  18. Parrotlover77 Says:

    Kenny – I’m not sure if it’s the same thing, but I saw a show on the History Channel or some such that showed the probable appearance of and what life would have been like for Jesus. Same show? Anyway, I remember seeing the reconstruction and thinking about how many of his followers would see that face and immediately think “terrist.”

  19. Klaue Says:

    Maybe this one? Not that ugly, but not that jesus-like either

    (yeah, i know, old blog post, but some people might be on an archive crunch like I am and like that link)