It Must be True! I Read It on a Car!

A few weeks ago, I came across one of the photos below on another blog (unfortunately, I’ve visited too many blogs recently to remember where I found it; I usually try to credit who tipped me off). It was so amazing, that I had to go to the Flickr page to find out more.

These photographs were taken by Amy Watts of Georgia, who discovered this car somewhere. You can find larger versions of these photographs, plus a few more, on her Flickr page.

front of car, including top of hood.

If you can’t quite read it, it says “EVOLUTION? THE FOSSILS SAY NO!” Below that it says “EVOLUTION IS A FAIRY TALE FOR GROWN-UPS!” The kicker, of course, is the bumper, which says “GOD BLESS AMERICA!” Blind faith and blind patriotism tend to walk in lockstep. That’s one of many causes of theocracy. These people can’t distinguish the two in their minds.

Another thing I love about this car is the use of exclamation points. It’s not simply enough to call evolution a fairy tale. The owner of this car has to shout it. That’s also accomplished by his use of all capital letters. He who is loudest is right.

Back end of car, including top of trunk.

Here’s the back of the car. I think what that formula is saying is that the odds of a DNA molecule self-assembling out of raw atoms is astronomical. Of course it is. No scientist has ever claimed that DNA just poofed into existence like Athena popping out of the forehead of Zeus. That leaves us with two possibilities:

(1) The fundie knows this claim is not true, but he makes it anyway. This makes him a liar at best, and a deceptive, manipulative douche at worst.

(2) The fundie is completely ignorant of how science works, and he knows nothing of biology or evolution. This means he is a product of Kansas public schools at best, or a blithering moron at worst.

I’m not sure what to make of the “Big Bang was a dud” statement. There’s nothing to back it up. At least with the above equation, he made a feeble effort to support his claim.

I love the license plate. “No Primate”! Apparently he’s saying something along the lines of we did not evolve from primates. Or is he saying that he is not a primate? Humans are classified as primates, after all, so I’m not sure what that makes him. If he didn’t evolve from primates and/or he isn’t a primate, then we can only conclude that he is some sort of lesser-evolved species, such as pond scum.

The saddest part of this photograph may be too difficult to see in this small version. A sticker in the window says “Georgetown University”. Could it be that the owner of this car is a graduate of Georgetown? We have no way of knowing, of course (because we’ve already established that you can’t believe something just because you see it in print).

Just imagine the implications if it were true! I can only hope that this person doesn’t have a degree in science. If so, don’t let your kids go to Georgetown! Even if his major was something very far removed from science, such as art or drama, this casts Georgetown in a bad light. How can their admission standards be so low as to allow in somebody who must have failed his high school biology and geology classes?

Maybe this guy stuck the Georgetown sticker on there just to lend an air of credibility. Passersby will think “Well, everything I read on this car must be true. The guy went to Georgetown!”

I’m guessing the real story is that this Bozo bought the car used and the Georgetown sticker was already in the back window. Since the guy’s not a primate, he lacks an opposable thumb and is incapable of peeling the sticker off.

Noah's Ark on side of car.

The fundies’ blind, rabid adherence to the Noah story continually mystifies me. If you want to believe the Jesus story, fine. All of the alleged miracles in those myths are localized. They don’t require that all of physics, geology, meteorology, etc. be completely thrown out the window. The Noah story is impossible on so many levels that it’s laughable. In fact, it’s probably one of the reasons I enjoy making fun of these people. Anybody who would believe in Noah’s Ark and the Flood has to be a blithering moron.

If you’re a blithering moron but you stay indoors and away from other people, then I have no right to make fun of you. But if you’re a blithering moron and you shout it from the mountaintops, well, don’t be surprised if the echo you hear is tinged with sarcasm.

Woodpecker on side of car.

OK. This one doesn’t even make sense. Maybe this guy is saying that his pecker is wood.

'Irreducible complexity' and eye on side of car.

Now we come to this tired old argument again. Fundies are particularly fond of the eye example, because it’s a famous quote from Charles Darwin that they love to take out of context.

'6000 years' and Earth on side of car.

Oh, I’m an idiot! This is the one piece of evidence I’ve overlooked! The Earth is only 6000 years old! Evolution couldn’t have happened! We all know that evolution takes millions of years. Well, shoot, fundie! Your fancy car worked! You convinced me! Thank you for educating me and saving my soul!

Sarcasm aside, I do want to thank the fundie for providing me with a lot of laughs. It’s hard to be depressed when all you have to do is go on the internet and see funny pictures like this.

Final question: Just how insecure in your beliefs do you have to be to want to paint them all over your car? It’s like the rabid homophobes who secretly are unsure of their sexuality.

6 Responses to “It Must be True! I Read It on a Car!”

  1. The Watcher Says:

    I don’t see too many scientists who go around with “EVOLUTION” splattered all over their cars. Maybe because they’re not crazy.

  2. ericsan Says:

    A couple of years ago I saw a similarly horrid vehicle on the parking lot of the Foster City Costco. It was a beat-up station wagon converted into an anti-abortion-mobile, complete with giant pictures of bloody fetuses, exhortations to repent, etc…

    The guy was arguing with a cop who was trying to get him off the parking lot, and as I walked by I yelled “lock him up and throw away the key!” which goes to show I don’t have that much respect for the first amendment when it doesn’t go my way, I suppose.

  3. Ron Britton Says:

    The Costco parking lot is private property and therefore doesn’t fall under First Amendment protection. The management probably wanted it towed, because it was scaring the customers. I think I’d be more scared of the guy who drives it.

  4. Amy Watts Says:

    The pictures were taken in Athens, GA. The car belongs to a guy who comes downtown on Friday nights and lectures about Intelligent Design/Creationism.

    The night these pictures were taken the owner wasn’t next to the car. Also that night, it was parked in front of a bar inside which was a meeting of students in the anthropology department here at the University of Georgia. They were delighted.

  5. Ron Britton Says:

    Nice of you to drop by, Amy! And thanks for your photos!

  6. h3nry Says:

    Awesome post there and great work Amy!

    I especially like the quote:

    “If you’re a blithering moron but you stay indoors and away from other people, then I have no right to make fun of you. But if you’re a blithering moron and you shout it from the mountaintops, well, don’t be surprised if the echo you hear is tinged with sarcasm.”

    So true.