Comedy Gold

Jesus drove out the money changers

You probably remember that 1954 Christian activity book that I mentioned a week ago. I only found two good images in it, but I saved the best for last. The above image is also from this book. As you can see, it lends itself beautifully to the addition of word balloons.

In fact, it’s such comedy gold that I was able to come up with eight additional captions for this thing! Seven of these “improvements” follow (I hope you aren’t on dial-up). I just stuck the eighth on the end of the Jerry Bergman article. You’ll want to look at that again, if it wasn’t there the first time you looked.

As before, if you can think of any great captions, put them in the comments. I haven’t had the woman say anything yet. Maybe you can think of that angle.

New pants for the choir boy

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Meth and male hookers for Ted Haggard

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Send Ken Ham back to Australia

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Kevin Wirth quote mining

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Christian martyrs

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Jesus Camp

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Holy Rollers snake handling

25 Responses to “Comedy Gold”

  1. YogaforCynics Says:

    Funny stuff, particularly the “martyr” one….

  2. Robert Madewell Says:

    Housewife: “What’s in the can, Billy?”

    Boy: “I caught a small snake. I think I’ll name him Kent Hovind.”

  3. Prophetic Observer Says:

    Fascinating how you set up straw men and beat them down. My you are clever, aren’t you?

    I guess the morally retarded need entertainment too…

  4. Ron Britton Says:

    I don’t see any straw men. Typical fundie. Makes a claim and then doesn’t back it up.

    BTW, these cartoons aren’t for the morally retarded. You’ll have to find stuff you like elsewhere. Atheists are more moral than any Christian, for the simple reason that they arrived at their moral code by rational thought. The morally retarded are the fundies like you, because they have no capacity to determine right from wrong without being told by someone else.

    I love your website, too. I just found a lot more material!

  5. Prophetic Observer Says:

    Of course you cannot see any straw men, that would require being objective and applying critical thinking. You are too busy scrawling your hate on cartoons.

  6. Ron Britton Says:

    …that would require being objective and applying critical thinking…

    Critical thinking!!!

    From a fundie!!!

    What a scream!!!

    Plus, you still haven’t provided any support for any of your claims!

    It's cute how stupid you are!

  7. Brian Says:

    Boy: “If you’re gonna spew, spew into this.”

  8. Prophetic Observer Says:

    Here is your proof:

    http://www.bay-of-fundie.com

    And there are no cartoons on my server so I don’t see you getting much material from there. What are you, 15?

  9. Ron Britton Says:

    Again, you fail to provide any proof. Pointing to my entire website to back up your specific claims is like pointing to the entire Earth and saying “Look at that”. That’s your evidence? That’s your idea of critical thinking?

    Unless you start providing real information, you aren’t contributing to the conversation, which runs afoul of my comment policy. Put up or shut up.

    I think he's retarded.

  10. Prophetic Observer Says:

    [Deleted by admin for violation of comment policy.]

  11. The Watcher Says:

    Don’t let the doorknob hitcha.

  12. OtherRob Says:

    Woman: What’s in the can, Billy?

    Boy: It’s my imagination, Mom. Reverend Smith said I wouldn’t be needing it any more.

  13. TheRealistMom Says:

    I’m rather surprised that “Prophetic Observer” thinks that comics are a lower form of communication. Almost everything written on a fundie site makes ME laugh…

    Woman: The can is empty Johnny, haven’t you had any luck collecting?

    Boy: Well, Father O’Connor put his donation somewhere else entirely…

  14. dvsrat Says:

    WOMAN: “What’s up! sonnyboy?”

    BOY: “I’m collectin’ money ma’am.

    WOMAN: “Collectin’ what? Child? Did you ever think about what it was that you are collecting? Those coins?

    BOY: “Yes ma’am!!! Those coins are going to help the needy.”

    WOMAN: “Do these coins that you are collecting have value?”

    BOY: “Yes they do!! The coins help the needy!! I have seen it myself, I have seen the results.”

    WOMAN: “The coins you possess have a value only in your mind. I can change your mind.

    BOY: “You can’t change my mind about Jesus!!!”

    WOMAN: “What about money? Why does money have value?”

    DIRECTIONS: Woman pulls a $100 bill out of her pocket and hands it over to the boy.

    WOMAN: This is yours. Are you happy that I gave that to you?

    BOY: [astonished] “Ow WOW!! ma’am — oh yes I am!!!!”

    WOMAN: Now suppose that you left my doorstep and everything had changed. And currency that was minted by the United States Government was no longer valid. That is to say that there is no single person in the country of the United States of America who has a penny to piss on because there is no such thing as money.

    BOY: “Well, so – I could see the whole thing that you was sayin”bout money — kinda like the same thing you was sayin’ ’bout ‘ligion”

    WOMAN: “You’re a good boy! Take this $100 bill and do whatever the fuck you want with it.”

  15. Mr. Vorhias Says:

    “The very fact that so perfect a coffee can exists is proof of God’s existence and gloriousness. Now pony up some dough, ma’am.”

  16. Luke Says:

    “Wow, it’s dark as hell in there!”

  17. Jim Says:

    Boy: “Thanks for your Right To Life donation. Here’s your free fetus – I mean, fully human soul repository.”

  18. katiegottaclue Says:

    Your comments to the fundie challenger, if you could call him that, were pathetic and made me embarrassed for his lack of insight into this cruel world. and it is cruel, because we are out here going it alone.

    I think fundies like that “all-knowing” believer the ‘prophetic observer” are afraid. afraid of a world where they are not special little unique snowflakes. with a human god MADE IN THEIR IMAGE (yes, a human god apparently born of a virgin, JUST like in the 12 other religious myths and legends that came up with a strikingly similar story hundreds of years before christianity, that all have virgins as the messiah-bearers. just like now in the middle east, where the only women worth a damn are virgins.hmmmm. coincidence or just stupid bovine farm animals perpetuating the only story they know?) die for their unique snowflake sins.

    The sooner people stop believing in the unproven, unrealistic, impractical story of jesus/mohammed, a magical tale of well, magic and prophecies and indecipherable hocus pocus, the sooner we can start relying on actual solutions to problems and get some real positive progress made with our feeble-minded civilzation. enough with the stupid fracking wars, greed, child molestation, repressed women considered unequal, churches exploiting the weak and mentally unstable…and so on. religion is wrong. and the easy way out. it hits the same vein of addiction as do drugs, alcohol and greed…it becomes THE ONLY WAY for people who would otherwise be addicted to something else. the only way through this life is to have faith in yourself. each other. pray for a better world, but don’t pray to something that doesn’t listen, care or obey those prayers. pray to focus and committ, not to expect divine intervention, it never happens. NEVER. god is dead. gone. moved on. its nobody but us chickens out here. let’s make something useful of ourselves. for US. Imagine.

  19. Coty Says:

    Ron, do you mind if I steal borrow that “are you retarded?” image?

  20. Ron Britton Says:

    Coty:

    It’s all yours. I’d prefer it if you upload it to your own server, though.

  21. sue blue Says:

    Little Boy: I’m collecting for Jesus, ma’am.

    Woman: Really? Tell me sonny – why would Christ the Lord, sitting up in heaven at the right hand of God, need money?

    Little Boy: Well, Pastor Bob told me it says in the Bible that he’s supposed to return in clouds of glory, but air fares are fuckin’ out of sight these days! Do you want the Son of God to have to fly Southwest, lady?

  22. Coty Says:

    Ron – ha, thanks!

    Thanks also for the edit on the coding typo. What version of HTML is supported?

  23. Ron Britton Says:

    Coty:

    What version of HTML is supported?

    I think it’s whatever is the latest version in the 4.x line. The angle-bracket-s code is definitely supported.

    I’ve been having a lot of trouble with HTML in the comments for the last week or so. I can only guess it’s a problem in WordPress. I’m about to update to the latest patch. Maybe that will fix it.

  24. Ron Britton Says:

    Sue Blue:

    I love it! I’ll try to find time this weekend to make that cartoon.

  25. noone Says:

    Boy- ma’am does this smell like chloroform to you?