Discovery Channel Documentary Says Christianity is a Lie

The above is the title of an “Action Alert” sent out by Donald Wildmon of the American Fundie Association. Wow! I’ve got to see this! I checked my TV Guide, but I couldn’t find a listing for any show named something along the lines of Christianity: The Big Lie! or The Lies of Christianity or even Dirty Jobs: The Pope. Certainly if anything belongs on Mythbusters, it’s Christianity:

Jamie: So, Adam, what’s the verdict? The virgin birth, the resurrection, walking on water, loaves and fishes, etc.

Adam: Myths totally busted!!

Unfortunately, the Discovery Channel doesn’t have the balls to go that far. What the most-right-Reverend Donald Wildmon is upset about is the announcement that James Cameron has produced a documentary that claims to have found the bones of Jesus. Of course, there wouldn’t be any bones, if the whole resurrection fantasy were true.

Let me state up front that I’m actually in agreement with Wildmon on this one, but for different reasons.

The claim that these particular bones belonged to Jesus is not new. In fact, one of the documentary channels aired a show about it a couple of years ago (I haven’t checked the listings, but I’d be willing to bet that the other network dusts off that program and shows it soon to cash in on the sudden interest). The conclusion of that documentary was that there were too many questions and inconsistencies to be able to say that these are the bones of Jesus.

That’s the difference between a scientist and a fundie. When a scientist hears a claim, he examines the evidence to determine whether it’s credible, no matter what it does to his existing beliefs. When a fundie hears a claim, he compares it against his existing beliefs and either accepts it completely or rejects it completely. He then digs through the evidence to find the couple of pieces that support his belief or that can be distorted to support his belief.

The fact that Wildmon and I are on the same side of this controversy is just coincidence. I could have just as easily gone up to Terry Schiavo and said:

Me: Terry! Are these really the bones of Jesus? Grunt once for yes and twice for no.

Schiavo: Ungh! Ungh!

See? The odds are 50-50 of being on the same side of an issue with the brain-dead!

Wildmon’s Rant

Let’s take a look at what half-wit Wildmon has to say:

The documentary claims that the tombs of Jesus, Mary, Mary Magdalene and a supposed son of Jesus —Judah— have been found, thus making the Bible and two thousand years of history a lie.

That’s not what makes the Bible a lie. Crazy stories, impossible statements, and thousands of contradictions make the Bible a lie.

Neither does it make history a lie. The Bible is not history. Fundies keep getting confused about that. The Bible is the documentation of an oral tradition that was already several hundred years old at the time the Bible was compiled. Its provenance and credibility are somewhere between dubious and fraudulent. The parts of the Bible that agree with real history are the mundane parts. None of the magical or miraculous parts are confirmed anywhere in the historical record.

Here is what The Discovery Channel says about the program and the Christian faith: “All leading epigraphers agree about the inscriptions. All archaeologists confirm the nature of the find. It comes down to a matter of statistics. A statistical study commissioned by the broadcasters (Discovery Channel/Vision Canada/C4 UK) concludes that the probability factor is 600 to 1 in favor of this tomb being the tomb of Jesus of Nazareth and his family.” [All emphasis in these quotes is in original Donald Wildmon bleatings.]

I love that first sentence, “Here is what The Discovery Channel says about the program and the Christian faith”. The Discovery Channel isn’t saying anything about the Christian faith! Read that above paragraph again. It’s only about the program! Yet another example of the fundie persecution complex.

As far as the statistics go, maybe they have some new evidence that I hadn’t previously seen. That could change my opinion. I’m always eager to see new evidence. You have to be careful with statistics, though. I’d prefer to see them submit their data to a peer-reviewed journal rather that showing it to the public first.

Having watched how Hollywood portrays Christians and Christian values for the past 30 years, it is clear that Hollywood considers Christianity its greatest enemy. Because of our silence, Christianity is the only religion they feel free to attack! [emphasis belongs to crazy fundie]

“Help! Help! I’m being persecuted!” The word “Hollywood” is fundie-speak for “Jews and homosexuals”, so you can see what the fundies are actually afraid of.

It is time for Christians to send a message to The Discovery Channel and Hollywood that enough is enough! Don’t stay silent while The Discovery Channel and Hollywood continually attack our faith and our values. [hyperventilating emphasis by crazy fundie]

They aren’t attacking anyone, you pinhead! It’s just a documentary about a curious archaeological discovery!

The documentary was produced by James Cameron, whose claim to fame is directing the movie “The Titanic.” Saying that Cameron is qualified to make a documentary on Jesus is like saying Hugh Hefner is qualified to make a documentary on abstinence before marriage! [pre-cardiac-arrest emphasis by old, fat fundie]

That’s right! Hollywood directors are not qualified to make movies about Jesus! Now pardon me while I get back to watching The Passion of the Christ.

Comments are closed.