Super Bowl Ads are Super Offensive to BJ

I love picking on Bill Johnson and his indecent “American Decency Association”. It’s a third-tier fundie pressure group that thinks too much of itself. It has small-dog syndrome. You’ve seen those little yippie-dogs (chihuahuas, pekinese, etc.) that think they’re masters of their domain. They bark a lot. They think they’re scaring you, but the only thing you’re afraid of is stepping on them by accident.

Bill Johnson graced my inbox with his disapproval of some of the Super Bowl commercials: Super Bowl Ads 2007—Safe for Family Viewing?

Compared to years past, there were fewer sexually explicit ads during the Super Bowl. However, during this night of prime-time family viewing, there certainly were several ads not fit for family consumption.

You can be sure old BJ set his Tivo to record the game, so he could watch these commercials over and over again. So he could report on them, of course!

I have not seen these commercials, so I am forced to take BJ’s word on how disgusting they are. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to provide comments.

Snickers candy bars — The most disgusting ad of the night. Two mechanics are shown working under the hood of a car. One takes out a Snickers and sticks one end of the candy bar in his mouth. The other mechanic leans over and begins eating the Snickers from the other end. The two meet in the middle and the image gives the illusion of an erotic kiss between the two men. In the version aired during the Super Bowl, the two men are disgusted that they had kissed and counteract it by doing something “manly”. In an alternative ending to the ad, not shown last night but available on Snickers’ web site, a third mechanic comes up after the “kiss” and suggests group, male sex. Stating: “Is there room for three on this love boat?”

That just sounds like a stupid idea for a commercial. Maybe the actual commercial managed to be funny. Will it sell candy bars? Who knows? Is it offensive? Maybe to some people. However, remember that mild homophobia has been a classic comedy device for decades. Does BJ get upset every time Bugs Bunny kisses Elmer Fudd on the lips? Or is he too busy being upset at the implied concept of man-on-rabbit sex to even think about the homosexual aspect?

My gawd! That’s it! Proof of the homosexual agenda! Proof that after them homos get their gay marriage into law, they’ll push for inter-species marriage! BJ knows it’s true! He saw it in a Warner Bros. “documentary”! (Don’t worry, BJ. Elmer Fudd is a true Christian. He never lets Bugs get beyond first base.)

Go Daddy.com — Another ad using sex to sell is GoDaddy.com. This corporation has made it a practice the last few years of airing Super Bowl ads featuring tasteless, highly erotic displays of barely clad women. Their ads blatantly advertise nothing about their product, but Go Daddy must hope viewers will remember the company by associating it with their sexual ads.

This is how Newsweek described the GoDaddy ad: “Another crass, stupid ad featuring juggy women spraying each other with champagne. The intellectual basis for these ads seems to be that men like [breasts]. Basically, this is a company that thinks so little of its clientele that it believes our loyalty can be bought with nothing more than a flash of cleavage. Enough already.”

Certainly GoDaddy needs to ask themselves if that is how they want to present themselves. Some feminists might be offended.

But was it too dirty for TV? No. BJ needs to get over his hangup about scantily-clad women. What’s wrong, BJ? Are you afraid that subconsciously you might be heterosexual?

Chevrolet — went from a wholesome, all-American ad during the first quarter to a vulgar, sexualized ad during the second. This ad featured two women in a Chevy vehicle stopped at a city traffic signal. A supposed bum comes up to wipe off the car, and when the female driver rolls down her window to give him some cash, he takes it in his teeth ala a male stripper, and begins taking off his clothes. Suddenly dozens of men surround the car, stripping and moving erotically. Several disgusting shots are shown of men in bikini underwear.

Wait. Now BJ seems to be afraid that he’s gay. I think I see his problem: He’s afraid that he might be sexual. Don’t worry, BJ! There’s an operation that you might be interested in. As an added bonus, it will qualify you to work in a harem! And don’t worry about it affecting your marriage. I’m guessing that you don’t wear the pants in your family anyway.

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